I am a counsellor and I worked with a huge amount of trauma and abuse, both with perpetrators and victims/survivors. I broke down doing this work as a result of vicarious trauma and my own childhood issues of abuse. I was, and still am, experiencing PTSD symptoms, particularly intrusive thoughts and I get triggered a lot. I go to pieces when I get triggered. When things were getting bad I became depressed and was close to losing my mind. My relationship with my wife became verbally and psychologically toxic and although we are still together, we continue to drift further and further apart. So much of my life has disappeared. I miss my father and brother who have both passed away, I am estranged from my mother and I barely ever get to see my sister due to Covid and distance. My daughter has been impacted by my poor parenting and my son also struggles with depression. I have no friends anymore. I am very much alone and I am struggling. I believe I will soon separate from my wife which will mean I leave our family home and will likely be homeless. My employment is likely to end at the end of the financial year because my work cannot put me back on counselling work and I agree with them on this. I feel totally lost and as I said, I am feeling very much alone. I don't know why I am writing this, I am just grasping for something. My usual self-care is failing me and my meds are not helping as much as I would like. Again, I am losing control and I'm worried I am starting to spiral again. I don't have any idea what to do anymore.
