Recovering from depression

[John_E_S]

Hi all,

I hope you all are doing well.

I have been actively trying to improve my outlook on life lately. It is really hard but I feel I am very slowly improving.

The part I am finding the most challenging are the peaks and dips. I have periods where I feel ok, even happy, but they are split by periods where I feel horrible and can only see catastrophe. These bad periods seem to be more common in the morning

I have people I talk to but I feel I have been leaning heavily on them and really just usy re hashing the same comments again and again. Does anyone have anything that has been successful for them in getting through these troughs...

[mocha delight]

Hi John E S I used to be the same with being up & down but since 2/3 appointments ago I’ve been having more downs then ups. But I’m happy to chat if you’d like to even if I’m going through a down myself but it’s completely up to you 🤗.

[Croix]

DearJohn E S~

I've read your other thread Forums / Depression / New to this and can understand the great upheaval depression has made to your life. I'm glad to hear after all you have gone though that you feel you may be improving, even if slowly.

Trying to deal with the roller-coaster of your moods, worries and thoughts when recovering from depression is confusing, discouraging and having tasted things being better then the contrast if anything makes those downs seem worse.

I guess you might feel talking to others is wearing on them, I suppose firstly it is a matter of them having patience - those that care most often do, and explaining your feelings and anxieties is not all bad by any means. It does help to share, or so I've found.

Perhaps at times after you have explained how you are feeling you could look on those contacts as being a means of change, talking about other things than your pain even if you cannot hide the fact you are still feeling it.

Instead maybe engage in physical activity with them - perhaps a walk to a coffee shop or park - or simply being together. I know it goes against that ingrained need to keep on saying what is wrong and what is worrying you, however it might be at least partly doable - nothing is all black and white.

I found that I'd plan for when things were going to be worse during my happier times and have outlets open and ready. For instance I'd try to have one thing to do during the day I could look forward to. As an instance when I was at my worst I was given adolescent fantasies to read - they were simple and lifted me into a different world where villains got their just deserts and the good lived happily ever after.

This made me feel better for a while so I'd look forward to reading more. For you it would no doubt be something different. The idea is partly self-reward, and partly getting you thoughts away to another part of the world - something depression tries to hide as it shrinks everything down to a few hopeless seeming facts.

In my case the downs could come on anytime. Is there anyway you can change your evening, nighttime and morning routine to see if that makes a difference? Again trying doing something you enjoy/relieves you or takes you out of your world at night might spill over to less hurt in the morning - I'm not sure. Do you think it is worth a try?

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

[geoff]

Hello John E S, hearing people talk about their depression is always sad, simply because we have been through it ourselves and know exactly what you're talking about but we all differ when whatever happens during the day we are at our worse, whether it's when we try and sleep or when we wake up then these thoughts keep dominating our mind, unfortunately, this may be inconsistent from day to day but once we predict what's going to happen, then our problem becomes cemented in our mind and it's very difficult to change our way of thinking unless we can get the help needed to overcome this.

That's necessarily not easy to do, at first we talk with those around us but finally, they won't listen anymore because whatever they say to us doesn't seem to be working, then they decide to leave us to struggle by ourselves.

In the depth of our depression, we find it difficult to believe that there is a solution to help start us to feel better, but this is certainly possible as there are AD's that help you overcome this sadness in the morning and your GP would be able to advise you and find a treatment plan to help you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi John

So glad to hear you're experiencing some highs. This can be such a relief at times. Nothing worse than depression without a break. That, in itself, can be intensely depressing.

Personally, I've spent a number of years managing not returning to depression. I found it definitely takes some strategic management. I wish to share with you just some of what I've discovered for myself in the hope that it makes a positive difference:

• Become super sensitive. You'd think being less sensitive to your feelings would be the way to go but I found becoming more sensitive is something that's made a big difference to me. If you can feel someone bringing you down (you know that feeling), try and have as little to do with these kinds of people as possible. If certain people around you lead you to feel inspiration, these are the kinds of people you want in your circle. You want to be generating the feeling of inspiration, as it tends to produce a natural high. If no one in your current circle of 'go to' people leads you to feel inspiration, the challenge becomes about looking elsewhere. This can feel like an enormous challenge
• Learning to be more conscious of my energy levels has also made a big difference. What naturally boosts energy is worth researching. Hydration is a biggy for me, as is good quality restorative sleep. Being treated for sleep apnea made a big difference to my mental wellbeing
• Being careful what I daydream about is also a biggy. I'm a massive daydreamer and find if I zone out into imagining the worst case scenario, this can tweak my brain chemistry. It's said that generating positive imagery can actually increase dopamine levels
• One thing I think you'd be able to relate to is 'looking to have the same challenges addressed constructively by the same people who actually aren't helping'. I've discovered that all challenges that manifest in my life come as an opportunity for 'graduation'. You know what it's like, once you graduate to finally coming to understand the true nature of a challenge and resolve that challenge...you evolve beyond who you were. It's kinda like with each challenge mastered you become a new version of yourself, a more conscious one. With the people who inform me 'You keep rehashing the same old stuff', to them I may say 'Your solutions are not what I actually need. They're what you think I need'. Hope that makes sense. You'll know the best solution when you hear and feel it

I hope this makes some difference to you.

