Scared

[K_Ley]

Hi.

So, the past few weeks have been so up and down for me.  I first accepted there might be something wrong with me about 7 weeks ago.  Everyone at work was concerned with my changed mood and how often I was becoming irritable and stressed.  Four family deaths in less than 2 years will do that right.  I started therapy online about a month ago and so far, it seems to be going well.   I tried to go to a doctor about a month ago to be assessed but things didn't work out and I was meant to go back about two weeks later.  I didn't go.  I feel like I hit rock bottom recently and after numerous attempts to self-harm (some successful), I made a new appointment at the doctor.   That appointment is this coming Wednesday.  I also have a welcome phone call next Thursday with SANE to see if I am eligible for their guided 12-week program.    So much support is being put in place around me but deep down I am scared to death of visiting the doctor on Wednesday.  I think because that makes it all so real.  Once the doctor says yay or nay there is a problem there is no denying it.  Even after 7 weeks I am struggling to accept that I might really have a mental health issue.  I have never felt so vulnerable.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

[Bob_22]

Hi K_Ley,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like the last two years, with the last two months in particular have been very tough for you. It is great that you have reached out and have some supports coming up. Grief and stress are difficult things to cope with by yourself. With your visit tomorrow, I understand you are apprehensive as to whether you will find out a problem but that shouldn't be the focus of the session. Mental wellness is not about diagnoses or the absence of it but simply about how you are going, your daily functioning and whether you feel you are achieving your goals. As many as 1 in 2 people will struggle with mental health at some point of their life and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Diagnoses are not meant to "label" people or put them in a bucket but is simply a way clinicians communicate to each other regarding a cluster of symptoms. The focus of your therapy is not about diagnosis but working through the irritability and stress that you're going through. I have heard of SANE's program and it sounds like it is great. I wish you all the best with this.

Bob

[smallwolf]

It's incredibly brave of you to start reaching out for support and investing in your mental health - that shows so much self-awareness and strength, even when things feel vulnerable. This is a big step, and it's normal to feel apprehensive and uncertain about the doctor visit making it "real".

On the flipside... when I found out about my situation (fwiw) I was relieved as it also meant that what I was thinking or feeling was not made up, and to know there was something that could be done to work through.

It's amazing you have therapy and resources like SANE already lined up. Hold onto all this support as you take the next step with the doctor. Let people walk this path with you - you don't need to navigate it alone. Sending encouragement for Wednesday. This diagnosis does not define you. One step at a time...