Struggling to find joy

[Guest_74403194]

I recently went on holiday to Japan and loved it so much I didn’t want to leave. But I had to, and I’ve come back to the city I’m living in with my boyfriend (for his job), which I never really liked. But I now feel so much distain for this place and I’m struggling to find joy in anything. I’m not excited about anything, I feel lost, I’m uninspired, I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what will make me happy again. I’m going between just ok days and awful, hating life days. I’m usually a really happy person but I have gone through low patches like this before, it happens every couple of years and I can never pin point why or how to pull myself out of it. 
I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know how to swim back up to the surface. I don’t have any “close” friends here, and I have adhd so I find organising things really hard. I don’t know how to spark joy in my life again. Does anyone have any suggestions for pulling myself out of this low? 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This can happen, you arent fully happy then a change comes like an overseas trip and it makes you realise how unhappy you actually have been. I had that when as a kid living in Melbourne we'd visit Tasmania and stay on my pops farm, milk cows, bale hay, catch rabbits, then return to the suburbs where it was boring, people were colder, activities fewer. I became depressed.

My guess is that your ADHD isnt so much to do with this situation because it is so common. Although an over active mind can be a challenge to fulfil it with activities. Like anything in life however, a compromise should be you and your partner goal. That might include searching for a town in regional areas that might include some short term commuting before finding work there. A holiday home to begin with if in that financial position. But also it might include regular overseas trips to fulfil that void as well as you've developed a taste for it.

Another issue could be lack of distraction. I found I was somewhat lost until my first child came along, her being my new focus tended to shut out all the other feelings I had as if they were now far less relevant.

I would recommend a GP visit on the basis of your "drowning" feeling. This over whelming state of mind could be a sign of additional depression. 

In the meantime mixing up your weekends to include some social activity, a restaurant, a drive to the country. I moved from the city to the country in my late 20's after several trips to the mountains to "escape" society. I realised the quiet life was more to my mood but thats me, it could be you also. What ever your decisions try sharing them with your partner and find a solution. 

Do you have a passion? Some find issues with what they want when they havent got a passion, passion meaning an obsession with an interest or hobby. 

If seeking a country life a town of minimum 3000 people will have all the facilities you need but less than 10,000 to keep that country atmosphere. If you pinpoint the problem involves your relationship then you can expand on that here in this post and we can offer some ideas based on lived experience. Otherwise couples counselling.

I hope I've helped you and feel free to repost with any questions.

TonyWK

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an intensely challenging time in your life.

As Tony mentions, '...you arent fully happy then a change comes like an overseas trip and it makes you realise how unhappy you actually have been'. There's noting quite like an exciting or joyful adventure or change of scenery to offer a comparison (to the kind of lifestyle that lacks a sense of excitement, sense of joy, sense of peace or something else we've been longing for). 

I can recall hitting on quite the revelation one year when coming back from my usual annual holiday to a place I'd describe as heaven on earth. Each year I'd go there and then return home with some sense of sadness or disappointment. One year it hit me in quite an overwhelming way. I'd come back to find myself in tears while feeling deeply depressed. In an effort to analyse the hell out of what was going on, it suddenly hit 'What am I re-turning to or turning to again?'. To return or turn again to a lack of excitement can be challenging. To turn again to a lack of adventure can also be challenging. To turn again to that 'Groundhog day' vibe can be intensely challenging. In some cases, the whole thing can feel depressing. I believe the ultimate challenge is to come back home and not turn again to what can feel soul destroying to some degree. 

Of course, what feeds or fuels the soul for one person may be completely different to what does it for another. For some, home is nothing more than 'home base'. It can be the place we come back to, to develop parts of ourself that need developing. So, you could say

• I'm returning home to develop the financial manager in me, which will lead me to feel what it's like to save like a star for the next adventure
• I'm returning home to develop the globe trotter in me, the part of me that leads me to feel excitement while it pushes me to research the next adventure
• I'm returning home to develop the interior designer in me, the part of me that's going change 'home base' into something that leads me to feel natural highs
• I'm returning home to develop the romantic in me, the part of me that will challenge my partner to do more romantic things (things that set my soul alight, things that feel inspiring)

In summary, 'I'm returning home so that I can begin sensing the feelings I need to sense. I''m going to begin coming to my senses in really strategic ways'. For example, if you're a sensitive person already and what you sense or feel is a soul destroying lack of romance, there's a good chance you're sensing accurately. The question then becomes 'What am I going to do about what I currently sense in this relationship?'.