too scared to try or too fed up to bother

[Moshii]

i don't want to be living like this but i feel so trapped. i've suffered depression and anxiety in varying degrees since i was a teenager living in england with mum and her (now ex)husband. i went to a bit of counseling at the time until i wasn't allowed to and eventually moved back to australia when i was older. recently i've had sessions with the MHP, but between only 10 a year and having difficulty in opening up to people, i feel it is beneficial but barely functions as a bandaid. over the last few years my partner has been struggling with his own problems and things have become very hard when he doesn't want to do anything at all and i'm either too scared to try or too fed up and frustrated to bother. i'm really struggling at this second now, and i don't really even know why i'm writing this or what i want just gonna stop now sorry

[white knight]

Hi Moshii,  welcome to BB forums. 

Most of us are sufferers also of various illnesses. From what you've said I would be heading off to my GP and pursuing his/her advice and referral to focus on your depression. Also your partner "has his own problems" seems to em some family counselling is in order.

Thats my view.  Good luck and cyber hug.

[White_Rose]

Hello Moshii

It's always hard to talk about ourselves when we are upset. Just write what you can.

I agree with WK about going to see your GP.  I'm not sure if you are allowed more than 10 sessions on a MHP.  I have a feeling your GP can organize a further 10 sessions so it's worthwhile following this up.

Alternatively, phone BB, number at the top of the page, for further support and information.

I also agree with WK re your husband.  Tell your GP what is troubling him and get some advice.

I have suggested to other people that to get round the opening up problem, try writing down your thoughts and feelings.  Write down what you want to discuss with the GP or psych and read it from your notes.  Alternatively, give them your notes to read.  It is so much easier and they can then ask you for some clarification.  At the very least it starts the ball rolling.

I have spent so much of my life withholding my problems when I had the opportunity to speak and I do regret it.  I know hindsight is wonderful but I urge you to try and speak out as much as you can. professional people such as GPs and psychs are not going to think any the worse of you.  They have heard it all and probably much worse than you can tell them.

Being ashamed of yourself, and I am guessing this is part of your difficulty, is so horrible and unnecessary. At the very least you do not need to see them again once you are back on your feet. And any decent professional person will listen with compassion and care.

Please continue to write in.

Regards

LING