Struggling with anxiety and depression

[Oceans]

hi,

I have recently been experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression that are. Making it hard for me to function as normal. I have seen my doctor and she has scheduled an appointment tomorrow for me to probably be prescribed medication. 

I feely really uneasy about this. I know that I need help and I started seeing a psychologist 3 months ago when I first realised I was struggling. I thought it was issues related to deaths in my family but other things have come out of the therapy and I now feel like I am spiralling out of control. I am having trouble sleeping because my heart won't stop pounding, I feel in a constant state of fear or really low. I am finding eating difficult. I have been off work for over a week and have managed to say it was due to asthma and infection but I don't know how much longer I can hide the truth. I am worried I won't be able to work if I can't control this. I feel to ashamed to admit what is going on as it is a relatively new job. If I try to go in I am worried I will have a break down at the slightest thing because I am so jumpy, on edge and exhausted.

 i just don't know what to do 😞

 would love some advice

[Sophie_M]

Hi Oceans,

It is great to hear that you have been putting plans in place to get support. Having a team of health professionals can help you to identify what is going on and offer the support and treatment that you need. The psychologist will help you to build you skills in managing your mood while the doctor can help to monitor how you are feeling but also explore the medication options for you. We wanted to reassure you about the idea of medication. It is not uncommon for people to worry about the idea of taking medication for depression and anxiety but for many people it can make a significant difference to how they feel. It is important to learn about the possible side effects, how long it takes to work and what to expect – that helps you to make an informed decision about taking medication – but for many people medication helps to provide an improvement and stability in their mood. With a more stable mood you are also likely to notice and improvement in sleep, concentration and desire to eat (thus building up your energy). This can then enable you to maintain your responsibilities at work, home or in the community.  This often also creates a springboard from which you can get more out of the sessions with your psychologist as you are more able to implement the coping strategies you have been learning. Medication is certainly a treatment option to seriously consider when you feel like things are deteriorating and when the symptoms are affecting all aspects of your life. Our advice is to ask the GP any questions that might be on your mind so that they can be clear about your options.

You also talked about your psychologist and it is great that you have their support and have begun to learn more about yourself through this process. The psychologist will talk with you about not only how you are feeling but also how you can approach work. One of the important things to remember though is to take one step at a time and to start by making a plan for how you are going to approach your treatment with your GP and psychologist. Then, with their support, consider what to do about work. You might choose to take a little more sick leave, you might choose to go back but ask for a few shorter days or some work from home days, or you might choose to inform your boss. Talk through your options so you can decide what will work best for you.

Oceans we would also encourage you to keep coming back here. People share ideas, offer support and encourage you along the journey. Oceans you have made many positive steps to help yourself so anytime we can help you along the way please let us know.

[Oceans]

Hi Sophie,

Thank you so much for your reply. It does really help to hear the advice and suggestions and make me feel like I am going a little less crazy. I did start taking medication yesterday as my GP feels my depression is severe. Whilst I worry about being medicated I also realise I need some help. I have already started to feel some of the edge has been taken off my anxiety. Hopefully it will continue to work so I can get back to normal. I am just going to try to take it one day at a time. When my psychologist saw me on Saturday he asked me to wait until I saw him again in a few days before I started taking the medication. This was different advice from my GP o wanted me to start immediately. Out of desperation I have started to take it straight away. It is hard when you get conflicting suggestions and your mind is not in its normal functioning state. I have taken the rest of the week off work. I tried to tell myself that if I had a physical illness at this level I would have no qualms about taking the time. Also, I am a school teacher so it is a tricky one to fulfil when you are not well and you have a duty of care to the children. Then it is school holiday period so I will have another 2 weeks to get myself back on my feet hopefully and return to work.

At the moment I haven't really opened up to any of my family and friends. I know it's important for me not to isolate myself but I just feel while the antidepressants are settling in I just need some space. When I do feel overwhelmed I try to write in a journal so I can keep perspective on things.

thanks once again for your help and kindness.

[Sowtey]

Hi Oceans I understand how you feel especially about not wanting work to know why you may need more time off work. Interesting that mental health does not have the stigma it once had, thanks to the great work of organisations like Beyondblue, but it still feels harder to be completely honest about the reason. I wish you all the best for your recovery. 

[Oceans]

Hi Sowtey,

thank you for your reply. I know you are right regarding the stigma. Especially as I read the forums on this sight. I guess part of it is me accepting my problem and needing to process it first before I can have the conversation. Also, I am on probation so feel it will affect being offered a permanent role. Part of me wonders maybe not going permanent might be a blessing in disguise for a while. 

Take Care,

[Bodey294]

hello, 

i hear you man. i know exactly what you mean. feeling anxious and tense in attempt to try and disguise your feelings. keeping them inside and bottled up. afraid of the stigma, the shame, the truth. its sucks