Reaching out for help

[Aminta]

Hi guys. I'm new here but have been battling mental illness for over 10 years now. I'm having an especially hard time recently and don't think I can do it on my own so I thought maybe an online forum would be a good way to help get back on track, back to 'stable'. Discussing these demons with others who are or have gone through similar things... After I post this I'll look at some other peoples posts and try to help where I can.

There's not nearly enough room to post a brief history and where I'm at currently 😞 I keep running out on characters. Hopefully after posting this it will let me edit or comment... So on to reading other peoples posts.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Aminta

Firstly let me extend a very warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.  I say warm, cause it's pretty damn chilly where I am at the moment.  He says as he writes this wearing his beanie.  🙂

Can I just say WOW to you;   you've come on and are obviously in bad shape due to your mental illness, but you've mentioned that you'll be out there and happening and taking on other people's posts and responding.

I stand up and say 'WAY TO GO AMINTA".  That is so brilliant.  🙂

But I would (and others would) like to hear a little bit more of your background.  Don't be frightened off by the 2,500 character thingy - they just try to put a cap on things so people don't ramble on forever - actually I think it was designed mostly to stop a certain Beyond Blue poster (um, not mentioning any names here, but it's highly likely was ME)  🙂  🙂

Just type up and let fly.  I can try and assist.

10 years now.   Are you on meds?   Do you have a regular psyche that you see or even visits to your GP?   Any other support mechanisms that you have in place?

Do you work?    Are your family aware of your illness and if so, are they supportive?   This can be a very mixed response.   As you quite possibly know, that the stigma with depression is still very real and a lot of people just don't get it.

Aminta, look I'll send this off now and do hope to hear back from you.

kind regards

Neil

[bug30]

Hi Aminta,

Welcome to Beyond Blue!! I hope you are feeling well, it took me a long time to admit i had depression let alone open up to anyone about it!! I finally took the leap today and went to my doctor about it & have been diagnosed with moderate depression .

I have opened up to a few close friends about it & have resorted to these forums for help, and believe sometimes strangers offer the best advice. They know nothing about you & cant judge you  by your past actions.

Always up for a chat if you need.

x

[Aminta]

Aww thanks for the warm welcome and kind words Neil and bug 🙂 I'm having a good day today but am tired. I guess since I've lived with this so long I have experience so it's not hard for me to want to offer support to others.

Ok so here goes trying to squash my background into the character limit. I'm female, 25, only child. My parents broke up when I was 9 and my Mum became an alcoholic, drinking to excess every day. She started dating men no good for her and often neglected me to spend time with them. It really disrupted my childhood and I missed most of grades 6 to 10, losing my best friend in the process. I don't remember what I thought about it at the time but remember feeling angry, constantly anxious, un-loved. I learned negative thinking habbits from an early age. If the one person ment to love me didn't how could I love myself.  At 15 I started going out and dating just to get away from being at home. I moved in with the first guy that said he loved me and it was an mentally, sometimes physically abusive relationship that lasted 7 years. When I was 20 my Dad fell ill with emphysema and I watched his health quickly deteriorate. He wasn't just my Dad he was my best friend. He died when I was 22 and not long after I left the relationship I was in. Since then I've come a long way in life but only just recently fully realising I don't just need to think positively, I need to love myself and WANT to help myself.

Clinical diagnosis of depression at age 14, changing to bipolar at 17 (which I think was incorrect as I never really experienced the highs) and then changing to complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety as of about 2 years ago. With meds imo it seems after being on one for 2-3 years its effective fades or the body adjusts. Over the years I've been on several. I don't have many friends and keep to myself but have been in an online relationship since January and he's amazing. I almost pushed him too far recently while feeling overwhelmed and that got me thinking that I really need to kick this evil disease and not only that, actually learn how to love myself and self-growth. It's going to be a slow process but it's better then digging the hole deeper!

@bug: Thanks and that's great 🙂 I'd like to hear more about you.

[Aminta]

Just a little more room would have been good.

