When it all falls apart : Where to especially since its sessional holiday spirits ?????

[Evanthia04]

So,

these last 6 weeks have been anything but happiness for me ...

I have had to speak to Authorities about my feelings , emotions and well being , but importantly my SH.

I have felt a lot of anger , hate and frustration to those around me .

I have kept my true feelings withheld from those around me .

I have nightmares and feel very anxious.

I was hospitalized for 5 days , but being home has left me with heartburn and panicking feelings.

I have BPD.

I am scared and lost.

I have visual disturbances that l fear.

[smallwolf]

hi.

It sounds like last few weeks have been very difficult. I am a little confused on what you are looking for, but that does not matter. I am here and listening. Though I do know what it is like to withhold thoughts and feelings. Is there anyone now you feel comfortable talking to?

Or what would you like to talk about?

[Evanthia04]

Hi ,

Not sure , but l want simple and easy and its anything but that. Thanks for replying !!

I want to scream , but l cant .

No one wants to hear what you really think , so you pretend and act like its okay,,,

[geoff]

Hello Evanthia, and thanks Smallwolf, there seems to be a great deal you have had to keep inside you but there's only a period of time we can hold what's concerning us before it all becomes too much but you can talk with us because we've been helping people with all types of illness and it doesn't matter how many times you contact us, there will be someone here.

Please take care.

Geoff.

[Evanthia04]

Hello Geoff,

The problem with keeping it all inside , eventually you blow and melt down occurs , which is what happened to me and hence the hospitalization.

I feel that if l tell anyone straight up , face to face they look at you differently and cannot understand what's really happening.

I have been out a week now and its no better, that l feel very anxious and look for things l can hurt myself with even now as l write this.

But you cannot admit this to the doctors , because the 3 meds l am on aren't doing their job.

So l am feeling XYZ and wanting to do ABC , but that would only cause red flags and authorities to be sent out to see if l am safe .

Most times l had been on a couple of times a bloody mess was found.

Anyway happy thoughts yeah ???????

[Sophie_M]

Hey Evanthia04,

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to share and to hear from others who understand what you’re going through. 

We know it isn't in any way easy or simple, but we think it would be really good to let the doctor know how things are going. Medication is a different experience for everyone, so it's really important to keep your doctor updated on how it's going for you, they should work with you to improve things. 

We’re reachign out to you privately, but we'd love for you to contact us directly on 1300 22 4636. Our counsellors are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of these feelings, or at any moment so that you can work out your next steps in getting more support together with them on the phone. You can also reach them via Online Chat here (11am-midnight AEDT).

It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning . You can even call Lifeline (131114) and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone. It’s really important that you are kind to yourself, and keep yourself safe. Please remember that if you feel unsafe the number to call is 000.

Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you. In the meantime, you might like to check out this previous post where community members have shared their techniques for coping with the urge to self-harm, Instead of harming myself I now.... (list three or four dot points)

Thanks again for sharing here. Many find it's a really important step towards feeling better. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Evanthia04]

Sophie ,

I really haven't been in the mood to speak to anyone today.

I am UGH really blahhhhh right now

[smallwolf]

i sorta get what you mean by

No one wants to hear what you really think , so you pretend and act like its ok

At the same time there are a few people in my life (besides my pyschs*) who can listen to what I want to say. Luckily it has not gotten that bad recently! I know we are only virtual here yet many of us have some understanding of what you are going through even if the circumstances are different.

It is also the OK for you to scream into a pillow of that helps?!?

So if it helps... tell us what is going on for you?

Listening.

[geoff]

Hello Evanthia, let's say throughout life we have a bunch of different friends, some you have fun with, where nothing serious is spoken about, just enjoyment because it's not appropriate to talk about how you are feeling, whereas other friends you talk about the world affairs etc, while there is one particular friend who wants to listen to how you are feeling, unfortunately, they may not be available, especially when you want them, that's when you keep your thoughts to yourself or you suddenly tell one of your friends you have fun with and taken by surprise.

The same can happen when you visit a psychologist at the end of the day, they've seen many people with all sorts of problems and try to adjust to what you've said and are alarmed by the change in personality and because they are tired and exhausted aren't able to handle you as opposed to being the first client, that's a reason why you could decide to close up.

Just take your time, it does take a commitment to open up to people you don't know.

Geoff.