What is the point?

[Rika23]

Hi, im recently new here, i have joined to ask for advice from a different point of view and support people that are also struggling any way i can.

I have struggled with depression a long time now and its recently been getting worse i have been asking myself what is the point of living anymore, whats the point of getting out of bed, i have skipped appointments, meals just daily things cause i dont see a point of anything anymore. I am confused and been struggling with my identity as a person and in the society we now live in.

I tried working and thought i was doing fine for a while but after a couple of months i started getting really down to the point i was admitted in hospital. Every time i went to work it felt like i was being put in a bind, being pulled down, suffocating looking around every corner for a exit to breathe and be free , i wanted to stop freaking out and stop making so many mistakes, to be calm to not dread the next awaiting day again and again, to the point i stopped going to work and quit. I tried to work at other places but also felt the same pain over and over again.

I have stopped trying to be in relationships because i have a feeling no one will love me until i love myself which to be honest i never have in my entire life.

I hate myself so much i feel useless and worthless and cant understand how people get up in the mornings now or gets up at all.

I dont see the point of working, eating, or living but i still try cause i know i still have loved ones around me and care for me so i do not give up entirely because of them, i may have given up on myself but they have not given up on me so i will continue fighting even if i live a depressing life its good enough to me to be there for them in return for what they done for me.

Im lost and cant see much ahead of me right now, all i can see is tears, so here i am reaching out.... please help me

[smallwolf]

Rika,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

So much heart ache in your post. Bear with me if I go in different directions. Are you getting any professional help at the moment?

I cannot easily give you links to other threads on beyond blue ATM. Call me technologically challenged.

But I can listen, and sit with you. I can also suggest that you look at an app called virtual hope box which contains distraction tools. Alpine trying to find the small positives each day can help. All of these things take time however. I would suggest that you explore the staying well section of the forums for other ideas.

Hope you have a better weekend,

Tim

[quirkywords]

Rika23,

Welcome to the forum. I can feel your pain, your struggle and your frustration through your words.

Unfortunately with depression the mind tends to be stuck on everything negative, and the positive feelings seem unattainable.

I understand that you feel you are lacking in motivation to do anything.

The good thing is that you have written this post and reached out to others. That is a real achievement.

This is a friendly, supportive and caring community where many people , like me, can relate to what you are feeling.

Sometimes when one thing goes wrong, like not being able to work it then has a domino effect.

I assume you managed to get up for work each day and I understand how disappointing it was for you that it became very difficult for you to stay there.

Now because you have little motivation you don't like yourself .

There is a thread called "Do you love yourself?" and people are struggling to like themselves and they share their struggles and ideas. You may like to look at it and see how other people cope.

I am glad you know that your loved ones are supporting you and they obviously see a sensitive person who is struggling and needs their love and kindness.

You realise that you cant see much right now, which means that you may see hope in the future one day.

In my early 20s I was lost like you and could not see the point and struggled to keep jobs and had no relationships. The thing that helped me was not to lose hope that things could change.

You write very well and show you have insight into your feelings and know how much you are loved by your loved ones.

Thanks so much for writing your post, Please feel free to reply as much as you like.

The thoughts are above are just mine and you may not find what I have written helpful.

I wonder what you think would help you.

Quirky

[Rika23]

Thank you Quirky,

this has helped better understand what i am going through, i am 20 this year so i am also in my early 20s so i dont know if its more common at my age but i am very thankful for your advice and will look into what you have advised, i am very grateful to beyond blue to have people reach out and help me through the pain.

I have more hope now knowing there is others out there helping people like me and others for mental health wellbeing.

Thank you

Sincerely Rika23

[Rika23]

Hi tim

Thank you for responding to my forum. I am currently not getting any proffesional help since i have just recently moved and struggling to try to self refferal myself to places.

I thank you for recommending me to use hope box and alpine. I have struggled greatly asking for help most of my life through schooling to now in my 20s but recently thought that its time to reach out through beyond blue to see what advice and response i get and i am now than more than happy that i did.

Thank you for taking out your time for reaching out to me i am very grateful.

Sincerely Rika

[smallwolf]

Rika,

Hi again. Please ignore that reference to alpine - that is auto-correct on the phone working over time. For my self, managing anxiety and depression is all about recognising triggers and then using the appropriate distraction and coping tools. So...

Do you know what your triggers are?
Do you have any distraction and coping mechanisms?
Are you sleeping OK? Good sleep hygiene can help reduce anxiety/depression?

On distractions and copoig tools you will find on the forums threads to help you manage including...

Three things to be thankful for today - Beyondblue
Grounding yourself, What is it and how do you? - Beyondblue
Relaxation exercises - Beyondblue

Do a google search to find the above pages. If you have any questions or want to chat, please let me know.

Tim

PS. Another useful tools is journaling. I find that writing here is helpful. You also have the additional benefit of feedback and support from other users on the forum.