Venting

[NoOneHere]

It's been a rough month. I normally just let it pass. But it's been difficult to do this recently.  I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since i was 13.   I was bullied at school for being different. I never cried - i didnt want to give them the satisfaction.  That was until a teacher joined in the bullying - he thought it was funny.  This went on from the 3rd to 10th grade - until I moved schools. My home life was not so different.  I recall one time, a pencil was left on the floor, my dad saw this and smashed it into the ground.  He then pulled out a gun from his drawer and threatened to end things.  I was maybe 9 or 10 at the time.  There were other instances of this, if not a gun a rifle, if not a rifle a knife.  If he lost his temper in the car, he would swerve the car around threatening to crash it.  It wasnt all bad though, their behaviour would swing from kindness to intimidation depending on how their day was going.  This made it hard to digest my feelings towards them.  People are rarely simple.  I knew this wasnt normal, but there was no one to talk to and nothing I could do.   I'm an adult now.  I rarely show emotion or act out of anger - as I saw how that looked and didnt want to be that.  I would suppress what i felt - but i now know suppressing is just as bad.  I've only started unpacking these things as that the space under the rug where crap gets swept under is at capacity.  I'm not looking for advice or guidance, I'm just hoping that sharing will lighten the load enough to get past today - or at least help someone else to share / reach out for help.

[indigo22]

Hi NoONeHere,

It has been a long time since you posted so welcome back.

Some days really are hard to get through but you are never alone here. So many here have been through challenging experiences and it helps to talk about these things with those who understand.

There is a recently started thread which I feel would be an ideal one for you to join in the conversations and you would be most welcome. If you would like to check it out, the link is below.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/survivor/td-p/606790

Our coping mechanisms work for us at the time they are most needed and you have had to deal with a lot of challenges. At some point though, the suppressed emotions will rise to the surface to be looked at when we are ready and it sounds like this is where you are at present.

You have my support, compassion and empathy for what you are going through and I hope you will feel a little more comfortable here with us.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Algernon]

wow you are carrying a load my friend. No wonder you feel down! I get that you didn't want give your peers satisfaction when you were at school but I really hope that is not how you're living your life now 🙂 Those little suckers don't need permanent space in your head. Nor does your dad. I hope that sharing did lighten your load. I'm grateful that you did. This is a good place to offload. I did that a bit earlier! I think you know however, that the only way you're going to solve this is by sharing with someone who knows you 🙂 Live well my friend!