When everyday life becomes a struggle

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I am 39, female, have been single for most of my life and have recently had what I can only describe as a falling out with my 2 closest friends.

I have been battling feelings of incredible loneliness for a few years now and generally am able to push through my struggles of sadness, anxiety and loneliness to function quite normally. But this year has been awful, I was so happy, had met a new man and had a great circle of friends at the beginning of the year and all have degraded to the point where I feel like I have no one and nothing.

This is now impacting all areas of my life. My work performance has suffered, I have zero motivation to get up and exercise and even leaving the house has become difficult. I feel invisible, like no one cares about me. Because I’ve previously had such an active social life, am adventurous and travel and get out there, everyone assumes that this is still the case. I feel like I have no one to talk to, to open up to, especially due to the loss of my 2 closest friendships in the last month.

I have made my first counselling appointment for Monday but feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown because I have taken that first step in admitting I need help.

How do I get back to the fun loving, carefree person I once was? I feel so alone and this is impacting my ability to put myself out there, even in social circles I once felt comfortable with. How do I meet new people, create meaningful connections and have people in my life I can count on? I feel so lost, am constantly crying and suffering headaches and stomach issues due to the stress of this.

Thank you for reading and I welcome any assistance or advice you can offer.

[Croix]

Dear Feeling Lonely~

Welcome.

I think the first thing to say is that recognizing there is a problem and taking steps to fix it is not a sign of a mental breakdown, it is a perfectly ordinary and sensible thing to do, as it would be for any illness.

Trying to avoid recognizing a difficulty is what I did. My employment was something I could not deal with, but I kept on going until I was unable to function. That made subsequent treatment that much harder - and longer. So I'm very glad you did not fall into that trap.

Seeking medical help is a step towards a better life. I suffer from anxiety, bouts of depression and other matters and too have experienced the headaches, stomach pains, isolation and need to withdraw, together with other symptoms. I simply kept getting worse until treatment was accepted.

I guess things are circular. As life deals you blows you react with maybe grief, despair and hopelessness, this in turn makes you behave differently, something you and other people can sense, leading to feelings of failure and lack of self-worth. These in turn feed the circle. So stepping outside is needed - which you are doing

By the look of it life has not been kind to you this year. Having the delight and hope of a new relationship, which I presume has not continued, plus to be let down by friends all makes a huge difference and it is no wonder you have reacted as you have.

To face these trials you need to be in the best state possible and as you improve you will find coping is easier and you become more energetic and inventive in dealing with everything.

Do you mind if I ask about the fallout with your friends? Particularly when one is down trying to understand how others think and maintaining the sort of interaction one had before is not always possible. That being said true friends do make allowances and are often most ready to pick up a relationship provided they still feel wanted.

By coming here you will find you are not alone and welcome anytime

Croix

[white knight]

Hi FL, welcome

Agree with Criox. I'd also like to know why uou fell out with your friends only so we can help if it happens again

Please google these

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Topic : supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Dysthymia

These are just examples. Some of us, even undiagnosed are quirky in some ways and we fall out with friends. Maybe they werent worth our time?

I hope those threads help.

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Feeling lonely,

Welcome to the forum.

Croix, and White knight, have given helpful advice to you.

I agree with Croix, that the fact your recognise and have insight into your problems is a big step into understanding and helping yourself.

It is hard when you have had such a difficult year. I am glad you are seeing a counsellor.

By writing here many people reading this will relate to you and what you are going through.

Thanks for your honesty and your insights into your behaviour.

Quirky

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for all of your comments. I am looking forward to my first counselling session, although i am also feeling quite anxious about it and what to expect.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling everything that I’ve been feeling. It has been incredibly difficult to admit to myself (probably my harshest critic) that I actually need help to move forward with my life. For so long I have just felt stuck with feelings of sadness and loneliness but have been unwilling to admit there is a problem. If anyone has any advice on how to meet new people and make new friends, I would appreciate some tips. I find it really difficult to put myself out there and feel like I have acquaintances but am missing that authentic connection. The older I get, the harder it is to meet new people.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

Welcome to the community here. I see you have already been greeted and welcomed by Croix, Tony White Knight and Quirky.

