Sad

[guest140]

Hello,

I find myself on the beyond blue website instead of sleeping. My husband is asleep next to me, aware of my pain but at a loss about how to support me. I'm a primary school teacher who has recently moved from Melbourne to Sydney. I suffer from anxiety related depression.

in m early twenties I had an eating disorder. I became very painfully and severely underweight. Throughout my twenties I was distracted by life, studying, working, building a house, getting married. Now, in my early 30s I feel like life is draining my energy. Late last year I was diagnosed with depression. I was given a prescription for anti-depressants and also treatment with a psychologist. Together with the psychologist I made the decision to undergo counselling and not take the medicines (I was not happy with the speed with which they were prescribed by a GP - 10 minutes nor was I comfortable with the side effects, but that's my choice). 

I thought last year my anxiety was caused by the stress at work. I found work relatively quickly in Sydney and have worked a term at a new school. I'm yet to find a doctor or counsellor in Sydney. I'm struggling to work out if I'm simply homesick and lonely (understandable) or if it's the work environment (I am not at all suited to this school) or if it's some other reason or a combination.

I'm scared that my dark thoughts and lack of vitality will come back. I'm sliding into a hole and I'm sure I lack to skills to help myself out. I cry most days. I'm extremely anxious. I feel trapped in this job, how can I leave after only one term, yet I'm also terrified of staying and descending into depression.

i need advice on how to leave one position unexpected while still somehow get a reference that can help future employment. Sydney is expensive and I need to work to pay rent. I fear the financial birder my anxiety and depression will place on my marriage. I'm so scared, anxious and lonely. Would like someone, anyone, to reach out and understand my pain.

Thank you.

[Jacko777]

I am very glad you have posted Mrs Parto. As your situation is complex I recommend you give the BeyondBlue webchat or phone service a try, they are there to help you. They can help you to find a doc in Sydney.

Meanwhile, I send you love. There will be plenty of people on this forum who will understand parts of what you are going through, you are not alone and you can talk to us whenever you feel like it. What things have worked for you in the past to avoid sliding into the hole?

Do you exercise, or meditate? You could benefit from some daily time-out where you completely focus on something else for at least half an hour.

Keep us posted.

Jacko

[guest140]

Hello

I have a counselling session booked. My mental health plan from last year is still active. I've had a rough time over the last couple of weeks. I see a counsellor in two weeks time.

i am not sure if my anxiety is causing nausea or if physically there's something wrong. I think it's the anxiety, but last week I had an ultrasound looking for gallstones. I've had a fever and pain in my abdomen (near the gall bladder). A week later and the pain, vomiting and slight fever are still present. Today I had blood samples taken for tests. I've so submitted my resume to an employment agency so I can look forward to new employment opportunities in the coming weeks. Maybe I've been feeling so poorly because there's something physically making me sick, leading me to a lack of sleep, which is contributing to my other symptoms. Even as I type that I think life's not that easy. I have a lot of work ahead of me change the thought patterns and choices I make in life.

My husband, bless him, thinks about me all day and is just so worried.

i've met some people in a group, they meet twice a month, usually I'd be working, so not sure if I'll be able to keep seeing them. I am also attending a weekly gathering of like minded people. It's made a difference, as I feel like belong to a group helps me feel less isolated and part of the community. I'm still incredibly shy, but at least I'm getting out there.

i think I need to be honest with myself. I've been saying it's just some anxiety. It's not 'just' a bit of anxiety. I'm depressed. About a month ago when I first went to the GP she asked if I needed sleeping tablets to help with th e sleeping. And if I'm honest, the reason I turned the offer down was because I was terrified of what i might have done with sleeping tablets. That's not the thoughts I want to be having. I want to be happy, have peaceful thoughts in my head and heart. I'm getting the feeling that I'm on a long journey. And I guess I like to hear how other people are going on their journeys. Share stories, help support each other?

[Jacko777]

Hi Mrs Parto,

I am glad to see you back here and I think it is great that you have taken on all these new activities. Hopefully you can find out where the nausea is coming from real soon.

Yep, it is a long and challenging and wonderful journey. Some times, each day even, sit back and find satisfaction that you ARE on your journey, you choose to take this on so that you can be a better person. I find that there are always challenges on my journey, what has changed is now I am less emotional and less fearful of the challenges, i have to take them on or I won't keep growing. So the quicker I get on with it, do what I have to, the quicker I get to a fresh challenge.

I make it my number 1 passion to find peace and happiness for my self. I research, practice, learn. You are so on the right track mate, love to you.

Jack