Thought my closest friend understood, she doesn't.

[Hopefullseeking]

I was having a Messenger conversation with my closest friend, she has been a great support and thought she Got me, until last night.

The last ccouple of weeks have been better, l know shock, and l thought I had turned that corner. This friends sister even commented on how good I looked.

Last couple of days haven't been good, have felt

really low again, fortunately I know the trigger but even knowing hadn't helped.

I told my friend I was feeling low again

, and how l thought l had finally turned the corner then she said 'depends on how much you want to turn that corner' then she immediately said Be strong. I think she realized she had said the wrong thing but I still felt hurt.

Do you have to have depression

to understand what someone else is going through? Feel like I can't talk to her anymore. I am not going to lose her friendship but l feel different towards her now. Am l being to sensitive?

Has this happened to any

one else? What did you do? I feel mire weird than ever now.

Anne

[Graceeeeee]

Hey dear Anne!

Wow that's so nice to hear, I'm looking forward to the psychologist for you too, hope she can help you out! At the mean time if there's anything you want to talk about, we don't mind you talking it all out here, we will be 100% percent supportive and understanding ❤️

Sending you my love and hugs, hope you have a good week too my dear Anne! ❤️ ❤️

With Love,

Grace xx

[Graceeeeee]

Hey my dear Anne!

Haven't heard from you in a few days, how was the psychologist? Did seeing her help? We'll always be here for you to get through the tough times xx So much love to you! I hope you're had good week, and Friday is coming soon, that's exciting hey? 😉

With so much love, and the biggest hugs to you,

Grace xxx

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Grace,

I am about to start a new thread and you are welcome to talk to me on that one if you like. 

Psychologist appointment went ok I suppose, it was mainly a catch up session as I have not seen her since mid December.  I got teary which I didn't want to do this year but couldn't help it at all.  Feel like I got nowhere in that session but as I said it was a catch up one really.

Last year I saw my psychiatrist one week and then my psychologist the next week, (only started with her at the beginning of 2015) so saw one of them every week.  This year due to finances it will be a session fortnightly which basically means I will see my psychologist once a month, that worries me but what can I do. I have been seeing my psychiatrist for many years but we came to a stalemate where I wasn't getting any better if anything I was deteriorating and that was when she suggested me seeing a psychologist, one picked by her.

The psychologist and I got on well and I am definitely much better but not out of the woods yet, so seeing her monthly and some months it could be 5 or 6 weeks depending on how many weeks in that month, worries me.  I will be seeing my shrink in between psychologists visits but she says the psychologist is my main therapist.

Sorry I am rambling but feeling lost and overwhelmed.  I will probably call the new post "Better but not"

I am at my volunteer job now so can post here but during the week I use my phone and it is temperamental so sometimes it will allow me to post but other times not.  Pot luck.

Bye for now Grace

Lots of love

Anne

[Graceeeeee]

Hey dear Anne!! xx

Good to hear about your catch up session! Definitely a good thing to catch up with her before going further, and to be honest I think crying and letting it out is a good thing, I've been stressing myself because I keep all the emotions in, but heck, you just gotta let it out once in a while!

So I'm guessing next time, she will definitely help you make progress 🙂 I like that metaphor about going "out of the woods", don't worry, you will get there in time, we are all slowing finding our way out, when you are lost there will always be things, or people to guide you, and with our love to support you 🙂 So don't worry, if you every fall we are there to pull you back up, you are a beautiful soul and an inspiration to me, keep being just the way you are, what a legend 🙂

And don't worry about seeing the psychologist once a month, whenever things get overwhelming, just come and talk to us, or use one of the meditation/mindfulness apps, I know one called 'Smily Mind', it helps me relax and calm down, would suggest you to go check it out too 🙂 Also, if you have anything on your mind, you can talk to you friend too, I'm sure she will be there ready to listen and support you 😛 And it's a really good idea to start your own thread! If you've already started one I'll definitely go check that out 🙂

You are an inspiration, keep being you, and I love you because you are you :)))

With so much love to you ,

Grace xx

[Hopefullseeking]

She's done it again.

Been very up and down the last few weeks and sick of it

l went and visited an old friend this morning hoping to lift my moods didn't work.

My friend txt me and I explained that I went out and why. I

said I still felt down. She then said 'it is your choice to feel that way' B&&lsh#t. Why would anyone choose to feel like this. Last time she said that I explained that l don't choose to feel this way. I didn't acknowledge or comment when she wrote that.

I thought she understood. Does anyone but us get it?

