Struggling to get anywhere with feeling better about myself, proving myself to be a good person

[Guest_6011]

Yeah just struggling for getting anywhere to feel better about myself and just to feel better about what I'm doing. In general, like I'm not good enough just never do feel like that I can do better. And be, get better just never happens. People want to be a hindrance on it and find some stupid thing to "hang the hat" on for myself,  that's going well. But truth is whatever I do- is never good enough 

[Croix]

Dear StevePLFC~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good place to come to see if you can find others who have felt the same way and how they handled it.

Feeling not good enough, or what one does is lacking something is a pretty common thing here. I have an anxiety condition which is much improved but still get the feeling at times. At its worst I felt I really could not do anything properly and would spend far to many hours trying to get one thing perfect (I did not really succeed) while letting other things I should be doing left undone.

This resulted of course in me thinking others shared my view and I was not capable of doing well. In fact nobody had told me anything in any way critical or said I was not doing well, so I don't know why it started.

I did not improve until I sought medical help, and that was an excellent move. Unfortunatly I'd left things far to long and that made the anxiety harder to treat. It took a long time but with family support, therapy and medication I'm now a different person.

So having said what made all the difference for me do you mind if I ask you what support you have? Are you seeing a medical professional? Also are you trying to cope wiht this by yourself or do you have anyone you can talk to about this who simply has to  listen and care? I talk with my partner whose views I trust and am given a more realistic perspective as a result.

If you felt like coming back and saying more about your circumstances and how you are going that would be great

Croix

[therising]

Hi Steve

I think feeling our way through life can be one of the most challenging experiences because it comes with so many emotions and questions. Waking up to the tougher questions is not a problem when the answers come to mind easily but when they don't, when they take months or years to find, it can feel like a form of torment or torture in the lead up to finding them.

I've found 'our best' can be subjective. We could be doing our best under the circumstances and not even realise. If the circumstances involve self doubt, we can be doing our best while working with self doubt and all the challenges involved in self doubt (mental programs/belief systems, emotions etc). If we lack much needed guidance, we can be doing our best without the best guidance. If we have next to no energy, for one reason or another, we can be doing our best with next to no energy. In such cases, changing the circumstances means our best will also change. Then there can be people getting in the way of us achieving our best. This can involve people who put us down or keep us down, as opposed to experiencing life with people who bring out the best in us. They're the kinds of people who raise us (our spirits, our sense of consciousness, our energy levels, sense of wonder etc). If we're highly sensitive we'll be able to sense the difference between such people. They definitely have a feel to them.

I think life can feel short of volunteers at times, with a lack of enthusiastic volunteers who are excited and determined to help bring out the best in us. They're definitely out there, those volunteers. It's a matter of finding them. Whether they write books on greater self understanding, whether they appear on YouTube offering revelations and some form of constructive guidance or whether they're people who can simply relate to how incredibly tough life can feel when you can't find the best in yourself at times, there are a variety of people out there who can offer some answers to the question 'How can I find and bring out the best in myself, under the circumstances?'. Another key question can be 'What are the circumstances I face?'. Helps to know what we're dealing with. So many questions on the quest for greater self understanding.

[Guest_6011]

Hey Croix yeah literally nothing support wise but here I am aha. So that speaks to looking for it on here, anyway yeah just come back here to see if was something could gain from the forum. At this point is all that matters, how much things are stacked up against me. And made to feel ok that they are but I'll keep going, is ok. Distractions is key at the moment 

[Guest_6011]

Nah no care from anyone 

[therising]

Hi Steve

I think of how tough it can be sometimes when people are waiting for us to get better in the way of function, mental wellbeing or ability. They can be kinda waiting for us to 'snap out of it' or 'get our s*** together'. And while they're waiting, we're suffering. My question at times is 'Why are they waiting? Why are they not doing whatever it takes to make a difference?'. Sometimes it comes down to 'How to make a difference when no one else is going to?'. Far from easy at times.

Can you pinpoint any differences you're desperate to find/make? Personally, I'm a shocker with self discipline. I have to start making a difference there. A lot of the time I can't make a difference to myself or my life without some form of self discipline. Was talking to my mum just yesterday about this topic. Now in her early 80s, she admits she was given no skills in the way of self discipline. So, no conscious skills to pass onto me, which helps explain why myself, my 20yo daughter and 18yo son lack skills in self discipline. If I went back far enough to my grandmother and all those who came before her, I imagine maybe no one had any conscious skills that they passed on. As my mum put it 'Growing up poor and with my dad having died when I was 4, there was little choice back then. Government assistance didn't exist back then like it does today. We had to leave school and go out and get a job when we were kids. We had to make the best of what we had (leading to invention and a more exercised imagination). We had to find a way of making things work'. After this conversation I realised sometimes self discipline comes from having no choice.

Whether it's 'I have to go to the GP to address my mental health, I have no choice' or 'I have to start developing certain skills, I have no choice' or 'I have to find a different job (that's not depressing me or leading me to anxiety), I have no choice', no choice can mean developing skills in getting out of our comfort zone and sometimes going outside the square. Of course, the zone we find our self in can be far, far, far from comfortable, it can be downright depressing but there is no choice but to work our way out of that zone because it's just too brutal and intolerable. If you gave yourself no choice, do you think you'd consider Croix's suggestion about seeing your GP, which could lead you to some form of guidance counseling? Sometimes there's simply no choice but to seek guidance when we're feeling so incredibly lost.

[Guest_6011]

Hey TheRising feeling a bit better. Noticeably this morning so yeah thanks for the check in

[mypositiveside]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way. It's not uncommon to struggle with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. However, it's important to recognize that these negative thoughts are not a reflection of your true worth or potential. You are not alone in experiencing these feelings, and many people go through periods of self-doubt.

[Croix]

Dear StevePFLC~

It's a pity you have to rely just upon yourself wihtout others, it does make life harder.

There is one thing I have done and still do today to make a bit of a difference.

Each day I have a time set aside each evening when I do something either I enjoy or simply distracts me and lets me forget about the world and all the hassles for a little while. In my case it might be a chapter in a book I enjoy, a DVD movie or any one of a number or other things like getting out of the  house, and talking to someone I like - but not about serious stuff.

No doubt the things you might choose would be different - they do not have to be big - however the principal is the same. It gives a person something to look forward to each day, and is in fact a sort of self-reward. I find that those self rewards build up and I end up feeling I deserve them -a positive sign.

It's something you can do yourself that may help.

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

[Guest_6011]

Oh yeah of course could be anything the relief, but yeah struggle to get that at the moment aha. Certain things may not want to mention there aha, sorry this is not the place for it anyway. Nothing risky, but yeah anyway they are good Croix. And yeah usually sport for me, but just anything that keeps me going. Keeps the upbeat level of just mindset I guess