Struggling with my breakup with my partner with undiagnosed BPD

[Shesme]

Hi all,

Just writing as I'm completely struggling with my breakup two weeks ago with my partner who I am 99% sure had unsteadiness BPD. He has opened up to me on so many occasions offer the last 10 months about his intense life struggles.

I think this hurts even more as I'm used to him consistently splitting and self-harming for periods at a time. I opened up to him that I couldn't take things the way they were and within an instant he cut off from being excessively clingy and loving to he just wanted to be alone, for a really long time and he wanted me to find someone else.

He has made so many positive changes since the beginning of our relationship (I'm his first long term partner ever)

I feel I have failed him, we were so connected. Just feeling so down and heartbroken. Both he and I have no contact with our families so this is really tough.

I'm used to contact after a few days to a couple of weeks as he stabilised again. But this is different.

Dealing with BPD (with other mental health struggles intertwined into this for him) is so damn heartbreaking and tough.

Do I continue to try to be there for him? I have so much love and respect for what this man battles every day.

Thankyou in advance x
 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Shesme,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums, we're so grateful that you have reached out here tonight as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your partner. It sounds like this must be an incredibly difficult time for you and can hear that you must be feeling really heartbroken. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and our caring community are here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this.

It's also really important that you have support for yourself during this time, and we hope that you always feel welcome to reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service. The kind counsellors are available to you 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) at our website here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport They can help offer support and advice, and can also help with referrals for ongoing support if this is something that you may be interested in.

We hope that you can find some comfort here in these safe and non-judgemental forums, and please feel free to keep us updating us on what you're experiencing and feeling, whenever you feel ready to.
 

[CalmCat]

Hi Shesme,

I'd like to welcome you to the forum also, and thank you for being so brave and sharing something so personal in your first post to the forum.

It sounds like your partner is now a friend, and you can still care for a friend. Maybe this is a chance to change your relationship to something more fitting to your current circumstance. You know what they say "everything happens for a reason"... and maybe becoming friends is the best thing for you both at the moment while he goes through this difficult time.

Remember love comes and goes, but friendship is forever!

Hope you have a great night and let is know of any up dates.

Regards,

CC