What does it feel like to feel "numb"?

[Amy_G]

I'm supposed to be like...noticing what I feel more and like getting in touch my emotions etc. but I don't think I really feel much?

Like...I have reactions to things, e.g. we just got netflix and I was like "yes that's awesome" but I don't think I really felt anything physically in my body, it was just a thought? I think I used to feel more than that? Maybe? Idk?

And one of my grandparents who I wasn't all that close to died and I was just like "I should act sad because that's a sad thing", even during the funeral I was just...fine? Like I didn't care? Usually I cry pretty easily, at least in sympathy with other criers, and my mum, sister and cousins were all at least sniffling and I wasn't even doing that?

And I know when people are depressed sometimes they end up feeling numb, or they feel flat, or dead, or like they have no feelings, but I'm not all that sure what is actually meant by that? And usually I read about this being connected with losing interest in things they like which isn't what I'm experiencing... I still enjoy things, at least I think I do? Like I entertain myself, and there are still things that I like doing to fill my time.

But then life doesn't ever actually seem worth living so I guess I'm not enjoying things that much, but I've felt like that for at least two years so that's not exactly a new thing...but I'm pretty sure I used to have a lot more feelings than this. I was sad, at least, and stressed. I remember that. 

Tbh I just feel really chill...like nothing truly bothers me, like I just don't care. 

But I'm kind of confused about this whole thing and I'm not quite sure what's going on here, so I was wondering what other's people's experiences were with having less or no feelings during depression? What was this experience like? Could you still be entertained by things? Could things still make you laugh etc?

I'm not even sure what I'm really asking for here...just anything anyone can say that relates to anything I've written here lol

- Amy G

[Doolhof]

HI Amy G

Just a couple of questions first if I may. Have you been diagnosed with suffering from depression? Are you seeing a counsellor or a psych to help you understand how you are feeling and what you are experiencing?

The answer to your questions from my perspective, is that yes, I can become so depressed that I feel like I don't know how to feel anything anymore, than on a different day my emotions can be all over the place.

I have also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and that is supposed to alter the way a person thinks, reacts and behaves as well. So who knows what is what manifesting itself each day.

The point for me is, does it really matter? I try to make the most out of each day. I try to have a laugh when ever I can. Our cat does some very weird things and she makes me laugh.

When I feel like I am drifting away from reality, I try to pull myself back and take in what is happening around me more.

I attended a course on learning how to become more aware of what is happening around you, but I have forgotten the name of it as it was a weird title in the first place. If you look up Borderline Personality Disorder, the name of the therapy will no doubt come up.

Everyone with depression will have their own story. Each day we can feel differently. We don't all need to cry at a funeral. Maybe one day down the track you may think of your Grandparent and shed a tear then, and maybe not.

You may find more answers if you Google How to overcome depression.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Amy_G]

Hi Mrs Dools, thanks so much for your reply 🙂

I probably should have mentioned in the post for context that yes, I was diagnosed with depression last year, though I've had it for probably about three years. I'm seeing a psychologist, and a gp who prescribes and manages my medication.

And actually that reminds me, I was also wondering if it could be my medication that was making me feel less? I see some people saying they feel like a "zombie" which doesn't really fit for me but maybe that has something to do with it?

-Amy G

[geoff]

dear Amy, I certainly remember your name but I maybe thinking of someone else with the same name, so I'm not going to mention the thread that I remember, because it maybe wrong.

There has been a lot of talk by myself about one of the reasons I drank alcohol, and that was to feel numb from all the pressures that was adding to my depression, and now I only drink socially, and what that means has no bearing on this discussion, however the alcohol turned my mind away from all the problems that confronted me, but if I was faced with something that I had to deal with immediately then I would not logically find a solution, simply because I wasn't capable of doing so, so that decision was taken away from me, and someone decided for me, so virtually I was numb of where I was and what needed to be done and didn't give a razoo.

I can't medically say whether or not the medication is the reason for feeling numb, because I'm not qualified to do so, only from the experience that each of us go through, but from my point of view I had so many problems that I couldn't ever solve, that I just turned off to everything, and to help me do this I used alcohol to completely numb me.

I maybe sending you the wrong message, but even while I was being numb, I could still laugh, joke and have some fun, but it didn't change my mood in general because I remained in depression, and times like this were when I was drinking with people, so again alcohol was involved.

Would dearly love to continue talking with you. L Geoff. x

[PurpleShade]

I can relate to you Geoff about using alcohol to feel numb and shut everything off. I did this to a point that the alcohol was becoming a problem which is what led me to medication.  I realised that my mind did need a rest from the cycle of chatter in my head but my management was questionable.  Now I'm not drinking as much and its social now 🙂

Amy - hello - The thing I've noticed with medication is there is a delayed emotional reaction, I'm not as impulsive as I normally am but I do still feel things just not at the same speed. For me its more a dullness of the intensity of the way I usually feel emotions, its come down a big notch so I suppose this could range between a complete numbness to a dullness.  For me, its a relief, my head was so noisy I was starting to go mad and took a few loved ones with me. The quietness  is helping me to address issues more rationally and one at a time so it kind of works in your favour to roll with what's happening and use the quietness to work through the things you need to with your psych. My depression was a rollercoaster so I feel like I've found a country shack somewhere in the middle of nowhere where I can feel myself breathe again :-P.  

Keep sharing as people will connect with what your saying 

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