Hope your appointment goes well. All counsellors conduct things differently, the first session may be awkward at times, hopefully it will go okay. I like to have a bit of spare time after an appointment to think about what has been said, to get my mind settled again before I have to head off to somewhere or something else.

A few years ago we moved to a smallish town. I've found it more difficult to make friends here than in the city. I have joined different groups and clubs, attend Church and joined the local volunteer fire fighting brigade. I know people, but don't feel real close to many of them.

Part of that may be my own issues, finding it difficult to feel self acceptance in a different environment. I try to be friendly with the people I am in contact with but don't expect too much from others.

I try to make my own happiness and pleasure. Not always an easy thing to do when hit with depression, but makes me feel better about life.

Do you have hobbies and interests you can expand on, groups you could join to meet new people? I found a craft group in a library. You never know where groups are going to pop up.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you. I don’t really have a lot of hobbies at all to be honest, outside of exercise. I’ve joined a new gym but due to my own issues find it difficult to connect with others. I will try harder though.

I have spent a lot of my time this year volunteering for a youth program, which has been a wonderful and rewarding experience, however now that program has now come to an end... this has also created a feeling of emptiness as it was a big part of my life.

I will investigate if there are any local groups that i can participate in. Do you have any tips for overcoming the anxiety for putting yourself out there? Often I will talk myself out of new opportunities because of my lack of self confidence.

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you Croix, I appreciate your reply. It’s quite a long complex story about the issues with the friends. The short version is i introduced 2 of my good friends to one another and they’re new friendship excludes me. When I expressed how I felt, my feelings were not acknowledged and now neither are speaking to me.

I had my first counselling session last night, which I think was helpful and makes me realise that there are a number of issues I need to resolve from my childhood that I’ve carried with me into my adult life. I am feeling like one messed up individual right now and I am so emotionally drained that I haven’t been able to make it to work today as I can’t stop crying.

I know I’m taking steps in the right direction, but I honestly feel like I’m on a self-destructive, downward spiral. I wish I could find a way to silence the negative thoughts in my head and regain control of my emotions and to simply feel happy and positive and not like the world is against me.

Thank you again for your advice.

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi all,

Its been a while since I posted on my own thread, but the last few days to a week I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom again. Uncontrollable crying and feelings of sadness and loneliness have all arisen once more.

I had been doing so well to shift into a more positive mindset and I feel like being happy is yet again an unachievable dream.

I guess since I have no one in the real world to talk to about how I’m feeling, I just wanted to express myself here and feel like I’m not alone.

What are people’s strategies for overcoming these feelings? I really need a distraction and to get out of my own head.

Thank you for listening.

[Doolhof]

Hi Feeling Lonely,

It is really tough when these feelings of sadness and loneliness hit so hard. At the moment I am staying at a friend's place house sitting for a week. After the first night I was ready to pack up and return home as I felt so lonely, out of my comfort zone and miserable.

As I am looking after a cat, I really couldn't leave. So I have ad to make myself feel better and distract myself. Thankfully I brought along a book to read and also a work book to read through entitled "Be a better you" or something similar. I brought along some crocheting as well and have been watching T.V. for company.

This place is close to the beach, so I have been forcing myself out the door to drive to the beach. Once I am there, I enjoy it, the effort is just required to get motivated. There is a lake here to go walking around as well. I smile and say hello to the people I meet while walking around.

This morning I had a chat with the lady at the check out in the supermarket. These are just very brief moments of contact with other people, it does help me to feel connected though.

Can you write out how you r feeling then write down things you might be able to do to counteract these negatives?

Do you have the opportunity to go to a movie, to a shopping centre to just walk around and be with people or go for a walk somewhere for exercise.

I know it is darn hot here, so no idea what it is like in your neck of the woods.

I really hope you are able to find some distraction. Even taking yourself out for lunch can make a difference to how you feel.

I'm presently using a library computer, seems there is a children's activity happening in the adjacent area...they are so noisy...no chance of feeling lonely here today!

Cheers to you from Dools