Tired of it all

[Guest_5809]

I am so

tired of existing with depression, anxiety and pressure. I find don't want to get out of bed but I have to with 2 kids. I don't want to do responsibility of paying bills going to appts   I am tired of it. Third type of medication being tried. Geez I am tired and over it

[white knight]

Hi DBB, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

My wife of 3 years (known her 28 years)  has depression. I have depression BP2, anxiety and depression. When we got together as a couple we knew that medication and doctors/psych visits alone would not cut it. We would need a mix of ideas and plans put in place to make our lives ...well, liveable.

Finances- we worked towards getting rid of our credit cards. We got a debit card instead for those purchases on Ebay etc. We got computer banking and organised direct debit for regular bills. Now we hardly have any mail !!! Less pressure.

Environment- We moved to the country. Parking meters, not being able to find a park, traffic issues etc all add to stress.

Family and friends- We got rid of toxic people from our lives. Even family members that do not contribute to our lives in a positive way.

Recreation- We now tow a camper behind our large motorcycle. We stay at freebie stop overs.

Social media- Recently I cancelled Facebook, Tough decision, had to be done.

 Finally. dont expect too much of yourself. Take baby steps when you can and please dont make goals that are not achievable as this will drag your self esteem lower.  Take care.

[Ali509]

Hi dottibluebell,

I'm sorry your feeling like this.... its a difficult place to be in. Please don't give up.... start with small things and work your way up..

The above post has some good ideas... I've been suffering depression and anxiety since a suicide attempt 4 months ago and after weeks of barely leaving my bedroom and not talking to anyone I somehow drew enough strength to rally and get a job working on a farm for a week (out in the country so total 'seachange!)

I didn't think i'd last 2 days without curling up into a ball... but made it through 7 days before heading home... and it helped me so much. Country air, country ppl etc. Is it possible with your family life to organise a bit of time away?

I don't know if this is helpful but another thing I did when I had a slight mood lift was redecorate and pretty up my bedroom with fresh flowers and cheap n pretty knick knacks frm K-mart. Because I was spending so much time in my room (like you say... its hard to get out of bed) I found a 'prettier' room a little more uplifting.

I hope things start to look up and this new medication will help.

Good luck, K xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottibluebell,

I have been in contact with you via another post you sent. I like the ideas White Knight has given you. If you can make some of those changes it would certainly help out. 

If you are not sure about how to mange any of this, is there a friend you can ask to help you.

It must be very tiring looking after your children and yourself. Can you make a special time during the day just for you. A time when you can sit and do something you like. Only half an hour will make all the difference. Read a book, do a puzzle, go for a walk, draw a picture, have a bath in the middle of the day, sit in a park, anything that makes you feel good and helps you to enjoy your day more.

Are there things you could change regarding the morning routine so it is not such a rush or so crazy if that is the case. On the weekends could you do something totally different in the mornings? Have a picnic breakfast in the lounge room, eat outside if the weather is nice? Swap things around so the weekends are a special time, then the routine doesn't have to be the same all week.

I don't know if any of this will help, they are just ideas that came to mind.

Hope you can find some peace. From Mrs. Dools 

[Guest_5809]

I have hit absolute bottom. I don't how to find my way up. I self medicated but it came to a head on Friday. I have lost my family my parents tried to have dhs take my kids. I no longer talk to them. My best friend drove home after our crazy night crashed her car and list her license. I have lost the respect of her family. I can't go outside the house without having a panic attack. I just want a dark house and to hide away from the world. I have failed my children and life!! 

[Darkness_amp_Beyound]

Hello Dottibluebell,

I feel like patting the space next to me right now and saying 'come sit with me for a bit, we seem to share the same kind of chair'. 

Life for those that are without the 'darkness' or 'black dog' or any of the others, is a roller-coaster ride. We have up moments we have down. Life is no different with Depression.. we have ups and we have downs. Sadly our downs can be a little 'lower' than the average though. 

I am no professional, and never pretend other wise, but if i can send some suggestions your way it would be of the kind...

no more self medicating.. lets get professional help, lets get the right medication... even if you have been on medication for many years, our bodies change... our lives change, and sometimes the medication may need to as well. 

Secondly, White Night made some awesome suggestions... please take a moment to read his reply again.. his way may not be perfect for you, but i am sure you can adjust it to be so for you. 

Every day can be a battle. A few years ago (7) my boys were taken away by DHS from me. Horrible horrible accusations were thrown at me. None were true, and it was proved that later.. but the scars still remain. My advice? Use this 'dark time' to motivate you to make changes. After my whole ordeal,  I eventually got up licked my wounds, and applied for a university degree. I am now a post grad student.. 

and like what White Night said... (with my own twist) 'clean out the trash' if it is not healthy for you.. get rid of it.. and that includes family relations... Trust me I know how toxic they can be! 

I wish you all the best. 

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. That made me cry. I wish so much I had someone to sit next to me like that. I know I have to make changes. I am happy to remove toxicity from my life. I have never valued my self in this world. My whole life is my kids. I feel guilty thinking about what work I need to do and it also feels just to big too tackle. I have an 11 year old who doesn't attend school and has mental health issues. I don't know what's first on my to do list for coming out of the darkness? What if I can't do it? I a so fearful of change. The kids are reluctant to change and I am so frighten of stuffing up again. It just never seems to end. I feel like my deep hole is safe right now. Sorry this is so all over the place .....

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottibluebell,

You wrote that you have hit rock-bottom, that means that the only way to go now is to stay where you are, or to start to move up again.

I agree with some of the other suggestions, it is not good to self medicate, you need to get back to your Dr. and have him/her help you out.

I'm sorry to read your parents tried to have the children taken from you. I suppose in their own way they were trying to do what they thought was right. I am not sure if that was the case, but I hope that was their motive.

Try to just take each day as it comes. Take small steps to achieve something each day. Think about how you are going to manage chores around the house, make easy plans that are achievable.

You don't need to take on board any guilt for your friend having an accident and loosing their licence. You weren't driving the car, and you didn't make the accident happen.

See your Dr and ask if there is anyone who can help you right now. I wish I had the answers to your problems. I hope that knowing people here care for you helps.

Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_5809]

Thank you it does help a lot to know I can vent and not be judged. I feel like I have been judged all my life. Right now it's a daily struggle with my only sole purpose being the best for my children