@bug: Taking the first step to admit it and seek help from both a doctor and friends and family is important. That's great that you did :). How did it go at the doctor? Don't be scared to go see them again, it's what they're there for. If they're not helpful, find a doctor that is. If a med dosen't work, try others until you find one that does. Welcome to Beyond Blue as well 🙂 Keep us updated on your progress.

@Neil: I didn't get to answer all your questions. Yes I'm studying part time, cert 2 in Animal Studies and looking for work. I like your avatar by the way 😉 I see by your number of posts that you've been here a while. That's awesome that you care about helping others. I wonder what your story is. Can you tell me or have a link to some of your posts?

Ooh I didn't mention sleep. I have nightmares every night. It doesn't scare me anymore it just means I don't get quality sleep and need more then most people plus I fatigue easily during the day. Non the less I would like to finish study and work full time. Yeah there is a stigma with depression but I think places like this are great even just to remind people 'hey, I'm not the only one feeling this way. I don't have to do it alone'.

[Aminta]

Great *grumbles*. ^ So the part I wrote secondary just got posted before the part I wrote first. Now I'm gonna look like a spammer with three in a row. Sorry for the confusion guys. So what is above should have been after what is coming/waiting on approval.

[Neil_1]

Hey there Aminta;

No worries about spammer - we love all sorts here.  🙂

Yes, that's our puppy on my profile pic.  Jack our dog - although no longer a puppy, he's 9yo - but so much a part of our family.

Thanx so much for providing your responses back as well.

That's great that you're in mid-study mode for cert 2 in animal studies - me thinks you're one very clever cookie - cause from what i know about that, you have to be pretty smart to undertake such a course.  So mega kudos to you Aminta and I hope you can find your niche in that field as well.

so from what I'm gathering, you're currently on some form of meds - are you in any ongoing relationships with your GP or psyches?  ie:  appointments happening at this time?

I love your attitude to the fight that you're going to put up towards this mental illness - very refreshing to read.

Yes, I've been around here for a little while - and there's a few others who are fairly regular posters as well.  We're all fighting our own demons, and I find it kind of therapeutic in a fashion, if I can reach out and give back to others - providing some of my experiences, knowledge and just providing support.

I'll have to check out where my posts are about my background so you can check it out.  They'll be somewhere on this site of Depression.  But in a nutshell (as I've got characters left), I had a dog bite my lip when I wasn't quite 2yo - and just took a chunk out - many operations later, I suffer from that to a degree.  I don't look as hideous as what you might think - the docs did a great job - but it's still there for me everyday.

My closest brother died in a drowning accident years ago and I was with him and unable to save him - I made the wrong choices - and I'm paying for it every day since.

I lost my Dad (we were super close) in 2007 to leukemia and that's affected me massively.

And at the time of writing, my mum who's been battling with bone cancer for the last 5 years, has only just found out from her doctors that she hasn't got that much longer to live.  This is only a new arrow in my quiver of depression factors - but it's fast coming up on me in a big way.

Again, great to get to know you and I look forward to sharing more posts with you and also to read your posts to others around the traps.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Aminta, I'm so pleased that you have posted your comment, sometimes it's not easy to do so, and yes we try and help ourselves and get over all the trauma without any help, but it's really impossible we can't do it, we have to be able to relate our own situation with those that have suffered the same with their depression, then we realise that we are no different and need help.

There are many issues that contribute and will build up and add to our depression, and these can be all personal, but that doesn't matter one iota, because depression is depression, and your situation is no different to how all of us have been through, that's why we want to help you.

Bug and Neil have expressed their own feelings, but as Neil has replied to over 2000 replies or posts I know that he has been through a terrible time, but he still believes that by replying to others is a great contribution to help them, and he is right, because his replies have helped so any people, even though he has a constant pain in his heart which will linger for such a long time, as for Bug it's great that h/she has come on board, so there must be so much that they want to tell us, and this will come when it's time.

I am about to log off as my hours are different to what other people live and will explain later on, but please I hope that you keep replying back to us. Geoff.