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Struggling to cope without therapy

Collin_G
Community Member

Sorry that this is long but please bear with me. This is the only place I have to turn to.

 

I’m currently on a waiting list for therapy that could last anywhere between 3 or 8 months. I have no access to medication or help. My last therapist dumped me after only 3 sessions so I don’t have high hopes for the next therapist I get.

 

I have been depressed for years. So far no medication has helped at all. I am 25, live with my dad and work for less than minimum wage. My social anxiety and depression is so bad that I can’t work up the courage to go outside. I’m ugly, fat and awkward. I have no friends at all. I’ve given up on life. I’m too much of a coward to end it so I just wallow in self-pity and drink (my dad basically pays be with booze now).

 

As of right now my grandma has terminal cancer. My grandad is abusing both her and my mum. To top it all off my cat that I’ve had since I was 9 is dying too. Lost another friend of the family to cancer only a month before all of this. But I have to stay strong and help my mum since her husband is too drunk to care. It’s killing me. She’s against me getting therapy and lashes out at me, no matter how much I try to support her. I know that she’s scared, overworked and grieving so I put up with the abuse.

 

Even my older brother (40 years old) abuses and threatens me too. My dad just mocks me. I have no one to talk to. My extended family refuses to talk to me at all since I came out as gay.

 

I’m really struggling to cope. Any advice and self-help techniques would be greatly appreciated. I’m trying to hold on until I get that appointment but I’m honestly terrified of being dumped again with all of this going on. I don’t know what to do anymore.

5 Replies 5

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Collin_G,
 
Firstly, let us welcome you to the forums. Thank you for having the strength to share your experiences and concerns. Please feel free to express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement as this is a safe space.
 
With so much going on for you personally and with your family, we can hear the pain and distress you are feeling and want to ensure you remain safe. If at any point that urge to end it becomes too strong or you feel unsafe, please contact emergency services on 000. Please know that we do not see living as “cowardly”, as it takes more courage to persevere and seek help as you have done.
 
Please know, if your urges to end it or to give up on life are causing you distress, we would also recommend the suicide call back service. They offer a range of contact methods that can be accessed via Suicide Callback Service or by giving them a call on 1300 659 467.
 
We also wish to say that no one deserves to be abused, in any form. We hope that you would seek the police for any situation in which you believed you or another member of your family where in immediate or ongoing risk. 1800RESPECT offer a multitude of services to assist with healthy relationships, domestic abuse/ violence and have trained counsellors available 24/7. You can call them on 1800 737 732 or access their 1800RESPECT Online Chat.
 
Please remember if you feel you need to talk through how you are feeling or honestly do just need a chat, please contact Beyond Blue either via phone  1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat. The Beyond Blue safety planning app might be worth looking at, too. You can read about how it works and where to download it here.
 
Thank you for trusting our supportive community and sharing your experiences, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M
 

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Collin_G,

We know we have already chimed in, but we believe that you would benefit from looking into the following services and did not want to miss offering you the opportunity to do so.

As you have stated a lack of acceptance by your extended family, we recommend contacting QLife. They’re a free and anonymous service run by LGBTIQ+ peers for those wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings, or relationships. They operate between 3pm and midnight each day and can be called on 1800 184 527 or chat via QLife Online Chat
 
The National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline can be contacted 24/7 by calling 1800250015, where you will automatically be connected to the Alcohol and Drug Information Service that operates in your state or territory. Reaching out for help and support is an important first step in dealing with the issues alcohol might be causing in your life, find more information via Dept of Health link- NAAODH.
 
As you stated it has been difficult to get a psychologist appointment, between extended wait-times and your concern of being “dumped”, please consider this service. Someone Health is a varied team of Bulk Billing Psychologists who are available for video and telephone Counselling 7 days a week. And, for most Australians it's free under Medicare. Visit Someone Health to find out more.

We hope that these links will provide some assistance in your desire to find appropriate and supporting mental health services.

Warm regards
Sophie M

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Collin, I'm sorry for the situation you are in, but please don't wait 3to 8 months before you start talking to someone, as Sophie has suggested please contact Qlife.

You should not be saying that you are 'ugly, fat and awkward' because that's an opinion others may totally disagree with because what this does is that it creates negative thoughts which may then lead onto other thoughts which are also not true.

Give yourself a break as there are other outside issues you have to contend with.

I'm very sorry about your grandmother and the loss of your friend as these add on to how you are feeling along with the abuse from your brother.

Whatever your sexuality is, is your decision and even if you were straight then your family could still disagree with your choice so this won't give you any confidence that you desperately are trying to find.

Please be careful of the alcohol, at times it may seem to appear that it helps you, but next morning you're back to square one and need to repeat yesterday, but from experience it only puts bandaid on your problems, rather than seeking help.

Can you please keep in touch with us as we want to help you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Baileysmells
Community Member

Man I can relate to you with the extremely long wait times, it sucks so much the system is this strained. 

Are you waiting for this therapy via a mental health care plan? 

With medication, it’s honestly pretty close to throwing crap at a wall and seeing what sticks. But that’s ironically something that can help us, perhaps you haven’t found the one that sticks yet? Meds are more of a safety net than a cure all, it’s unfortunately still up to us to help it help. 

Something I believe saved me while waiting for months, was journaling. It’s a form of meditation. If you journal introspectively and throw your (cognitively biased) thoughts onto paper, you can kind of look at it in third person, put it on the shelf for later; dissect it and challenge the thoughts, or if that’s too much write mantra’s or specify when and where you’re feeling strong emotions to see if you can link it to a trigger you’re unaware of, quotes you want to apply. Even just numbering 1-10 how your mood is everyday. I’d recommend it. 

If you want to better yourself remember to do it for you. Give yourself time and patience. Confidence comes from surviving failure, not success.

And give yourself credit for the wins you get and have got, no matter how small. You got this.

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Collin, welcome to the forums. 

 

Wow you've been through a lot.
The things happening to family and the things family are doing aren't making your life any easier are they? 

 

I'm so sorry about all of these things. It's sad losing people and pets we love so much. Hugs. 

 

I'm also pretty shocked about the family's attitude about you coming out as being gay. 

 

Other members have made wonderful suggestions for you to try. KNOW we've been through a lot too and have found our way and are still finding our way. 
I'm SO GLAD you've come to this SAFE space to open up and get support. 

 

Please reach out to the Helplines mentioned any time! They are there for YOU. You are worthy of love and support. I really don't think your family knows how destructive their words and actions have been to you. 
It's probably more about them struggling to cope with their own grief and suffering. 

 

Oxygen mask on self first: 
* Helplines
* BB forums
* LOVE the Journaling idea. 

 

Be aware that alcohol tends to turn UP the volume on how we're already feeling deep inside. Just a consideration that this could be intensifying your emotions in an already very emotional set of circumstances. 

 

Love to you
EM