severely Depressed and Confused...

[rascal]

For most of my life, i have battled with depression and anxiety. I also have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) and have just learnt that i fit into the "category" of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) <<< After finding this out, it has answered a lot of un answered questions and now kind of makes a little sense. Lately , i have been feeling more depressed than i have ever felt in my life. I feel sad, scared, alone and very confused and i am not entirely sure why? It just hit me like a ton of bricks! I have been seeing the same doctor for over 15 years, so she knows me very well. i am in the process of getting some counseling and am starting on anti-depressants tomorrow.

I have lost my passion for everything and have no drive what so ever. I find it really hard to even get out of bed - but i force myself to do so.... Even my housemates have noticed a change in me, they can see im not my normal self and now i am wondering who and what my normal self is... ?

i know that keeping yourself busy and exercise can really assist with depression, along with routine. Currently , i find myself hiding in my room and not doing much of anything .... I don't want to speak to or see anybody. I don't like it when my phone rings , so it is off most of the time.. Gahhhh really need to try harder !

[rascal]

WOW what happened to the first half of my post ????

[HA1]

Hi Rascal

Welcome to the beyondblue forum & thanks for posting.

Yes, that first part of your post had me intrigued but after a while I managed to read between the = signs and "" marks!  

I gather that you have done it tough for most of your life with a bunch of issues, but do I understand it correctly that you are only now in the process of beginning medication and counselling?  

All the symptoms you describe are familiar to me and many on here, particularly the staying in bed, lack of motivation, turning off phones, and isolating oneself.  These were all signs of the severity of my depression.  After being on medication for a while, many find that the frequency and severity of these symptoms wear off a little. 

I don't think it is a case of trying harder - so don't be so hard on yourself. I really believe the best results will come if you listen to your body.  It will tell you if you are up to going for a jog or dancing.  I never forced it.  Of course you need to grab the opportunity if you feel OK to go and do something (walking, shopping, gym, etc).

Good to hear from you and I hope you keep posting.

Take care

K

[rascal]

Hi K

Thank you for your reply 🙂 yes you understood it correctly.., i am seeking council ling and have started back on anti-depressants as of today. I have struggled most of my life, but have kept my feelings, thoughts and emotions mostly to my self. I used to write a whole lot and am trying to get back into it as we speak.

I have never joined a forum such as this and am glad that i have. i believe sharing my pain with others could help tremendously....

Thank you

Rascal

[Zan]

Gi'dayrascal -- Totally empathize with you. I was on anti-depressants for 7 years before being told I was Bi-Polar and that was why the anti-psychotics never worked.

As for the whole sleep thing and turning off the phone and not caring ... that's your body telling you that it's exhausted and desperately needs to heal ... and obviously part of the depression and anxiety that has plagued you for so long. Hopefully the anti-depressants will produce more of those 'feel good' endorphins and give you a little 'normality' so the walking or exercise routine part of your life isn't so hard to manage. I found exercising ... doing weights while jumping/running on one of those mini-tramps excellent  (apparently they help to re-balance both the right and left side of your brain). Can't do it now though as I've torn a knee ligament and shattered my cartilage -- which is more than a little sad!

As for trying harder ... it's not that at all. Think of it more as "time out" and occupational rehabilitation (if you've ever been there you'll know what I mean). Just take it one step at a time ... and eventually you'll be up and running.

[rascal]

Hi Zan

Thank you for your reply. I realize this is a slow and daunting process. Over time i believe it will get better. Baby step all the way...

Do you take any medication for your Bipolar disorder ?

[Zan]

As far as I know there are only two"proven" medications to treat Bipolar, and both have permanent damaging effects upon bodily organs.

After my experience being pumped full of anti-psychotics for 7 years to the stage of "experimental" doses to treat my depression/anxiety -- only to be told after those 7 years that the reason those medications did not work was because they are totally ineffective in treating Bipolar,  I have now come to the conclusion that neither the treating practitioner nor the medication should be allowed to have any negative or harmful effect upon the body .... so as The Pirates of the Caribbean character Captain Barbarossa says "I disincline to acquiesce" to taking Bipolar medication. 

[rascal]

Thank you Zan

I sincerely hope it all works out for you. Best wishes.

🙂