[pipsy]

Oh Dear H.S  Just when you thought she understood, she's proved she doesn't.  With depression, because it comes on very suddenly for no apparent reason, trying to explain to someone who's never experienced it is like teaching someone a new language.  No, you don't 'choose' depression, it chooses you, and trying to fight it, as I said, is like trying to climb an extremely steep hill.  The closer to the top you seem to be, the further away it gets.  May I ask what triggered it this time or was it just a general 'yuk' feeling.  Nothing in particular, everything in general.  Perhaps when you start to recognise when you're feeling down, you could write down what you're feeling.  You want to run away from your black feelings.  Write that down.  Depression is a black feeling.  Try closing your eyes, picture yourself somewhere that makes you feel good.  The beach, a funny movie, a movie star that you admire.  I wouldn't actually suggest a fantasy that's not possible, beaches, movies, they're possible, the movie star you have a crush on.  We all admire movie stars, that's not really a fantasy because movie stars are real people.  Fantasies are like the movie, Grease.  That's a good movie, but it is a fantasy, not real.  The people in it are real.  For now, I would suggest little contact with your friend, because you can't explain something she will never understand.  As I said, to her, you're speaking a foreign language.  It's not her fault, or yours, she's never experienced depression (hopefully, she never will).  You could also try listening to some music, read a book.  You said, does anybody get it?  We get it, we've all 'been there'.  It's an awful place.  We totally understand.  You're not alone, ever. 

I'm sending you a big hug with xxx.

[Graceeeeee]

Hey dear Anne!

Sorry to hear you've been up and down, but it's just a part of the beautiful journey, there's still lots to feel and lots of views to see, the road is long and we are here to walk it with you 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that your friend said it again, she tried to understand but can't, I think there's now more information now on mental illnesses, and the general public is somewhat informed of it, I try to not close myself up and be as open as I can be to my close friends and family. It is of course hard for them to understand, maybe you can find information here that you can show her, or I think there's a section on how to communicate to others about what we're going through.

I know it is hard now for you to talk to her again, so maybe imagine yourself in a happy place, if that can relax you or calm you down, you can listen to some music, that's how I always lift myself up 🙂

But hey, as pipsy said, you, are never alone, no matter how scary it is, let's go through it together 🙂 My best wishes for you, keep us updated on how everything goes!! xx

With Love,

Grace xx

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Pipsy,

I don't think anything 'triggered it', I have noticed my pain levels do affect my depression, I have constant pain and at times it is worse than others.

I never seem to know from day to day how I am going to feel, I am better than a year ago as the low levels are not as low as they use to be. My shrink describes it as being my 'standing level', I have had depression for all my life and often I revert to this standing level as it is the most 'normal' for me.  This is hard to explain so I hope you understand. And yes you are right 'nothing in particular, everything in general'.

I have finished off my front patio with a green wall, hanging pots and other plants, I have table and chairs there and I find it a calming spot to go to.  It is close to the road so I get a lot of traffic noise but I do feel more calm and at peace there so it will be a place I will spend more time in/at.

Thank you for saying that you do 'get it' being depression, it is so hard to explain to someone who doesn't get it.  This friend of mine works with a personal life coach and I think that is where she has gotten this phrase from and the ideas that we are in charge of our own feelings, which we are to a certain extent but with depression it is different.

This friend has been one of my major supporters so I don't want to alienate her friendship by getting into an argument about feelings.

Thanks

A

[Hopefullseeking]

Morning Grace,

All I seem to do is go up and down and I am really sick of it.  How am I suppose to expect my friends to put up with my moods if I struggle to myself.

She said this comment when we were private messaging each other and I ignored the comment, last time I tried to explain that I don't choose to feel this way.  How I handled it this time was to ignore the comment and continue with out conversation, she didn't say anything about me ignoring what she said and I didn't either. We both let it pass.

She came over yesterday for coffee and I felt the tension in the air, coming from me not her.  Maybe from now on I will keep my feelings to myself, its hard to know what to do or say to her to help her understand.  I have told her how hard I work at trying to climb above the depression and she does understand that its a pity she doesn't understand that I don't choose to feel this way.  Why would anyone want to feel miserably all the time.

Anyway, hope you and Pipsy are doing ok.

A

[pipsy]

Hi Hopefullseeking.  How are you today?  Your patio sounds beautiful, green is a relaxing shade and the hanging pots and other plants will give it a peaceful tranquil feeling.  With your depression, when you have that insurmountable feeling, as I said, try writing down how angry you're feeling because you feel alone.  Even when you're in company, depression can quite often make you feel as though you're alone, because you can't tell anyone for fear of being told to 'snap out of it'.  Snap out of it, if I had 5 cents for every time I've heard that, I would just about own Australia.  That used to make me angry 'red rag to a bull' angry.  That's when I would make an excuse, leave the room and start breathing slowly.  You feel as though you're climbing that wall again.  I think the 'standing' level is when the depression is there, but not overpowering.  When it becomes overpowering that's when your 'standing' level goes down.  When this happens, you want to 'pull the covers over your head'.  Have you tried deep breathing, relaxation techniques.  I sometimes find when blackness overwhelms me, deep breathing helps.  It never used to work for me because I didn't know properly how to do it.  A really good friend showed me the proper way.  Concentrate on breathing in through your mouth, breathe out slowly through your nose.  Eyes shut all the while.  While you're doing this, picture a meadow filled with beautiful sweet smelling grass.  Maybe a few cows in the distance.  If you have soft music as well.  Look at all you've achieved with your lovely, peaceful patio.  Also try to get back to your card making. 

Best wishes.