"you have no friends, nobody loves you"

[MisterM]

"you have no friends, nobody loves you"

How does one not get affected and feel hurt where their own mother says this to them? 

My mum just said this to me after an argument. 

[pipsy]

Hi MisterM.  Sorry to have to say this, but NPD again rears it's ugly head.  If she does have this condition, the situation is not going to change until she faces/admits to it.  NPD's seldom (if ever) admit to any past actions.  It's never 'their' fault.  I think the violence stems from not being able to 'control' the situation.  Have you tried approaching a G.P for help in applying for financial aid from Centrelink.  Does her/your G.P understand the stress you're forced to live with?  If you could get a temporary sickness pension or job search allowance, you would then be eligible for assistance in finding somewhere to live.  I know how hard it is for you, but don't make any decisions which could backfire.  I think you should talk to a G.P who knows your circumstances.  I know accommodation can be expensive, but help is available when you know where to go.  If none of the above appeals to you, BB has a 24 hour helpline, they may have some other suggestions.  Looking for employment is hard enough, with your present circumstances, it's hard to go through the interview process.  May I ask your age, you sound quite young.  My heart really goes out to you.

Please, keep in touch.

[MisterM]

Hi Pipsy,

I just read a webpage describing NPD, I don't believe this explains my mum.
I think she just has depression/anxiety, maybe even BPD.

Nah I haven't asked for financial aid.
I am avoiding applying for the dole as it makes me feel worse about myself.
I am living off my parents and my savings, but my savings won't last forever.
I have a house I bought four years ago which I haven't been able to move in. I have tenants which helps with the mortgage. This could affect if I am eligible for the dole.

I could have moved in with my friend and his partner a few times but I have heard many stories where friends have fallen out after living together. I don't want to risk losing my only friend. I can be a pain to live with I feel. Would also be unwise financially to pay rent and mortgage at the same time.
When my previous tenants moved out 2 months ago I tried hard to find work so I could move in but didn't happen and have had to lease the house again for 12 months.

Every job I have had has been pathetic in pay, despite being corporate it was poor pay.

I feel like a loser with the world against me.

I am soon to be 31.

[pipsy]

Hi MisterM.  Applying for the 'dole' is not the same as job search.  Don't ever think of yourself as a loser.  Whatever the problem with your mum, bottom line, she is the only one who can change herself.  You have to concentrate on you.  I agree moving in with friends is not always the answer.  With job search, Centrelink will help you find something better suited to whatever skills you have.  If you're unskilled, job search may be able to point you toward something that will help you.  While you're in your present situation, it's hard to think clearly about your future.  Have you ever heard of 'man shed'.  It is something that will get you out of the house 2 to 3 times a week for as long as you like.  You won't get certificates as such, but you may learn something that may enable you in the long run.  This will also help you with job search.  You'll have to pay an initial fee with 'man shed'.  This is yearly.  My husband joined 3 months ago after retiring.  Any age group is welcome, though.      

[JessF]

Hello MisterM, this might sound drastic, but I wonder whether it's worth considering selling your house? I don't know how much money is involved but maybe there's enough there for you to carve out a little to get you out of your current living situation and set up in your own place. I know I can't make your shame go away, but the unemployment benefit is there for when we fall on hard times, so I would use it. I have had to before. You know it's not going to be forever, and it will take so much stress off you.

[MisterM]

I have often thought of that idea.
I brought this upon myself by resigning (workplace issues left me with no other option).

[JessF]

I have had to do that before as well. It's quite frightening to make yourself unemployed, but I knew it was the right decision because my health was suffering in the job I was at and I needed to get out before I potentially ended up in hospital. Sometimes you have to take a few steps back in order to go forward again.

[Nickname_ABB6B7E0-9304-4C]

Easy if you've grown up your whole life not having any friends you just accept this is how things will be. Sure you get depressed sometimes, but it is not caring about the people around us and just focusing on the good things in our lives. That's what keeps us strong.

[Melissa1]

I believe that even though your mother said that 'you have no friends, and nobody loves you' just know that people say that because they think they have more power and there probably just jealous of things you have in life that they don't. Just know that there are people who do love you can that you do have friends. If you and your mother is having a hard time, i think i it will be best if you guys just take time apart and then do something that you and her can do together to become... a happy family. I might be young but i have helped many people in life. I hope you stay safe . Bye

[MisterM]

Thank you for your replies.