Sleepless night with tears

[Pinkmum]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant with an older boy of two. He is sick at home with dad and I'm at my parents crying behind the closed door. I suffered major depression m from the very beginning of this pregnancy and is still everywhere by this day. I could bearly have private time, even half an hour each day with hubby to share how I feel. Only tears can express my drowning sadness. Only people who have been through this understand how I feel. I hope.

[blondguy]

Hello Pinkmum

Hugs & Welcome (and for the strength to post)

I have depression but if you can bear with me I would like to get a friend on the forums that can give you the support you need...

you shouldnt be going through this alone Pinkmum.....

we wont be long

Paul

[Just Sara]

Hi Pinkmum and welcome to our caring community;

Your cries for help seem very distressing which isn't good for you at this time of your pregnancy. The Lifeline and BeyondBlue live phone chat service is a really advisable place to start ok?

I'd like to be able to assist you, but have little info to go on. I do feel you need a professional to help you sort through your overwhelming emotions and hopefully get some sleep.

I do understand your situation, or at least what you've told me. My husband left me for another woman when I was 30 wks and I had to work full time till my due date to survive financially. It was hell getting up to work each day exhausted and very, very sad. But the upcoming birth of my son kept me going. I wanted to see my little baby, healthy and with at least one parent who cared, more than any hardship I was going through.

Strength comes when we need it most, how else could we survive childbirth? It seems unimaginable women can get thru their pain alive, but we do...and so can you.

I'm with you and so many others, like Paul (post above this) who is caring beyond belief. When daylight approaches, there'll be more of us to talk with and even more as the day goes on. We hear you and care about you...please know this.

For now though, could you try these numbers and talk with very compassionate people who are trained to help you get through this crisis?

Lifeline: 131114

BB: 1300 22 3646

Otherwise, I urge you to see your GP tomorrow for a review and referral if needed.

Take care of yourself and your little one's...

Sara (Big Warm Hug)

[Pinkmum]

Thank you Paul and Sara. At least I know I am not alone. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. This afternoon I had a chat with my husband and asked him to read some information on caring for depressed partner. I hope this will give us a chance to work this out. My bub is getting sicker with high temp now. I pray he will be better soon and be ready to see his new baby sister. Sara, I thank you for sharing your experience. You have incredible strength!

[Just Sara]

Hi Pinkmum;

Thankyou for the complement...yes I was strong, but I had to be. I suffered post natal depression too but had my family close by. I left my career to be a single mum and do the work of both parents. People take this for granted as being normal these days, but it's bloody hard work.

I really feel for you lovely; partners do need to be informed and educated on the plight of women during and after pregnancy. However, men also feel helpless because it's in their nature to 'fix' things when they're broken. I don't want this to sound superior; men don't relate well when it comes to emotions or feelings, so they're not really the optimum sounding board for women going thru emotional pain. Other women make better confidants and friends when it comes to understanding.

With your hubby, try to be specific when asking what you want from him. Make it simple and doable and he'll respond better. Eg...I'd like you to take our son to the dr's as I don't have the strength. I've written his symptoms down on a piece of paper with how long it's been going on; give this to the dr. (Instead of saying; I'm feeling horrible today. Can you help?) This will make him feel supported, valuable and have an achievable outcome. It'll give you time to yourself and more confidence in him...win/win.

I know what it's like with sick bub's...so upsetting. Sometimes we need to look at parenting as a job; for peace of mind I mean, not indifference. Babies get sick regularly because they're transitioning, mind and body. It's ok to fall apart afterwards too. You're only human..

Keep in contact ok? I'd love to hear how things are progressing.

Hugs...Sara

[blondguy]

Hey Pinkmum 🙂

Thanks heaps for replying, and yes you are spot on Sara is very strong!