🙂

[John_E_S]

Thank you.

A few comments: Having an idea cemented in your mind. This is my biggest problem. I can try different things to move my mind away from the depressed thoughts but the second I stop doing whatever it is, my mind goes straight back go it. I have to admit some days are easier than others to not focus on it but it is really hard. Any suggestions on ways to get around this

Avoiding things/people that trigger you: This is also difficult. I think I have 3 main triggers.

1. Work - this is my main cause of depression and what I ruminate over.

2. Home life- I have a loving partner and daughter and am very lucky. However, my partner has been through a lot over the past few years and is struggling herself. I try my best to support but i find it very emotional to hear about the mental and physical challenges she is facing.

3. Family - We recently moved interstate to be closer to family and I love spending time with my Mum and Dad. However my dad has dementia and I am not handling that well. I want to be around him but it makes me really sad to see how he is compared to how he was.

So as you can see, this is challenging but I don't want to remove myself from these challenges. I guess acceptance of the issues is important? Are there ways to help achieve that?

[therising]

Hi John

Without a doubt, you have a lot of significant challenges. Don't you just wish you could say to the powers that be 'Please, just one challenge at a time' and things would start to get easier.

You sound like a very caring person, caring enough to stick out a job you don't like so as to provide an income for your family, caring in the way of your dad and caring for your partner who is facing her own struggles. Fulfilling the role of 'carer' can be exhausting, without a doubt. Being a mum to 2 grown teenagers, a wife, a daughter to 2 aging parents with mental and physical health issues and basically being someone who feels compassion and the need to care for those who rely on support has left me at times with the question 'Who cares for the carer?' If you try to make a difference in raising people (their spirits), 'Who raises the raiser?' There are occasions where the answer has been 'I feel like no one cares and no one raises me'. Depending on the circumstances, I know I am left with 3 obvious choices in this case

• To remain down and exhausted (I don't give myself this choice, as I know it'll trigger depression)
• Demand of others that I am better cared for and raised
• I care for and raise myself

That last one's a tough one which usually brings about the initial question 'Where the heck do I start?', followed by 'How the heck am I going to do this, especially if I don't know where to start?'. I believe one of the greatest challenges in life involves raising our self. No one ever really shows you how to do it, which makes things even more complicated. No wonder it's so hard at times.

I've found 2 key ingredients to raising myself to be wonder and education or research. Wonder triggers the mind to open, leading us to seek. For example, 'I wonder what I need to do in order to help my dad and myself manage his progressing dementia'. Praise the internet! There's a lot of information out there nowadays regarding an education on dementia. From how we can expect our parent's behaviour to gradually change right through to managing the sense of grief we, as their child, go through as we slowly lose them through such a mind altering experience.

Becoming a 'wonderer' and 'seeker' means committing to and practicing new identities. Personally, my wonder can border OCD at times. I cannot give into a challenge, I have to grow through it. Much easier said than done at times. If I can't find the answers myself, I seek out those who can lead me to find them.

🙂

[Gambit87]

I guess acceptance of the issues is important? Are there ways to help achieve that?

Learning acceptance has helped me alot, especially the quote 'My current situation is not my destination'.

My work life has also been a major cause of my depression and rumination aswell. I've been in the same job for 11 years now and ive never been promoted or been given learning opportunities ive just moved sideways. I'd always thought I was worthless, that I would amount to nothing and destined to stay in the rut. I'd always compare where otheres where in life (houses, cars, careers etc) to myself (renting, no car, no career outlook).

After time with my psychologist and talking about it - I've actually accepted where I'm at in life, including my job and I am actually happy with my life. I'm thankful for my job - especially with covid my job is quite safe.

I think acceptance comes from understanding a situation and asking yourself 'can I change this?' 'is this something I have control over?'.

right now i recognise that I need a job and until something comes up, I am actually ok with where I am working. Because again, my current situation is not my final destination.

[geoff]

Hello John, these triggers you can list in the 'trigger thread', it may be helpful for other people to read them, whereas they may not be reading this particular thread, just a suggestion.

Geoff.

[John_E_S]

Bit of a naive question but where is this trigger thread?