The last thing I want to do is burden my family with my thoughts and feelings

[lre_01]

Hi! My name is Loz.

I'm a wife to a supporting husband and a mother to two beautiful girls, ironically I feel so alone. The last thing I want to do is burden my family with my thoughts and feelings.

I have been experiencing depression off and on for the last 12 years and I have been on anti depressants and seen physiologists. For a large part of that time, I've been self medicating with alcohol. I know that I can't continue down this path and I need to make a change.

My job is very stressful and there are days that I just want to walk out.I keep pushing myself to carry on and put on that brave face.

I feel somewhat awkward posting this. I'm not one to usually do this sort of thing. I want to be happy again and be the wife and mum that I should be and need to be.

[Neil_1]

Hi Loz

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.  It’s wonderful to hear of your supportive husband and your beautiful daughters – that is something to have drilled into the forefront of your mind;  I too have something similar;  well, not a husband.  Little LOL.

The self medication with alcohol CAN be helpful, but as I guess we all know, it’s not probably the way we should deal with things.  Do you feel that when you are ready to go off it, will you be able to do so?  I have my own issues with this myself, so I find if I can produce an end goal, then I’m more able to go off it.

With regard to your job – is there any option for you receiving any assistance with it?  So as to possibly ease the pressure for you?  The other side of the coin with this is that having a job is a very handy thing to have;  for so many reasons;  but for our mental state, it can help as it can ease up the mental tension and stressors that we have, while we put our minds to the task at hand;  hopefully that makes a bit of sense.

Lastly, you mentioned that you have been on anti depressants before – so I’m assuming that you’re no longer on them?  Maybe it might be a time to get back to your doctor to have a bit of a ‘check up’ to see how everything is going?  Bit of professional advice and ideas as well;  just a thought.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Loz, please don't be afraid from posting your comment, because self medicating with alcohol happens quite often, and I was one that did this when I was depressed, but it destroyed my marriage and I was always called an alcoholic, which has stuck with me, although now I'm certainly far from that as I only drink socially, but we know what you are saying and do understand your predicament.

If your job is stressful isn't going to help especially when you get home, because the fridge is the first place you would go and wouldn't do anything until you had a drink so that what ever else that needs to be done is carried out.

What I am worried about, is how the girls treat you after school, and also what your husband has to say to you, and please this site is anonymous so no one knows who you are, which is good because people can open up to us without any fear of any reprisals.

I only say this because you say 'you feel alone', which could indicate a few answers.

Loz I used to drink from morning till I fell asleep, and then start again, where my wife (ex) and 2 sons were horrified, but I was deeply depressed, which I am also afraid that you maybe heading this way, so I really hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x