Stuck in a rut

[Maggie_]

Hi all,

I feel like I've probably suffered depression my whole life but only realised in the last couple of years that that's what it is. I've never ever felt content in life. Even at school I hated almost every subject and struggled to make friends as I was painfully shy and just generally felt unhappy. I am less shy these days however I still feel unhappy a lot of the time and have such little motivation. I called in sick to work today and will probably do the same tomorrow as I'm just so over it and don't want to go in. I find the daily routine of life so tedious it makes me want to cry. I feel like I'd rather just go travelling forever so that everyday is different but I know that's not realistic. I exercise regularly and am eating better lately which I thought would help me feel better but it hasn't really! I feel stuck in a boring rut and don't know how to get out of it. Sometimes I think I would like to re-train and learn a new skill to try a new career and get a better car as it's on the verge of giving up, but I just don't have the money. My partner is against me getting a loan as we have enough outgoings as it is and have a wedding to pay for. So even when I do muster up a bit of enthusiasm and start researching courses I could do I then remember that there's no point me researching it because I can't afford to do it anyway and that just makes me feel worse again like there's no way out of the rut I'm in and will just have to continue with my current routine and job which I'm so bored with. What's the point in living a life you don't want? I'm really at a loss of what to do. I've spoken to a psychologist a couple of times but I always relapse. I'm wondering if it's worth me finally trying antidepressants? I'm worried I'm going to drive my partner away as I'm always so down all the time.

[BballJ]

Hi Maggie.

This is a little tough to give advice on as it almost seems as if you know what you want to change in your life to get out of this rut you are in and that is to learn a new career which is always great. Is there any way to get sort an intern-style job at something you are interested in, something that pays but you can learn along the way?

My second question is does your partner know the full extent of how you are feeling? That should be the first step if it is not as I am sure your partner wants the best for you, and for you to enjoy life.

Thirdly, I'd speak to your GP about the medication you are talking about as they are the only ones who can give proper advice about it and would know what is best for you, also is it possible to go back to see your psychologist, if you are relapsing, possibly you are not going for long enough to get the tips to deal?

My best for you,

Jay

[Guest_322]

Hi Maggie,

I have no advice to offer but I just wanted to say that I can empathise with much of your post.

Feeling discontented your whole life is something that I can relate to very well.

I find the daily routine of life so tedious it makes me want to cry. I feel like I'd rather just go travelling forever so that everyday is different but I know that's not realistic.

Those words also ring true to me. I also struggle immensely with the monotony of daily life- most days feel like some sort of sentence to endure. For me, it isn't a matter of simply switching up my routine or picking up a new hobby- those things all feel like bandaids on a wound.

I can't offer much except to say that you're not alone in feeling this way.

I hope, in good time, you'll figure out what it is that you need/want to do to.

Dottie x

[Maggie_]

Thanks so much for your replies Jay and Dottie. I may make an appointment to see a GP and get more information about antidepressants. My partner does know how I feel and he tries his best to help me feel better. It sometimes works in the short-term. I feel bad moaning to him as he's been working so much overtime to go towards our wedding. Makes me feel lazy and like I shouldn't moan.

Dottie I feel the exact same way. The hum drum of daily life bothers me soo much. I think I will always feel that way no matter what job and routine I have. It is a comfort to know I'm not alone, so thank you. I hope that one day we can feel more content with the routine of daily life.

Maggie

[geoff]

hi Maggie, the thought of travelling around may seem that you could feel better, but it won't, there will always be that doubt in the back of your mind, something which will remain with you until you do decide to try taking AD's, however this may not stop any relapse, but what it will do is make you feel better for the rest of the time, that's much better than feeling down all the time.
Being in your current job which you don't like is only going to contribute to your depression, and I know that you have money problems and need to work, but try and look for something which may suit you better, perhaps something in the field of what you want to study for, that may give you some encouragement. Geoff.

[Guest_322]

Hi Maggie,

Thanks for writing- it was good to hear from you again. It's great that you're considering seeing a GP and possibly medication too.

Your partner sounds like he tries hard to be supportive. And without minimising his support- he does seem very thoughtful- whatever it is you're going possibly through runs deeper than any support he can give you. I wouldn't call you lazy but just someone who is struggling and extremely unhappy.

Yep, it appears you and I share an understanding about struggling with the monotony of daily life. Maybe we will or maybe we won't feel more content with the routine of daily life as time passes.

Maybe it's not about trying to find contentment in routine- maybe it's the opposite. Maybe it's about mixing it up and doing something exciting. Alas, finances are often a bit of a roadblock. One day huh...

Dottie x

[BballJ]

Hi Maggie,

Thanks also for replying. I do hope you make that appointment with your GP, just to get the advice you need and also glad that your partner is supportive of you, that is a great thing. I know it can seem trivial but I really do think a new career that is financially suitable for you as well may be worth looking into. Sometimes having such an average job that brings you down, brings so much of your life down and having a good positive job can make a world of difference to your day to day life.

My best,

Jay