These past few months I've gone back into a rut

[Cassie3000]

Hi. I'm not sure if I'm looking for answers or just somewhere to express myself.

for the past 3 or 4 months I feel like I've gone back to a place where I was 10 years ago. I'm not sure if it's a result of whats happening around me or not- I just feel either devoid of emotion or really sad.

about 10 years ago I was hospitalised in a youth psychiatric ward as depressed. I had a horrible experience at the Austin hospital and I don't  want to repeat it. Although I've managed over the years (all be it at times I have struggled) these past few months I've gone back into a rut. I guess I have all of the tele tale signs/ feeling sad/anxious, little enjoyment, no sex drive, ect.

in particular, because of a few missed job opportunities and a lot of pressure at work and study along with sons arguments with family I'm slowly going back to my black, helpless place where I'm worthless and where moone understands me.

its so hard for me to see a doctor as im

pretty disillusioned with the whole system. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can stop myself going down that slippery slope again?

[Vera55]

Oh dear cassie3000. Sounds like a difficult time for you. Can I suggest you read your  own post and just see how much pressure you are under. Way too many things to juggle and if you  are stress sensitive and reactive it is no surprise that your psyche is trying to protect you as it starts to shut down.

i am not sure if you have read many other posts here but the wealth of insight, information and sharing has been the most helpful thing for me recently and I have been in therapy for nearly 30 years with psychiatrists and psychologists. It's a good place to start and get some insights and ideas about your own situation.

I too loath hospitals and have had the worst experiences there. I am amazed when others post with really good outcomes. Not to say that the hospitals haven't changed and improved but it depends where you are and the people there. I have a friend that goes to Austin and she finds it helpful. They too might have improved. Just in case you want to have a break.

i think  a gentle approach in finding a good gp is the start. I would ring the receptionist and tell them your past experience with seeking support has not been optimum and can they suggest seeing a doctor that will be understanding and sensitive. Some gps have increased their training in mental health esp in rural areas.

you might be aware that if you had an episode of depression it is likely to return. Bear that in mind and don't feel bad about taking some meds to help you through some hurdles.

Can you share some more of your story and what things have helped you in the past? Kind regards for now Vera