The ramblings of a pathetic fool

[Rubix]

Another familiar night of struggling to sleep. Goodness knows what this is doing to my neurological health long term. I thought coming back here after so long might help tire me out. This is a rant.

So I've really achieved nothing in the few years since last posting. I still live with my aging parents, having separated from my wife over 9 years ago. It's nice being close to my kids (who are up the road) but it does nothing for my feelings of inadequacy. I avoid catching up with old school friends because I'm too embarrassed to admit all my failures and my current situation. 

Early this year my oldest son attempted the unthinkable. Though he had been acting erratically the previous six months it caught all of us by surprise. The year has been full of therapy, trying to get him back to school (which we changed) and in turn trying to make life easier for his siblings. It's been incredibly stressful. Progress, if it's there, is incredibly slow. It's another sign of failure (a parent asleep at the wheel).

It saddens me to think I may never own a home of my own. Never enjoy sitting down to a nice family dinner with my kids. At least not one that I was responsible for creating. I worry that with my attitude towards 'life', that it might make me a target for redundancy. 

I threw away a chance to be happy with someone from work two years ago because it felt like running away from my kids. Now I'm just a sad, lonely individual with a severe inferiority complex.

Sleep take 2

[Guest_1584]

Hi op.

Sorry about the way your feeling with things.

Just a few things though. You don't know you'll never sit down to a family meal with your kids well, maybe not with ex sure butttt, somebody new one day, never know what's around the next bend in life.

Speaking of that , why not give that one from work a call or suss things out or something , she might be free , might not be too late.

On your own place well, ldk. You must be saving a lot living with parents , prices will prob drop a fair bit over the next yr or two, could be a door way into something there. You could make yourself a save plan now, prepare and start brainstorming , browsing cheaper areas and alternatives or ldk, see what's around in grants the gov's seem to be throwing money at home buyers these days too.Mind you, l know prices are insane buttt.

Anyway , hang in.

rx

[Fiatlux]

Hi Rubix,

I hope that you have slept better.

There are some positives in what you wrote. You need to focus on that and run with that.

It's nice to be close to your children. They probably think that it's nice to be close to you.

As for living with your aging parents. In many cultures it is very acceptable. It enables you to be close to them as well as your children. My children were fortunate to have Grandparents close by and they were a great help and a positive influence in my children's lives.

I understand that there may be a stigma attached to living with parents, however reframe your situation in a positive way. What are the pros and cons of staying and leaving? You don't need to run away to be happy.