The endless goal of life

[poss93]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and am looking for aspace tp discuss my thoughts and seek help and insight to other peoples thoughts on myown.

I am 27 y/o currently work casual but maintain part-time hours whilst studying a Tafe course for youth work, I invest my time in out doo activities and love to attend my boxing classes and regular gym classes during the week. I am not new to depression and do see someone regularly as I can, I have had to drop out of my fulltime job as of August last year due to suicidal thoughts and bad mental health which I have had for most of my life (progressed more into my mid to late 20's).

I would like to get another fulltime job again but can already feel and see what would happen. I know I would get sick of it straight away and struggle to maintain a positive attitude towards it every day. Even though just this is the first time I have dropped down from a fulltime position to casual position I'm scared that I wont be able to handle it. I need more income to work toward buying my own home and life expenses in general but I know that work life balance just wont be there any more. Part-time positions are so hard to come by even though I have been applying since December last year I haven't heard back at all. It is all starting to seem so pointless now and I don't know how people "normal people" push through just work and home life on a regular. I get so depressed and so dethatched, I just don't understand how others make it possible what should I do? How can I find motivation to push through and get a fulltime job again in a company or industry I don't really care about for the money?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

I guess when you enjoy what you do, it doesn't require pushing through. It's more of a challenge when you don't like your work, or you have mental health issues. Is it a particular industry that you're looking at? Can you look at doing something different?

I'm also wondering if you're currently seeing anyone to support you with your mental health challenges? I've been working with a psychologist for a number of years, and this is the kind of thing that we would talk through, and look for solutions together.

Katy

[poss93]

Hi Katy,

I work in retail at the moment and have had since moving to the city in 2019. I have definitely had many downs working in retail and know it is a toxic environment for me some times, I have grown a lot as a person working along side my phsyc for about 5 years for daily stresses and how to over come them. A lot of this was because of other peoples behaviours and how I would let it affect me personally instead of brushing it off like I can now. The job in retail isn't hard it's self its more the was my self and others get treated from upper management etc. I had change companies quite a few times when I started to find that things where boring or I couldn't relate to the job its self, I know that its not the most fulfilling job for me and so I get bored quite easily and then depressed and then as of last year had suicide fantasy's through out my work day. Every thing else that I do I have drive in (Boxing Gym, Study, Home life). I just cant stand fulltime work with no life balance and I am struggling to find a job that could provide that for me. I feel the only other option I have is to go back to full time in any job and just slug it out until my study period is over early next year, although I know and I am scared to get as depressed as I was last year (Lowest point). Its hard for my partner to look after me emotionally when I'm in that stage all the time and have no energy to even get out of bed. How can I get through this for the better of my financial situation.

[therising]

Hi poss93

I definitely get where you're coming from regarding the retail factor. Decided earlier on in life I just can't work in retail. While the great customers can really make your day, there just don't seem enough of them to outweigh the rude and thoughtless ones. I can't tolerate the latter. Such people are mind altering if you let them get into your head. Based on my intolerance, I turned to working in different areas of the care industry which has been largely rewarding. As the saying goes 'Know thyself'. While I'm still coming to truly know who I naturally am, one thing I do know for sure...I am a carer, not a tolerater of rude thoughtless human beings. Retail used to really get me down. I truly have great respect for anyone who can tolerate it or find the joy in it. In my book, they're masterful people.

You sound like a natural carer also, given you're studying to be a youth worker. Such a noble role, to guide those who seek a brighter future. You're studying to be a light for others and that is something truly beautiful.

You mentioned something in your 1st post that triggered a couple of thoughts. You mentioned 'I would like to get another fulltime job again but can already feel and see what would happen. I know I would get sick of it straight away and struggle to maintain a positive attitude towards it every day.' Regarding what you feel, do you trust your feelings? Regarding what you see, do you trust your vision or foresight? Is there another way you haven't yet imagined, when it comes to the difference you're looking for? Is there a clear vision that comes to mind that may seem a little unconventional, even if that vision involves you holding off on the full time work, so as to work passionately on raising your energy levels. Is there anyone at the gym who'd be able to guide you in this area or know of someone who can? Part time study, part time/casual work and part time self development (becoming familiar with how you charge up and power down) would, I imagine, keep you pretty busy.

The other thing you mention, 'I know I would get sick of it straight away'. I had an epiphany not long ago that led me rephrase my statements, ones like yours. Instead of simply saying 'I'm sick of draining people' or 'I'm sick of this abuse', I'll rephrase, 'I'm sick because of draining people' or I'm sick because of this abuse'. These things may often be the cause behind tension, anxiety and exhaustion (aka dis-ease).

🙂

[poss93]

Hi The Rising,

I am a natural carer, my family often tell me my heart is too big for my own good, in a good way hahaha.

It is true, retail is exhausting. I would love to jump into a job part-time or fulltime in a more rewarding sector, however I need certificates. Hence my study.

