Tick tock goes the clock......

[DDarko]

I have always had in the back of my mind that when you get to the age of thirty your life pretty much ends. So, i guess i've got two years left….. 

I am struggling to effectively deal with growing older and find that i am experiencing a lot of anxiety and depression associated with the idea.

I will briefly touch on my background. I have just turned 28.  I would describe myself as having super sensitivity to life, which is slowly being dulled with time. One of times few positives. I am relatively introverted, socially anxious, characterised as OCD, imaginative, idealist, borderline dreamer, person who has probably lived too much time in his head instead of facing that sometimes painful 'real world'.  I have historically been someone that has tended to enjoy riding the emotional roller coaster and have dabbled in drugs to potentiate this fluctuation. 

Don't get me wrong. I am a real person, am slowly beginning to face some long running fears, engage in a lot of healthy behaviour and there are a lot of positives in my life .

I understand it is not a unique idea, and is probably in the back of everyones mind. It hasn't come into fruition overnight but the feeling (or lack of) has grown since my mid-twenties. 

I am pessimistic about the future as i feel it is going to be one general slide towards feeling less and less. I hate this emotional flat lining. Is this what ageing is……?? Where the moments of feeling truly alive become less and less. What sucks more is i feel that i am acutely aware (more than other people) of what i am loosing. I get fleeting glimpses of how i think i felt (experiencing feelings of higher intensity) when i was younger, and feel sad knowing that i can't get feelings of that same intensity back.

I have half a mind to neglect preparing for the future just so i can experience the next few years with more feeling. As in quit my job/career, travel, go hard on drugs and generally not give as much of a $#@%.

I hate sounding like a downer, but hey, i guess this is a depression forum. 

Any advice and or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Maybe from someone that's gone/going through a similar experience. I guess its not something that you can conquer but more come to peace with. If you do have a time machine though…. let me know, I'm ready!

I am listening to the song 'Human' by the artist Krewella on youtube , as i write this and well...... not all feeling is lost. 

Cheers guys/girls

[AGrace]

DDarko,

Trust me life doesn't end at 30!! Instead it gets more interesting, you know who you are and what you stand for.

Its natural to have a fear of getting older and what that means, and if you are more sensitive then this fear may be heightened. Rather than a time machine, look back over your 20s, what do you remember the most? What were all the positives? There's never going to come a day when you cant experience those things again. 

At 34 I still do dinners, drinks, nights with friends at bars, breakfasts with my partner, I travel, I have my own home. I definitely didn't wake up to a completely different person on my 30th birthday...it was still me.

Spend some time re engaging in the things you enjoy now and plan for these things in your future. You will also have new experiences. 

Are you seeing a Psychologist to assist with the depression and anxiety?

AGrace

[DDarko]

Hey AGrace,

Thanks for your reply. 

I recognise that as with everything in life there are 'some' positives associated with growing older. And, BEGINNING to find your place in the world is one of them. 

I understand what you are saying and i agree that you can do all those same things. However, for me, thats not what i am worrying about. I am more talking about receiving the exact same happiness derived from those activities.  Its more about doing those things and feeling AS alive. I hate to sound like a broken record but I can't help comparing myself to what i'm feeling now and what i was feeling before. Sometimes I think it is unfair that you start life with this crazy intensity (as a kid) and have it slowly diminish with time. I think god has got it around the wrong way. I would have around the other way. I guess I like finishing on a high. 

I guess some of the best times for me, were  imaging all the cool possible things i could, or am going to do with my life. Those things are beginning to be less and less possible with time. Time erodes everything.

I have seen psychologists occasionally over the years. Not meaning to sound full off myself but i have sometimes felt that i could provide better advice then that was offered.  Having a health nut for a mum, no joking, i would be more in tune with healthy behaviour then most people. And yes i do practice what i preach. 

I don't expect most people to relate to my way of thinking. I have always thought differently to other people and challenge other people to say otherwise. 

Cheers 

Rob

[AGrace]

As kids fun can be extremely intense, we dont know about nor have a sense of responsibility. So there are minimal worries in the life of a child.

I know what you mean about fun enjoyable things decreasing as we age, but at 65 we wont feel like going for a bike ride, rolling down a grass hill grafitiing etc. I think the concept of fun is transitional over time. You still have the potential to go out on a high!!

You mentioned a desire to feel this exact happiness in life. Is happiness the ultimate?