PND and anxiety

[fergrl]

Right now I feel pretty hopeless. 4 month old twins and PND and anxiety since about 4 weeks in getting worse over time. Right now I am struggling to see how I will ever feel like I didn't make a huge mistake in having children and to have a connection with them.

[CMF]

Hi fergrl and welcome,

Having one baby is tiring enough, let alone two. Have you spoken to your gp and are you getting support/help at home? You have your hands full and probably not getting much sleep which does not help.

You have come to a safe place to talk about what you are experiencing. Would you like to share more about how you feel, what your daily struggles are etc?

cmf

[fergrl]

Thanks CMF.

I have spoken with GP, am on antidepressants prescribed by a psychiatrist, have been to a mother baby unit for treatment but was sent home after a week as the babies became ill. So back on the waitlist. Have linked in with a psychologist but it's mainly been about waiting for the medication to work and talking about practical supports - which overwhelms me. As for support, my partner has left work and is pretty much doing everything. His mum was staying with us 24/7 for the last 2 weeks but she has now told us it is too much and she is going back to helping out a couple of days a week. Apart from that that is not really any other support apart from piecemeal people offering to make meals every now and then.
I feel low, anxious/scared, irritable, wanting to run away/disappear and never come back. Wanting to go back in time and change my mind about trying to hard to get pregnant. Not wanting anything to do with the babies, not feeling like I have any connection with them. Very resentful of the demands and not having my life as it was. My life as I know it and my identity are completely gone, life is now determined by blocks of 4 hour feed cycles - before the feed, after the feed. Very irritable when they cry or don't settle straight away. Overwhelmed, even by simple questions or simple tasks. Confused. Unable to make decisions.
Feeling like it is never going to get better and like I should/will walk out and be one of those mothers that abandons her family.

[Coffeebean]

I just wanted to let you know that I read through your post, and I can hear your distress and frustration in your words. I can't know what it's like to have twins. My two were 20 months apart. Yes, tiring and difficult, but a different kind of difficult to what you're going through.

I hope you get to the mother baby unit soon, just for that extra bit of support, and maybe soon you'll be up to joining a playgroup.

When i was home with a newborn and a toddler, my saviour was my double stroller. I bundled them up most mornings, and just walked. And walked. Are you managing to get out for fresh air?

CB

[Candombera]

Hi fergrl,

Thanks for sharing your story. I understand what you say because I've been through a similar situation myself.

I had post natal psychosis when my son was 4 months old, and when I went through that, as a consequence of the medications taken, I had depression too. I was in hospital 4 times. But I recovered!

At the moment it feels like there's no end to the pain, but I promise it will pass. I was also admitted in a baby mother unit twice and I got a great help there as it was full-on focused on recovery with group therapy, nurses, doctors and support 24/7.

In the meantime, while you wait for a spot you can try other hospitals too, if it gets too bad. I have found public hospitals have great Psychiatric units and care. My partner would come with the baby to visit for breastfeeding at least once a day and the rest of feeds would be formula.

Another good thing for me was joining a mothers group. Also, many suburbs have community/health centres with mental health services such as nurses, social workers where you can go and have a chat, or they even send you someone home.

There's nothing you can do abou the past, so focus on get yourself together in the present moment.

Please hang on in there. This will pass! Get all the help you need and tell us how you go. We're here for you.

All the best.