who am i, what is important

[Solly]

Hi there, my name is Sollly. I am suffering from depression for 16 years now. But recently i am not sure what i am suffering from. I have lost my way. Only after i moved to Aus with 3 small boys and a wife, working fifo, did i realise that i have no clue what i am doing or even why i am doing this. 

 I constantly think i am not good enough for this work, as i still struggle after 11 months to fit in the role. I have social anxiety and don't make friends easily, i have to concentrate very hard to have a normal conversation with anyone.  English is my second language and therefore it takes time to communicate in a proper manner. 

 I am a pleaser, empath that has followed the main stream too long. I have no identity anymore and we seldom do things because of my constant worries about work and providing for my family. I feel inferior to everyone arround me and that my opinion does not matter. Is work everything? I don't want to fail my children but i can feel my mental health slipping. I am on medication and it keeps me inline but can not get an appointment with a psyciatrist to evaluate its effectiveness. 

I love australia, can not go back to country of birth. Is 35 too late to change your whole career and start at the bottom again? It feels like i am ungreatful for what i have, i should oblige and count my blessings. I just dont see the point anymore. Such a fine line between the rabit hole and euphoria. Some days i am possitive and tackle the world, but get easily discouraged. My self worth and assurance is gone. I was not always like this, i used to be strong. 

[persistence]

You are strong!!

you came to a new country with your kids not knowing what to expect..that takes guts.

the fact that you have 3kids is an achievement in itself. I am 38 and do not have kids as yet as I am scared of "pregnancy". 

I very much admire your strength in what u have achieved thus far.

if u cannot get an appointment with a psychiatrist try going to your local medical centre as sometimes they provide counselling services.

Also make time for yourself..even half an hour daily to do something you enjoy ccan make all the difference in the world to your state of mind.

good luck and keep in touch if possible x

[Solly]

Thanks, persistence.

 My own thoughts are the enemy. I realise it but fall for the trap every time. Children are a blessing, they made me realise that life is not about money, its about time spent with those you love. 

 Thanks for your advice, something in a day must be good, it can not all be bad. 

[Gruffudd]

Hi Solly,

You know I don't think it is ever to late, and with a little time and some help I always seem to get better. I hope you do too. My language is Welsh, I find a little reconnection through internet radio which breaks up the isolation and I don't know how to say it but I feel more confident. I changed jobs about 6 months ago to something that pays less when I started feeling myself after a fairly long depression, the old job took it out of me with too much conflict and travel, so it is possible to change work for the better and work your way up again. If it is where you want to be talk to those loved people and the psychologist and see if you can make a plan. I wish you all the best.

Rob.

[Missmia]

Hi Solly. When I read your post I felt great admiration for what you have achieved in spite of 16 years of depression, together with geographical and cultural dislocation. 

 It sounds like maybe the FIFO employment has added an extra stress which is upsetting the balance that you had been successfully maintaining. 

If this is the case, no wonder you are feeling as if you want to start over.

 You mentioned that you are an empathetic person. You may find that a career in a helping profession would suit you very well, knowing you were benefiting the lives of others. You are certainly not too old to start again. Also, you could choose to work assisting newcomers to Australia, including those who speak your native language. This may help you weave together some of the threads of your diverse life.

Please think about what you would like to do and make a plan. If you can decide what you want and get the support of your family, you will find you can tolerate the current job for the moment because you will see it as only a temporary step in moving towards the career you want and need - one that is suited to your own personality and talents.

It is probably the case that you will need to pursue some study and training. So you may need to be strategic about how you do that. When you can, some volunteer work or training in counselling might be useful to start. Also, what lifestyle would suit you best? 

There are many things to consider, but it is important to actively build the life you want and need. No-one is ever too old to deserve happiness.

[Ellie05]

Hi Solly,

35 is absolutely not too late to change careers and start from the bottom. You're less than halfway through your working life and people do this at all ages!

If you have an idea of a career that you would like I say go for it!

[Solly]

Hi Missmia

Thanks for the encouraging words. I have been toying arround with ideas to either pursue a physical trade career and provide a service or as you rightfully stated in helping others. 

This gives me some hope for the future. It is possible in Australia to change careers. Back home it would have been impossible. We follow an absolute symplistic lifestyle. After a few traumatic events we truely realised that money and possessions are not important. The future for my 3 boys and time spent together is all that we embrace. 

 Everything start with an idea and a plan, its time for me to do just that. 

[Missmia]

Yay, Solly. Go for it!  I am so pleased  that you are going to move forward. Please don't be discouraged if things seem a little hard at first. It is often the case that we have to take one step back before we can step onto the right path and then we can continue to move forward with confidence in pursuing our goal.

I love what you said about what was important to you. I wish there were many more people like you in the world.

 May you have much success and happiness.