really struggling at the moment

[mogg123]

Hey everyone. I just joined this forum today, and I'm really new to talking about how i'm feeling. Its something i find really difficult to do, as i'm sure most of you can relate to! I've been dealing with depression for almost 2 years now and i've been seeing a psychologist and been on anti-depressants for about 1 year. This is the first episode i've had for the year and I'm just really struggling to get through it. I feel really numb and isolated from everyone. My family and friends have been really supportive of me which just makes me feel guilty that I feel this way. Anyone relate?

I hope everyone is doing okay 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi mogg123

Welcome to the forums and good on you for being brave enough to post. It's certainly not easy, no 🙂

It sounds like you have a good support network around you which is really great. With your episodes, do they generally last for very long? Or does it vary? What has helped in the past when you've had these episodes, to get through them? Is anything different this time, that is making you struggle a bit more? Our members are really great and supportive and we're happy to chat and support you with ideas to help you get through, or just to listen if you want to talk.

It is easy to feel bad, and to apologise for being unwell, but as a friend used to remind me - I wouldn't feel bad if I had a broken arm, so I don't need to feel bad when I'm struggling with my mental health either. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Hope to hear more from you.

Katy

[Rhino1]

hello everybody I hope you are all well.

so this is my first post hope I do it right I am not so tech savvy.

I can really relate to what people are saying and going through on here. I have struggled with health anxiety and depression for years but the past 4 days have been hell. I have no job and no car and no friends no love life for 10 years and have struggled with addiction for 15 years.

at first it was just fun then things got heavy with no job and all and free time with nothing to do it can be dangerous. I have been on a comedown for days and have realized I have nothing and so its like what's the point of it all anymore??

I just feel so numb I am sick of taking meds to try and help and I just sleep all the time I am stuck at home all the time because there is no money to do anything and no one will hire me for a job and I work hard but no one wants to give me a go. I struggle more because I have illness from my poor lifestyle.

I just want to love and be loved I feel like life has passed me already and I am only 31.

I dont have a modern phone and dont act like other people my age in fact I am very old fashioned in my ways that sometimes I feel like a cave man living under a rock for decades.

I put myself out there but no girl wants me i am so lonely.

I used to go to the gym and was getting fit but covid19 ruined all that.

I notice my brain hasn't been working right lately like I cant make decisions because I dont care anymore.

I am in and out of the doctors and hospital and I can tell because I am a poor lower class person that they dont give a damn about me it seems people like me are expendable because where not rich or famous. some of these doctors are so rude and dont care at all.

money would fix most of these problems but there is none so I just sit and rot away inside watching the same shows on re-run.

its funny I have thanatophobia ( a constant fear of death) yet I think about suicide a lot? but I dont have the courage to go through with it.

I feel like lashing out with violence lately for no good reason but I no that's not me so why do I have these urges?

sorry to ramble on and thank you for listening folks it has been helpful to read other peoples stories of struggle I hope you all find help and get better .

[Sophie_M]

Hey Rhino1, welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage. 
We are so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time, especially the last four day. We understand that you been struggling for a long time and don’t feel that you get the support and care you need.
Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 
You can also get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) for support around the suicidal thoughts. 
MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health issues and could help you with the urges of wanting to “lash out” which sound distressing . You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ 
We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Tangney]

Hello Rhino1, I relate to much of what you say. I am an older person in my 50s and have been unable to get any work due to Covid, even after a whole lifetime of employment, so don't feel like it's only you they don't want. Unfortunately, this Covid situation has been terrible for people who were already at some sort of disadvantage before all this started. I, too, have lost my bootcamp that I enjoyed because of Covid. Even when restrictions were lifted, it didn't resume as they lost funding. It was a free exercise group that I enjoyed, funded by the council. It's no more, even though it was funded on the basis of "public health", something that hear ironically hear so much concern about these days. I completely understand that lack of money can mean lack of access to activities. I know it's hard, but try to find free things to do. There are a lot of things out there that are free to participate in, for example, through public libraries, which sponsor lots of different kinds of events. I hope all on this thread are ok.

[Guest_4643]

Hey mogg123, welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything we can do?

[Rhino1]

thank you for the support Tangney it really helps me to find out other people are struggling as well.

Its good to no we are not alone with what we are dealing with.