validating feelings?

[startingnew]

Hi guys
uhh so im in abit of a situation atm

so im on another forums- not going to say which one but its a social forum for people with MI as well. Ive been told by 2 people on the forum and a 3 friends which I thought was a friend off the forum tell me that im really annoying and that they are sick of validating my feelings.

Firstly I had no idea I was doing that, considering most peoples stories and comments etc on where I am want you to also validate their feelings but they havent been plled up about it. I feel very targeted as im the youngest member on there.

I feel really uncomfortable now and like I have to limit what I say, where I say it, how I say it and that I can no longer express my feelings openly.


Secondly- how do I stop doing it

[Guest_3712]

Hi Startingnew,

Wow ! I would definitely not count these people as friends as such, but possible their comments come from ignorance of your condition. I don't know your story but you are definitely entitled to feel the way you want.

One of the best bits of advice my psych gave me, and only recently was that my feelings are my feelings- they are not wrong, or need validating they are mine to feel how I feel. Maybe down the track, you'll find they are not necessarily valid for certain circumstances but that is what your doctors are for- to help you sort this stuff out.

In no way do you have to limit what or how much you say on these forums- this is a safe place for you to express yourself and if others don't accept that then don't read their posts-

(I don't do facebook for this reason) You are too young to be worried about this crap.

Focus on what's important and that's you getting the support you need to get well

Good luck

Take care

Stressless

[White_Rose]

Hello again SN

I'm not certain why your friends and acquaintances are fed up with validating your feelings. What are you saying/doing that needs constant validation? I have replied to you on your other thread and not noticed you need validation. What is the difference between BB and the other forum?

I think we all need to have the opportunity to say how we feel and not be dismissed as silly or some other comment. It is OK to say how you feel and our feelings do change over time.This is one way of realising you are making progress. For example, I watched a program on TV this morning which triggered an enormous response. I fell in a heap, metaphorically, and cried as if my heart was breaking. Then I phoned my support person and we discussed how these feelings are going to return every time I get triggered or there is another piece of information. Her comment was that this going to happen until I have worked through my situation. It's not over, as they say, until it's over.

Do you feel this is what is happening with you? That periodically your depression jumps all over you and you feel as though you are back to square one? It's natural and very normal. If you are making no attempt to get well and you are expecting help and support from all and sundry then I can see how others may get a bit ticked off. So perhaps it would be good for you to see how far you have progressed and whether or not you are doing your best.

I cannot remember the details of your other thread and cannot keep swapping between the two as I will be forever losing this reply. It seems to me, or rather my memory which can be a worry, that you are making an effort. In the meantime I suggest you stay with one thread. That way I can check on what you have written previously when I reply and you will have everyone's replies in the same place.

If you are unhappy on your other forum then leave or ask what it is you are doing that upsets them. Then come here and have a chat.

Mary

[startingnew]

Nope its not coming from ignorance Stressless.
I dont feel like im 20 or young anymore, I already feel so old and that things are never going to get better despite wat I do.



I have severe depression, severe gad, severe ptsd, social phobia and health anxiety Mary so I dont know what im saying that needs validation and I didnt
even realise it until somone told me.

My emotions are constantly all over the shop.
I am getting help-
im in a suicide prevention program, I have a gp who I see weekly, a
psychologist who I see weekly, a psychiatrist who I dont need to see
as much but can see her anytime- generally once a month to monitor
medications. Im doing all the exercises that they tell me to do such as working out a safety plan and find out out my triggers than things like that as well as keeping a healthy lifestyle
Im also a full time carer for my pop, a main carer for my sisters and studying as well so im doing what I can when I can.


I did ask what it was that was upsetting them thats its validating thing.

[Guest_3712]

Hi startingnew,

My heart aches for you- you have so much on your plate, plus your own health issues you are a remarkable young woman. There's no way I was that capable at 20 or probably even now.

I don't know what else to say to you except you were the first person to answer my post and to paraphrase your words,' while you didn't have experience with all of my problems you just wanted to let me know you were there for me'- well that goes for me too.

While I haven't experienced many of your issues I do know what it's like to have crushing depression and emotions all over the place. You are doing all really good positive things , please believe it will get better . Meanwhile use all those support people and any time you just want to vent this is the place to do it.

I admire your courage and determination

Take care

Stressless

[startingnew]

thank you Stressless your support means alot to me. i also have physical things that i need to deal with as well so i have to deal with chronic pain (mild scoliosis, torn ligament and tendon, also a neck thing but havent worked that out yet)

please feel free to jump over to my other thread which is not coping after disclosure- no pressure at all though

[White_Rose]

Hello SN

Sorry I have not caught up with you lately. Life has a way of butting in on good intentions. I was looking for your other thread which I know I have read but now cannot find.

I feel I sounded impatient when I wrote my post. It certainly was not my intention and please accept my sincere apologies. No matter what illness someone has we need to accept that person is unwell and help them through the difficulty. And that certainly includes validation. All the MI problems you have are not visible and as you are working hard to manage them, as well as all the other concerns, it may seem to someone who has never been in that space or only briefly that you are are coping and do not need reassurance, compassion and care.

Everyone here knows the truth about MI and the need for support. So stay with us and talk about yourself or any other topic you want. You are one incredible person to manage all the circumstances of your life, and as Stressless has commented, I'm sure I was never that capable when I was 20. May I ask what you are studying? I always wanted to go to uni but it did not happen for a long time. Eventually I went in my forties and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was there part time as I had a full time job and four children to care for. And I thought I was doing it tough, but you are having a far harder road to travel.

I take you had no satisfactory reply to your question.

I know what it's like to have a major depression and how how hard it is to see the sunshine. It seemed as though I would be stuck in the dark forever. Not true of course, but that's what depression does to us. I cannot imagine how you feel everyday. I have found that being busy, needing to do certain tasks etc was a great help otherwise would just have stayed in bed. By then I was living alone as I had separated from my husband. Children grown up and left home. If I had not needed to work I shudder to think of what would have happened.

You are caring for others out of your love for them as well as managing your own problems. That is such a huge load.

Mary

[startingnew]

hi Mary

i didnt think you were impatient at all 🙂

my other thread is called 'not coping after disclosure'

im doing an online course as thats what suits me and its Medical Terminology and i only have 5 weeks left before the final exam.

i try not to compare myself to others as i think we are all doing it tough and are trying to get through the fog as much as we can 🙂

[White_Rose]

Hello

Thanks for your post. Online courses are very useful when you are time poor. Yes I agree about comparing yourself to others. What is devastating to one person may affect another far less. We all have our breaking point so we do need to be aware of how we are travelling. Just be kind to yourself, you are a strong woman.

Mary

[startingnew]

Thats right Mary 🙂

But i am panic panic panicing!!