WHAM...DEPRESSION !! Arrives this morning gone by evening...why?

[white knight]

I'm studying myself...observing when I fall into depression, the symptoms, the lead up to it and how I get out of it.

So, wife and I on holiday up north- sunshine coast. Staying with friends. Yesterday wife went out shopping and as she took our car I was..well marooned, stuck at this nice place but there is a limit to what you can do at a friends house alone. With boredom during the day I rang my wife for her to bring the newspaper. She returned and forgot it. We are too far to go driving just for the paper so I didnt bother.

This morning I woke up having had a really bad dream. I dont know if it was the result of the dream or not enough sleep from dreaming but I woke up in a bad mood. We had planned a day out and I asked my wife if we could start the day with brekky at a cafe. No, she didnt consider it at all. So we had coffee and the conversation with our friends lingered on and on. Eventually my mood fouled more and I announced to my wife- "we leave in 5 minutes or I leave by myself".

We left in a few minutes and started our day at a cafe but the depression had well and truly set in. By this time I was trying to feel the change in my brain. Started to study my body for reasons that set off the mood. Was it-

-the bad dream

-lack of sound sleep

-boredom the day before leading to impatience this morning

-my wife's lack of knowing how needy I was to get on the road

-my depression cycle coming around

-music....I had the tune of the bodyguard in my head...I'm a sucker for sad tunes.

-being away from home in Victoria

We had been at our friends for one week. We'd been camping for 3 days happily and the following 4 days we great, jovial, laughing - perfect atmosphere.

What I do know. Is that my wife is not to blame. My communication was reasonable and my sense of urgency was obvious. But my impatience came around really quickly..in fact it came during our drinking our coffee, within a 5 minute period.

Medication has been great and am on the maximum of the mood stabiliser prescribed. An anti depressant is ok and prefer not to take a higher dosage.

Also my feelings just after I lost patience was like my eyes were welling up. 10 years ago I would have cried for hours and had headaches from that. But the flushed feeling I had this morning might be due to the chemical reaction causing the depression?????  Does anyone else have this flushed feel?

How many of you can relate to the above circumstances listed as being a trigger for depression.? and out of it after 8  hours.

[AGrace]

Hi WK,

What you have described as an episode of depression,  I call my anger outbursts. They come on like a tv and it's usually in the morning.  Often by the evening its ok.

Sometimes it's from having a bad dream (I have nightmares about my previous job and wake up with a panic that I have to go to work, but I don't) or frustration from not sleeping. 

Boredom can be a huge factor, but its a tough balance for me between being bored and not having the energy or motivation to do anything constructive. 

I think I have conflicts in my own head all the time about my partner not understanding me, or aka not doing what I want. I don't like not being in control. 

Music...im a sucker for Against All Odds by Phil Collins. It tends to heighten my fears of abandonment. (Sorry if I've put this song in your head)

Being away from home takes me out of my comfort zone,  so I often get extremely moody. 

Often hours later im like a completely different person,  I can even see the transition myself. 

AG

[Struggler]

Hi White Knight

Oh yes, I can relate to that very well.  I went off medication about a year ago because of the side effects: loss of hair, nausea.  Most days I get by.  Some days I fall into a valley of sadness triggered by small things.  It can last for few hours or days.  There was a time when I stayed in bed for five days only got up for food.  

Like you I study my pattern of feeling depressed.  I can always pinpoint the cause and as a result I am able to avoid the trigger or try to anyway.  So for me, there is this cause and effect.

Great post :=)

Struggler

[--Mark--]

Hi WhiteKnight,

have only just begun to study my moods, but you have given me "food for thought".

Thanks,

Mark

[white knight]

Hi all,

Thankyou so much. Some clarity there in that others feel similar. This is the first time in my life of 58 years that I know others feel this way. Quite a revelation.

I'm embarking on the theory that prevention is better than cure. If I can chip away at cause/s to the trigger for this state of mind maybe I can ward off the episode one day. Even one episode...stopped shortly after it begins, could be quite a discovery?

This "state", while in it, even for a few hours puts me on a knife edge of desperation. I know that if I get much worse, more angry or more sad, or that flushed physical feeling worsens....I would want to get out of the car and start walking- anywhere, a corner of a forest, under a stairwell...anywhere because simply I wouldnt care where I would be. Of course once the feeling of realism returned I'd return to my life. So it is counterproductive and potentially...no actually destructive to me and my loved ones.

This is why this post was important to me and hopefully others. Because I know there are so many others on this forum and thousands not on this forum that are worse off than me. Due to several things I've improved my mental health over the last 9 months and rarely get these episodes. Whereas they used to be for longer periods. Hence my interest when they do come about.

Tonight I'm 100% great again. Apologetic to my loving wife and all is good. July 1st. I'll recall that date and see how long it will be before the next bout and compare my notes. It could be after a bad dream again? Or maybe my wife has planted the Elton John tune "Daniel" in my head again......lol

[HelenM]

This all sounds familiar. I have to say I rarely know what's happened to cause. For me it's one of the mysteries of depression.

Take care, Helen

[Bok124]

I'm also trying to figure what causes my moods. I know there will always be good days and bad days but I'm trying to see if there's a trigger. 

Today has been the worse by far. I'm having this tug of war feelings and it's an endless list of feelings. It seems today I just burst into tears and while I've had episodes where I cry and feel sorry myself first thing in the morning, it seems to just stop abruptly after a crying session. I feel a little better afterwards but today feels like there's no releif. 

I've had a few sleepless night last week though not sure why as everything is normal and nothing out of the ordinary happened. The other day I found out my boyfriends family cat got mauled by a dog. Awful animal related stuff really affect me, usually I go to bed heavy hearted. I think that might have been the trigger. 

Like you, I might try and monitor this and see what happens.