Who am I

[Sharonika]

Hi all, not even sure what is going on with me, so I thought I would put it out there and ask others for their thoughts 🙂  I feel flat, uninterested, sometimes a little sad, but not overwhelmingly so. Things just don't appeal to me, beautiful places are met with thoughts of "meh". I can laugh at a funny movie, feel sad at a misfortune of another, I just can't really be bothered with the things that used to bring me joy.  I would love to travel, but I  worry that I would spend all that money and be not amazed by the wonders around me. Also I have anxious thoughts about the most ridiculous small things and yet i don't stress about big stuff! I find it hard to be absolutely relaxed. I have had grief in my life, parents died when I was in my early twenties, husband died when I was 39, all of these happened over 10 years ago though.

i am able to put on a brave face at work, others would never know that I feel anything other than normal. I am probably known for being the kind, caring one, I have empathy for others. But I believe that my patience is wearing a bit thin (this could also be age / hormone related, turning 50 next year). 

Phew, that sounds like a whole lot of rambling doesn't it?????  Thanks for listening? Reading?

sharonika 

[Gloria]

Hi sharonika

I am fairly new to these forums but I just wanted to reply as I am going through a similar thing and wanted to let you know that what you wrote was certainly not a ramble - it rings so true. I think reaching out and explaining how you are feeling can be really helpful and I know there is lots of info on the BB site. Like you I have just turned 50 and I can feel those big life events catching up with me - and I thought I managed so well. I can really relate to the whole putting on a mask - I have been doing this for a while and yes like you I am finding it wearing. I don't have all the answers to this and I am sure you will recieve other messages that can offer wise advice. I can tell you reaching out on these forums has helped and reading other stories too. This is a positive and safe place. The other thing that is helping me is my new mantra - be kind to yourself. So when ever I hear that critical internal voice or I feel sad or panicky I think - what can I do to be kind to me. Sometimes it is as simple as sitting in the sunshine for 5 mins with a cup of tea.

I think you have gone through so much you must be such a brave person. My heart goes out to you.

 If you are worried about hormones I know a trip to the doctor can help. As I said I am new to all this - but I hope knowing you are not alone helps. Please feel free to let me know how you are getting on. Take care.

Gloria

[PatT]

Hi Sharonika,

I completely empathise with what you're going through - it sounds like you're becoming a bit disillusioned to the wonderment of the world. I'm 24 and I went through the same thing at about 19. Everything became pretty dull, I couldn't derive joy from the things I used to and the world just seemed so flat. From my experience (though only half of yours), life is very sequential and we move through different phases where we find different things fun and exciting, while others lose their once distinct flavour.

My best advice would be to get out there and start experiencing things that would've once made you uncomfortable. The monotony of doing and seeing the same things is often a big contributor to feeling like this. Worried about travelling? Do it! Travelling has given me more perspective around my sense of self than any other experience. 

Around you feeling more anxiety than usual - that just sounds like you're dealing with chronic anxiety. It sucks and it's often baseless, but heaps of us experience it. I worry about the smallest things nearly every day - what time should I go to bed tonight? If I go to bed after midnight will I feel too tired to work in the morning? But what if I go to bed too early and can't sleep? And the train goes on....

If the anxiety is bothering you that much I'd advise speaking to your GP about it. Or personally I enjoy meditation - I would say it has helped me more than any other practice in terms of managing my anxiety. Find some guided meditation videos on youtube, sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes and try and get out of your head. The more we can externalise ourselves from anxiety in these moments, the more it becomes applicable in daily life.

All the best,

Pat.