Unmotivated

[Ezbom]

Hi first time doing this sort of thing so here goes. I am 22 going to be 23 this year and well to put it lightly my life isn't all that great at that the moment since i left school in 2018 i think start of year 11 i have basically done absolutely nothing with my life, i work with my dad occasionally for a bit of money but never really had an actual job everytime i think about it scares me i have so much social anxiety its not funny not, to the point i have literally zero friends. To pass time i really enjoy playing games and watching movies and tv shows but lately even that i'm started to feel so unmotivated to do i play something for half and hour and basically give up. On top of everything i'm slowly getting out of a medical thing that happened to me a about a month ago that seriously rattled me now in hind sight nothing was actually seriously wrong well as far as i know it is still going on a little but it just made me scared for my life so i started changing things like my sleep pattern which was terrible i used to wake up at 11am now i wake up at 7:30, My diet was also very bad i'm am beyond skinny like 55kg skinny i'm trying really hard to increase that but its like my body can't even though i am eating 3 full meals plus snacks a day it kinds sucks. As for the jobs part i started applying and by now i've applied to like 30 jobs and not one has gotten back to me which sucks to be honest but hey would its out of my hands. Now the thing thats kind of been bothering me lately is for some weird ass reason i've been wanting to actually do stuff i just don't know what, a few times i thought about going for a walk but decided against it been hot lately and all, i'm starting to feel like i don't know like i'm claustrophobic at home or something like i'm antsy or all the time, like i want to meet people and make friends i just have no actual idea how, hell i would probably even settle for someone to play to games, but its like i lost the ability to socialize and talk to people in the years in the years i haven't done anything. I honestly don't know what to do my parents are lovely people and they help a little but there is only so much they can do. Even though yes i want to get out of the house i still feel a little Unmotivated to do so, best way i can put it is its like someone physically needs to push me out the door.

[smallwolf]

Hey there! Welcome to the forum.

And thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time, but it also seems like you’re making positive changes — and while it might not feel like it is actually a big deal!

Feeling unmotivated and stuck at home is tough, but the fact that you want to do something different is a really good sign. Socializing again after a long time can feel overwhelming, but it’s never too late to start.  From what you said... maybe finding an online gaming group to connect with would be a good start?

It’s okay to take things one step at a time. You’re already making moves in the right direction, and you don’t have to figure everything out at once.

[therising]

Hi Ezbom

I feel your frustration and my heart really goes out to you. If it's of any consolation, it might pay to take a couple of years out of the years you've been struggling to make progress. COVID lockdowns really put a lot of people's life on hold in a number of ways, for a good couple of years.

Being a mum to a guy who'll be 20 this year and who is feeling the need to achieve more in his life right now, I imagine my son can relate to some of your struggles. While we've sat together on occasion, in an effort to work out what his challenges involve and what his struggles are about, it's never been about making excuses. It's always been about finding valid reasons. If it helps, some of what we've worked out (that can help explain things)

• Not being in the practice of doing certain things can generate struggle. For example, one of the reasons people can make going to the gym and doing a workout look easy is because they've practiced it daily for months or years, over and over. Practice is what makes a habit. Beginning a practice can be tough. Btw, there's no way on earth you'd get me practicing walking in the heat as I absolutely hate the heat and suffer through it horribly. So, it's about practicing certain things that aren't going to prove impossible
• A lack of structure. If a day is structured, it becomes about moving from one task to the next and the next and the next. Bit like Tarzan swinging from vine to vine. If there is no structure or there are no vines, there's nothing to build upon or generate a sense of progress with
• Lack of serious vision. While I know some absolutely brilliant seers in my life, with my brother being one of the best, developing visions/goals (things we can clearly see in our mind) is a must. To be able to see our self, through our imagination, moving toward some imagined goal is one of the factors than generates a sense of motivation. With your vision of good sleep habits creating a difference, you've brought that vision into reality. It's also become a part of your developing structure, the structure you're going to be building upon over time, bit by bit
• While my son works with my brother (home reno) at the moment and does a few hours volunteering each week in the local community, he's desperate to find a job and 'make bank'. Like yourself, he's also had little success in regard to applying for jobs. It's tough when employers can be looking for experience and/or someone with a driver's license and he lacks both. We're working on the license. I can actually see him starting with a job at the local supermarket down the road, doing night fill. As he struggles with a degree of social anxiety, this would also be an opportunity to work in an environment without a huge amount of people. A good starting point in the workforce, on the way to working toward dealing with more people down the track
• I warned my son yesterday 'Tomorrow we're going to sit down and create a solid structure for your days and this time we're going to find one you can stick to and I'm going to force you to stick to'. Part of the structure is going to involve weight gain, eating certain meals at certain times throughout the day. While he was happy to have piled on the kilos last year, he lost a lot of weight over the past few months. It's tough for him to put on weight and keep it on (just the way his body ticks). A 'bulking meal plan' is something we'll be looking into and may be of interest to you too. A lot of healthy food can generate more energy and may lead to the need to vent that energy at the gym or some sports club (chance to meet people with a similar interest) or some other high energy outlet

Anyhow, enough of that. I'll exceed the word count here if I don't stop. Just want to let you know you're not alone in your struggles. I also want to let you know that it's not just you that requires pushing. My son is not a lazy person at all, so it's nothing to do with 'laziness'. The simple truth of the matter is...there can be a whole lot of factors involved that go toward making so many things hard to achieve without someone pushing us/guiding us in the right direction. I'd say the biggest challenge above all would have to be self discipline, something I've never fully developed myself (which explains why both my kids can struggle at times). How can they perfect what their mother never gave them serious lessons in? Better late than never when it comes to developing the practice 😊