So concerned that my depression and anxiety has ruined my employment prospects.

[Lucy22]

Ok, first of all, I thank you for taking the time to read this.

I've had i anxiety and depression since I was as young as 15, but now that I am 26 it has hit me the hardest in my life.
Although mental health issues always loomed in the background, I managed to get a degree, held a part time job for 4 years and had an active social life. I moved to a new city in 2016 as I wanted the change. I worked in a new job for 8 months but was not able to meet the targets of the job (KPIs) and it got to the point that my doctor had to sign me off of work due to a mental health decline.

I felt like a total failure and spent 2 months of hell, unable to get out of bed, eat, shower and care for myself but I was lucky to find a fantastic psychiatrist who helped me get back on my feet. After two months of recovery, I landed a job in a large company and I finally felt this amazing turning point in my life & that all the darkness was finally over.

After 2 months into the job, I was commended for my professionalism and work ethic. However, one week later (last week) I was pulled aside and told that I have 1 month to show performance improvements, or they'll make the 'executive decision' to terminate my employment. Apparently I made too many small mistakes and they are concerned that if I continue, that it would be a cost to the business. I was devastated as I had put my heart and soul into it and deferred my master's degree so I could focus on settling into the job. Today the pressure was so overwhelming and I was making many silly mistakes and it was at this moment I decided to resign as I had realised that I was not capable of working under these conditions.

I have set up many plans to ensure I am safe and have the best support possible, but I am feeling so scared about the future. I am so concerned that I am getting older and my mental health issues are just robbing so many important years of my youth. What's more, I can't stop worrying that I am too incompetent to survive in the workplace, that I wont be able to find a workplace that is a good fit for me and that the gap in my resume (7 months so far and counting) as well as the short, 8 month stint in my last job will make recruiters reluctant to hire me.

Has anyone been in a similar position and managed to come out of it the other side?

[blondguy]

Hello Lucy22

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting on Beyond Blue

I really feel for you juggling a career and anxiety as well as depression. You are very strong to do so.

To answer your question......yes I have been in the same position and yes managed to come out the other side as well. The gap in your resume can always be dealt with. I understand your predicament with this gap but its only because the majority of employers are not 'tuned in' with mental health problems like you and I have.

I have worked for 35 years juggling careers (senior corporate level) with initially chronic anxiety followed by depression and yes its very hard to do. Its no picnic thats for sure

Can I ask you if you have a good GP that you can have a double appointment with......soon?

You are only 26 and I really hope you have engaged a GP and maybe a counselor too. This will be an invaluable help to you in the coming years. If you have seen your GP has he mentioned medication? Please excuse the questions, I am only trying to help you more effectively.

I wrestled with anxiety & depression until I was 33. I was a jerk and didnt accept the GP's recommendation to take a small dosage of medication. I also failed at accepting counseling too.

I have been in HR as well as management for years with this anxiety & depression and I succeeded with ongoing frequent counseling and meds (just prescribed for my situation)

If you could help us help you with your symptoms that would be a huge help Lucy.

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Lucy,

Wishing you all the best and welcome to the forum. Paul has given you a wonderful response. I would just like to add, the more help you can find to deal with your issues now will greatly benefit yo in the long term.

My husband and I both suffer from mental health issues. I have been open to assistance for years my husband has not. He has quite often blamed me for all of his issues. That is a whole different story.

It is only now aged 50 that he recognises he needs help, but is very selective as to where and how he receives that help. He has battled so long so needlessly.

I congratulate you on recognising you need help and assistance.

May I ask what the reaction was of your employer when you handed in your notice?

It is wonderful you have managed to put strategies in place to help you through this difficult time. Please remember there are many phone help lines you can use like the one here at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Lucy22]

Hi Paul,
thank you for taking the time to write it, it certainly is reassuring to read stories where persons with mental illness are able to pursue a successful career considering the obstacles involved.

I do have a very good GP who only works only up the street and I actually saw him yesterday morning before I quit the job. He seemed very concerned about me being in this role as he was the first professional to see me in that dark place last year. I also have a great psychiatrist and psychologist who I do make an effort to see regularly. At the moment I am taking medication and am finding it quite beneficial.

I guess its about trying to regain that confidence after this as it has been so challenging not to feel like I am incompetent due to these issues within the workplace. I also struggle immensely with the intense worry about the future and feeling limited with future prospects as a result of my mental health.

Thank you for your kind words, they certainly do help immensely during this tough time!

[Lucy22]

Hi Dools, thank you so much for writing in and sharing your insight. I am sorry to hear of your battle with mental illness and that your husband is struggling at this time also. With regards to your response - that is such a good way of looking at it, I guess addressing it as best as I can now can be very helpful for the long term.

I tried to leave my employment on good terms and told them that I am struggling with the pressures of the job and would hate for the mistakes I make to affect the business. They were really kind about it and sad to see me leave, which did make it harder in some way as I feel I woke up today with some second thoughts after leaving considering how nice they were about my resignation.

Thank you for writing in again, much appreciated!

[Doolhof]

Hi Lucy,

Leaving your work place on good terms may be beneficial for you in the long run if you need a reference from your ex employer. I have also heard of people who have contacted places of employment they have left asking if they have another position for them in the future.

Is it possible for you to find a part time position or even ask your employer if it is possible to work there part time or do you think it is best to just shut that chapter and move on else where when you are ready?

It certainly sounds like you have professional people available to assist you.

Hopefully you will be able to find a new work situation where you will be able to use your talents.

All the best, from Dools.

Oh yes, my husband had a better kind of day today of which I am thankful.

[Plastique]

Dear Lucy

Your title struck a chord with me, as did your story. I feel for you, and I know it's not easy. I just wanted to reach out and remind you that you're not alone...but you know that, right? 🙂

I'm not one who made it through (yet). I'm one who is kinda where you are now, except that I'm 52 ... twice your age. I add my age because you're concerned about getting older. You clearly are smart and talented and emotionally aware...so I'd nudge you to notice that at 26 you actually have a good age buffer ahead of you! Give yourself the time you need to find a path that's right for you.

I think you've discovered that perhaps some workplaces are just not right for the whole, actual person (including the depression) that you are, and that your work focus needs to be on finding a place that allows you to feel ... for want of a better word ... safe. That's part of nurturing and caring for yourself. These workplaces do exist, so focus on finding them...rather than signing up for another source of stress. If your system is not designed for high stress loads, it might be wise to avoid environments that are likely to create it. (Or, as someone else put it, "You don't want to climb a career ladder only to find it was leaning against the wrong wall!") Focus on finding a workplace where some degree of compassion is evident. That is a great way of being compassionate to yourself...which is part of the recipe for self-care, if not for recovery.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

M.