When everyday life becomes a struggle

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I am 39, female, have been single for most of my life and have recently had what I can only describe as a falling out with my 2 closest friends.

I have been battling feelings of incredible loneliness for a few years now and generally am able to push through my struggles of sadness, anxiety and loneliness to function quite normally. But this year has been awful, I was so happy, had met a new man and had a great circle of friends at the beginning of the year and all have degraded to the point where I feel like I have no one and nothing.

This is now impacting all areas of my life. My work performance has suffered, I have zero motivation to get up and exercise and even leaving the house has become difficult. I feel invisible, like no one cares about me. Because I’ve previously had such an active social life, am adventurous and travel and get out there, everyone assumes that this is still the case. I feel like I have no one to talk to, to open up to, especially due to the loss of my 2 closest friendships in the last month.

I have made my first counselling appointment for Monday but feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown because I have taken that first step in admitting I need help.

How do I get back to the fun loving, carefree person I once was? I feel so alone and this is impacting my ability to put myself out there, even in social circles I once felt comfortable with. How do I meet new people, create meaningful connections and have people in my life I can count on? I feel so lost, am constantly crying and suffering headaches and stomach issues due to the stress of this.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any assistance or advice you can offer.

[Birdy77]

Hey FL, Dools and Rx ...

Just wondering how you are ... how's your weekend been, FL i know weekends can be hard, have you done any of your app meetuos?

I feel like I'm just coming out of a huge hole, so wanted to check in with you and say hi.

❤

🌻 birdy

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Birdy,

sorry to hear you’ve been in a bad place, but good to hear you’re coming out of it.

I’ve been okay. Last week was really good and positive for me, but yesterday and today I haven’t been doing so well. It will pass I guess.

I have had a busy weekend and caught up with a few friends which was lovely. However yesterday I awoke with those familiar feelings of anxiety and emptiness and today I just feel quite flat and unmotivated. I haven’t attended any meetups but am meant to be going hiking next weekend.

[Doolhof]

Hi FL, Randomx, Birdy and All,

Hey FL I was sure I sent you off a reply ages ago, have no idea what happened to that. I probably didn't push the right button or something.

So today is Monday! Hope all of your weekends went okay. My Dr is trying me on a different medication which is supposed to be helping me to sleep at night by reducing the muscle tension, aches and pains and anxiety. The first night I slept right through the night! I don't recall having done that for decades.

The second night was only half as good, then the side effects started to hit in the afternoon, like aggression, agitation, wanting to break things, restlessness and wanting to scream in frustration. Somehow I managed to control all of that and went out to a Church dinner and service.

Last night I slept for two hours then had restless legs for three hours. Have you tried reading a book while your legs are jumping about all over the place! Got up this morning feeling like I had already walked for at least 3 kilometres, don't need to go for a walk this morning now! Ha. Ha.

Soon I am going to have some breakfast then head out in the garden, it is a lovely cooler morning here, so just right for gardening, cleaning up and having a sense of satisfaction at the end of it all.

My husband and I are going out this afternoon and for the evening so I really hope the medication side effects don't kick in like they did yesterday, if they do I hope I can control them. Hubby will not enjoy have a wild cat as a companion this afternoon I am sure! Ha. Ha.

My body reacts to medication in all kinds of wonderful ways. Even have trouble with the anaesthetic at the dentists!

I'm looking forward to be out in the garden soon! Cheers all from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned Dools. I was really struggling this morning to get out of bed, but made it into work and am starting to distract myself. I had a meeting with my boss last week and finally admitted what I had been going through and why my work performance had been suffering. Thankfully she was very understanding and told me if I ever need to take some time off / time out to do so. I really felt like calling that in this morning but I’m glad I pushed myself to get out of the house.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

It sounds like you’re in for an interesting ride to get those meds under control. I’m so glad you at least had one good nights sleep, sometimes that’s all you need.

[Birdy77]

FL that was really courageous of you to talk to your boss and I'm so pleased to hear she was understanding and encouraged you to take time out if and when you need it. Need more bosses like that around.

Great you have plans to go hiking, nice to have something to look forward to.

Dools it sounds like you pretty much went hiking while reading your book in the small hours - talk about multitasking 😁

I meant to say it is great that you are rebuilding your relationship with your mum and dad ... when i tried to talk to my mum about stuff from my childhood, it went south quickly, and our relationship has never been the same 😔 we had been close before that, so it's a pity.

Glad last week was so great for you 👍 you sound like you've been in a pretty good space lately. I know it can feel extra crappy then if you have a bad patch. I said i was crawling out of my hole, but shouldn't have said that because i always feel like then I've jinxed myself!

Hope your day is continuing to get better from this morning.

🌻birdy

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thanks Birdy 🙂 The rest of my day definitely got better, although I definitely wasn’t as productive at work as I should have been. I am very grateful for a compassionate boss.

Last week I was really starting to feel like my old self. Happy and carefree instead of feeling plagued with worry, anxiety and sadness. I really had hope that I was coming through all of this. And then the low hit. When it does it makes me think there’s no escape from it. I’m glad to say I’m on my way back up again (for now).

I guess this is all relatively new territory for me and I’m still trying to understand it myself. I’m not saying my life was perfect previously, but somehow having bad days wasn’t such a big deal. Now when I have bad days it feels like you’re at the bottom of a deep, dark hole with no way out. It’s overwhelming and all consuming.

I am definitely seeing these discussions with my parents as an opportunity to rebuild a very fractured relationship. It’s difficult though, after they were here last weekend I spoke to mum during the week and dad had collapsed on Sunday night with all of the stress. I can’t help but feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn’t. So it’s definitely not easy, but it has been so healthy and healing for me. For the first time in my life I’m learning to put my needs first.

Thank you so much for checking in on me, it means the world. I hope you’re still doing okay too 🙂

[Birdy77]

Hi FL 😊

I will respond further later, but i just thought I'd mention a thread you might be well suited to contribute to. It's called "Feeling lonely and depressed after leaving my ex" (i think that's correct), by Determined1.

Kind of similar situation to you (with differences of course), but with a fantastic can-do attitude like you, and challenged with feelings of loneliness and depression. She made the thread very recently. Thought you might be good support for her and her for you 😊. No pressure!

Talk later.

🌻birdy

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thanks Birdy, I’ll check it out for sure.

How has your day been today? Mine started off with the usual feelings of anxiety and unwillingness to get out of bed, but the day turned out okay. I had yoga this afternoon and am treating myself to a massage this evening. Trying to embrace being kind to myself and taking time out to simply breathe and be present instead of worrying about the future or questioning the past. I long to just wake up and feel good again and I will get there. I have to!

[Birdy77]

Hey FL 😊

My day was ok, just a bit "blurgh". I talked to a friend this afternoon on the phone which i don't do much of, so that was kinda nice. I usually tuck myself away from a lot of things like that, even though i know it will be ok. I don't know why 🤔

In relation to how you were feeling:

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and then they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Pema Chödrön - When things fall apart

If you ever feel like checking out my thread "Words of comfort, there's some other good stuff in there. A poem was posted there called "The trough" by Judy Briwn, would apply to your feelings too.

The tgread i memtiomed earlier is "Lonely and depressed ..." (without "Feeling" at the beginning). She has a great attitude just like you, you'd like her 😊

❤🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

I also meant to say it's great you're taking care of yourself.

Yoga is great. I have done tai chi for a few years and was very involved a while back. .... i let it slide recently, should get back into it.

I haven't had a massage for 4 years! How was it?

Sorry for all my typos, just a bit tired and feeling meh

🌻birdy