I think you are a very pro-active (strong) person to have enabled all the help you have and for having the strength to post here too

We hope your son gets better very soon, bless him

Really great to have you here as a member of the family Pink 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paulx

[Pinkmum]

Hi Sara and Paul, surprise!!!! I delivered my baby gal Mia this morning. She is 35 weeks and huge weighting 3.1kg. Hubby is home with my sick son with high temp. So I am lying in hospital with my mother staying overnight. There is no 'yeah!' from me this time as I am just feeling numb and dettached from my new born. She is in special care and I am not that eager to see her. I just got my sleeping med and hopefully I can get a good night sleep. Guys, I already feel you are part of my family. Big hug.

[Just Sara]

OMG this is a huge surprise! Congratulations to you and your husband, and good on your mum for her support.

Mia is a beautiful name PM! I hope your labour wasn't too long or difficult. She certainly is a good weight so I'm sure she has amazing resilience to get thru the next few weeks. Bless her little soul...I send out a prayer for her. I'm also sending one out for you, your husband and sick little boy. There's a few things in play for you all isn't there?

It's good you're getting some sleep, you'll be needing it to cope with upcoming days. Rally all the support you want and tell the nursing staff you're suffering with depression and finding it hard. They'll do what they can to help out and get referrals etc. They're the backbone of your situation; use them to supplement strength and courage to give yourself time to adapt and get stronger.

Technology and medical advances these days will give Mia the best chance possible to thrive. Taking care of yourself is primary right now; leave it in the hands of the post natal team to do what they do best because they're amazing people.

It really is bitter sweet lovely isn't it? But you'll get thru this one day or even each moment at a time; try not to dwell on the future too much ok?

I know you're doing it tough with internal emotions, but could I suggest something if I may? The one thing that can't be replaced for Mia is the 'touch' of her mother. She's in survival mode at present and will be for a while. Having your skin against hers, your smell or voice, will encourage the healing process for her. I know you're not feeling the bonding thing yet, but as the saying goes; 'fake it till you make it'...for Mia.

If you ask the staff, they'll take you in and hopefully let you hold her one way or another even if you only get to touch her little hand. I know you said you don't feel up to it, but you have a lifetime of experience to go on, and Mia is only starting out on her path. She needs you darling...it's hard to 'give' when your mind is numb, I know too well. Just touching her without 'feeling' it is enough. God knows you're screaming inside...I hear you too.

We're here PM...caring unconditionally to get you thru this. Keep in contact lovely...

Warm cuddles...Sara xoxo

[geoff]

hello Pinkmum, I'm so pleased that Paul and Sara have replied to you just to let you know that their are people who care for you.
Congratulations for the arrival of Mia but unfortunately at the moment you're not happy, that's what PND does to you, it destroys any enjoyment in your life, but I do know that down the track in a couple of years you will be so pleased to have both your children, but right now you are unable to see this, because my wife had PND with our second child which then lead onto myself getting it as well, which made it very difficult for me to run a family hotel business.
I was very apprehensive going upstairs when the pub had been shut and because I had been working 15 hours, simply because I was so inexperienced knowing what to do as well as hiding my own PND so I had to put on a fake persona to make sure that she didn't know how I felt.
I am wondering whether your husband has been able to take your son to the doctors not that they will be able to do much but that's not the point it will give you both some comfort where the pharmacist maybe able to give you some syrup to help bring down his tempature, because once you know about this then it could be helpful for you.
It is going to take a little while once you get home to adjust to having a new baby again, but more so to overcome your PND, so try and get help from your mother, which I hope that she will do without any asking too many questions, and with you it's time that you get the professional help not only from your doctor, psychologist but also any groups that will be able to help you and other mothers with PND.
Don't punish yourself for being like this because once this does happen then your condition will only get worse. Geoff. x

[blondguy]

Hi Pink

Congratulations on the birth of wonderful Mia 🙂 I am really sorry that you are feeling this crook with PND.

I am very happy for you and Mia 🙂 I hope your son is a bit better too Pink

Great to see the great advice above from Sara and Geoff

you are not alone Pink

(Hugs) and well done to you

Paul x