Regarding your regards to what I spoke about in terms of my "feelings", I have changed companies in the retail world multiple times to try and find something good in it to keep me around for the income and during all these changes I get excited for my new job then I start to crash a few months in and then I start to get depressed and struggle to maintain happiness or to not get angry or agitated, I think I said that because I know its happened before and I know it will happen again. My study doesn't allow for part-time although I do complete it online It can still be a handful to motivate my self to complete the tasks in it. I believe I am doing well from the feed back I have received so far. It's just hard to maintain it all together.

[therising]

Hi poss93

Finding a deeply satisfying job is definitely a trial and error thing. You can find some folk who waste no time going from job to job based on their dissatisfaction. It's like bamm, 'Nup, this is not the one for me'. In some jobs there's that trial period where they try you out and you try them out to see whether you're 'the right fit'. Then there are others who'll stay in a job they hate for years. Although potentially depressing, in this case it can feel far easier to stick with what they know rather than face the challenge of searching for greater satisfaction (another job). Personally, I'd rather go with 'The right fit' scenario. Life's too short to be wasting time.

If you're a sensitive person with a big heart, there can be challenges with mastering such sensitivity. While your sensitivity will make you far more open minded and a far more brilliant guide in the field of youth work (getting a sense of how kids are really feeling and what they need), such heightened sensitivity can present challenges at times. Wondering if you can relate to the following

• Put me in a mind numbing job and I'll feel mentally numb
• Put me in a heartbreaking job and I'll feel heartbroken or heartbreak in some way (not a comfortable feeling in the chest, that's for sure). I tend to vent such heartbreak through tears. Venting is a good thing
• Put me in a highly agitating job and I'll feel the agitation churning around in my chest and throat (makes you want to scream)
• Put me in a depressing job and I will feel 'down'

You could actually say that you can rely on your feelings to tell you what kind of job you're in or what the challenge in that job really is about. Sensitivity has its perks 🙂

So glad to hear you're getting the results you're working hard for in your course. The world is definitely a better place having you in it.

🙂

[poss93]

Thank you so much for your kind words,

I do relate to :

"Put me in a mind numbing job and I'll feel mentally numb
Put me in a heartbreaking job and I'll feel heartbroken or heartbreak in some way (not a comfortable feeling in the chest, that's for sure). I tend to vent such heartbreak through tears. Venting is a good thing
Put me in a highly agitating job and I'll feel the agitation churning around in my chest and throat (makes you want to scream)
Put me in a depressing job and I will feel 'down'".

It is just hard to stay focused sometimes on any goals I have when the job is dissatisfying and has no real potential for any one (retail). Its also hard to go to work even as a casual when your fulltime staff hate being there and are consistently looking for validation in their "hard work" from smaller staff like my self because the company doesn't give them the acknowledgement.

Its emotional straining to go to work and try to uplift others when its not my job, but what else can I say? "I don't want to hear it?".

[therising]

Hi poss93

I figure, you gotta question management when the staff are so disgruntled. When management is questionable and doesn't want to manage differently, it's enough to drive you a little crazy. I remember my last retail job, about 30 years ago, where it got to the point where I'd come home every day after work in tears. Bless my mum, she insisted I quit and I did. There was a lot of pressure to perform what was really a heavy load managerial position. When I asked for a manager traineeship, they declined until I handed in my resignation. Then they offered it to me. Nup, I was out of there. Although management were basically good in that job, basically in my opinion doesn't cut it, not when the staff aren't given the consideration they deserve. Most (not all) management I have worked under since have been great at listening and negotiating with their staff.

It's amazing how all you hear from particular companies are rave reviews from their staff. You can be guaranteed management are legends at their job. Often there's a lot of positive energy and high productivity from staff in these jobs. Wonder what results you'd get if you typed into Google 'What Australian retail companies are great to work for?'

While coming to manage my mental health through a lot of trial, error and success, I manage not going back into depression. I figure our job is a big factor in the area of mental health. 'Does this job raise me or bring me down? Do the staff raise me or bring me down (even if it's unintentionally)? Am I left feeling energised by my achievements and co-workers or drained from being emotionally exhausted?' Just a few key questions. I believe we shouldn't have to tolerate 'down' and 'emotionally exhausted'. Eventually this kind of existence becomes intolerable.

While the aged care facility I now work for is run by perfectly reasonable management, there are management choices that do frustrate us there. COVID has been frustrating for management, residents and staff in aged care facilities. Due to management's high standards and demands, not a single case of COVID has entered the place. We all have a naturally great sense of humour (verging on crazy) and I believe this has what has made a positive difference among staff. Is there much humour at your workplace? Is this something you could bring to the party? If it becomes contagious, the overall vibe may change. Is it possible you could bring out the sense of humour in your co-workers?

🙂