Struggling as a young mum & just want to be happy so my daugther doesnt grow up thinking it's her fault I'm always depressed.

[Crystal70707]

I am currently living with my daugther & boyfriend of 1 year. Some days i am doing great but the bad days out way the good days. Been struggling with my emotions, especially towards my boyfriend. One minute I can be extremely happy than the next I'm yelling at him or I start shaking & cry for no joke hours straight and I cant stop. It is effecting my daugther because even though it's not directed at her, she sees this emotionally unstable side of me that would make her feel like I'm not strong enough to be her mum.

Really desperately need advice or any thoughts on what my shaking and very quick /bad mood swings are the cause of. (I have tried going to the doctor but everytime I use any excuse to not explain that I need help as fear of judgment)

[geoff]

Hello Crystal, and a warm welcome to the forums.

The way you are feeling is not any reason to believe your daughter will think any worse of you other than you do need to see your doctor, OK you feel as though you will be judged that will not happen.

Doctors are here to help all of us for any condition we are suffering from and please remember they also become unwell so can I suggest that you write down what causes you to feel like this and the reasons why, then they will be able to help you.

These mood swings can become so intense that they disrupt your everyday life, and could indicate a mental illness but we can't diagnose you as we're not qualified, only a doctor can do this, so please try
and find the strength to talk with your doctor.

There are many people who also suffer from this and will be more than happy to reply back to you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Crystal70707]

Thank you so much, that actually gave me the push to go and I booked an appoinment today. Thank you

[Quercus]

Hi Crystal (and a wave to Geoff too),

For me some of the most wonderful posts to read are ones like your reply to Geoff saying you had made an appointment.

That is lovely to read because many of us here have been in your shoes fearing judgement but badly needing help and support. It isn't easy to decide to post let alone to make the appointment.

As a fellow Mum, reading about your worry for your daughter was something I relate to. A psychologist told me once that children are more resilient and aware than we give them credit for (like you I was so afraid my moods and depression was hurting my kids).

She said I was being hard on myself and that the fact that I wasn't happy with how I was acting as a parent and was seeking help was a sign of me being a responsible and loving parent.

One thing that helped was finding age appropriate ways to explain to my kids (4 and almost 6) what was happening with me and simply being honest with them.

You mention not wanting your daughter to think it is her fault you're depressed... and to me that shows you are being a considerate and caring parent.

Good luck with your appointment. I'd love to hear how you go if you decide to update.

Nat

[geoff]

Hello Crystal and thanks also Nat, print out the reply if you can and take with you before you see the doctor, this will give you some strength and know you have our support with you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Crystal70707]

Thank you so much Nat

The appointment went very well, i was given anti depressants which havent solved everything but have helped to tone down my emotions and make them a tad numb. I would love to hear how you have been coping now after your vist to the psychologist

[quirkywords]

Crystal I am glad Nat ane Geoff have given you supportive replies.

I am a mum with adult children maybe older than you and remember when they were young and I worried about my effect on them when I took all day to get the park in the holidays.

I think as long as you love your child and you are trying to get help, I think that is the main thing.

I used to write down what I was experiencing so I could see a pattern and see what behaviours worked and what did not.

I wish you all the best and enjoy your child as they grow up too quickly.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Crystal (and wave to Geoff and Quirky too),

Thanks for your update. It is a great feeling when someone comes back to talk some more.

It's good to hear the appointment went well and that you're giving the meds a go even if they make you feel a bit numb. Hopefully the meds settle or perhaps the doc can review the dose if you feel uncomfortable.

Quirky mentioned writing to try to find patterns in your behaviour. I wondered what you thought of that as an idea? Visiting the doctor and considering medication are important but seeking out other supports and ways to help are vital too.

You asked how I have coped since seeing the psychologist which made me think hard about what helped me in the past and what has changed, seeing as I'm struggling at the moment again.

I ended up choosing to see a psychiatrist and did therapy once a week for a year. It helped enormously to speak to someone independent of my family regularly. It sounds awful to admit but in therapy this was probably the only place it could just be about me and how I felt for a moment. It helped to allow myself the luxury of being a little "selfish" (which is actually a very necessary thing!).

What has changed is the psychiatrist thinks I'm doing well so we stopped the weekly therapy. And now I feel exhausted and angry again because I've been pushed back into Mum mode (meet all the family needs according to priority). Unfortunately that means my needs aren't met because there is never enough time or money once I've finished running around after the kids and hubby.

So... What helped along with meds and check ins with the doctor was putting aside one day every week which was a day to make my health a priority. Thank you for helping me to figure that out.

Quirky wrote that she hopes you are able to enjoy your child. My boss sad something similar this week and my immediate thought which I blurted out was I haven't been enjoying much of anything at all for a while now. It is not a good sign.

I wanted to share this to show you that setbacks are completely normal and what matters is that we just keep trying.

My kids don't judge. Maybe when they're older they might say I was a crap parent and I'll agree. But I'll also know I managed the best I could and kept trying. For now my kids see that. Mr 6 gave me a big hug the other day and said I love you Mum even though I don't like you when you're grumpy and telling us off.

Sorry if this isn't a hopeful post to read!

Nat