Pet trapped in cavity of building - depression relapse / unsure of how to process situation mentally/ emotionally.

[Mondegreen]

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over a decade ago. I tried medications, etc, and found over time learning to better understand my mental health has helped a lot and I've been doing markedly better. As with many people with depression, I found having animals helped me build a sense of purpose and self-worth. A reason to get out of bed; a reason to make sure I got home safe at the end of the day.

Long story short, two days ago, one of my pet ferrets, through total awful freak chances ended up breaking through the back of a cupboard, got into a cavity of our apartment complex and we have no way of getting her out. She is likely stuck somewhere which is why she hasn't returned. We have security cameras and know she went in there and didn't come back out.
We have tried everything recommended by the RSPCA, fire brigade, police rescue, etc. Even calling pest control to see if they could look in the walls for me, but they just dismissed me.

I've now got to come to terms with the fact that my beloved pet is likely dying in a hole within ten metres of me that I can not physically get to.
In the space of not even a day I feel like I've undone years of progress. I can't process the overwhelming feelings of grief and helplessness . There's nothing I can do. I just have to keep on existing while my pet dies. I'm mourning her, but she's still alive, and she's so close but I can't get to her.
What the hell am I supposed to do with myself while I'm helpless to the fact that the pet I love and care for like a child slowly dies, alone in the dark. I guess over time I've started to associate the wellbeing of my pets as a reflection of myself, and a sign that I'm doing something right, that I'm not useless.
This has been such a massive blow, in multiple regards, I can't even convey this in text. I've never had to deal with this sort of grief before, especially whilst in a severe depressive state. I don't know where to start processing this, I don't know how I'm going to move past what is happening right now. I can't switch off, I can't pretend this isn't happening. I can't distract myself.


How do I begin to process this mentally and emotionally? Can I?

[Quercus]

Hello Mondegreen,

Writing what a horrible situation is the understatement of the century. To be frank in your shoes I would feel like I was in hell. The idea of my child stuck like this and feeling helpless has made me feel sick.

I think my first instinct reading your post is what else can you try? Sometimes the worst feeling after an accident is the thoughts of what if. What if I had...

You have written you've tried everything. What else is there?

I thought your idea of pest control was a good idea. How many have ignored you? Are there others you can call? It might be good to get someone else to call for you as you're understandably upset.

Is your apartment complex willing to show you the building drawings? If you could locate potential openings would they permit you to cut into the walls if you wrote a contract about reimbursement? If so is that financially realistic?

Worst case scenario, is there an option to ask a vet or the RSPCA for anything you can drop into the cavity that will euthanise her quickly and humanely? Or will they organise this? It sounds awful and please report my post if this distresses you ok but if there is no hope of rescue perhaps this will allow you to feel you have done everything you could.

Also this is important too...How you are feeling is completely valid. There is a thread in the long term section by Moonstruck which follows her journey of losing a beloved pet. It might help you to see you are not remotely alone feeling so deeply distressed.

Do you have anyone offline who is supporting you through this? A check in with your medical team is essential but also please know the helplines are available at any time. Write here as often as it helps you too but these forums are not immediate ok. Doesn't mean we don't care though.

Have you considered whether moving out for a time is needed for your own saftey? I understand if you can't or don't want to though.

Please remember this is an accident. It is not your ability to care for anyone that is at fault. Feeling guilt and self doubt is normal for a responsible parent. Every time my kids have been in the ER I feel this. But it is not your fault even if it feels like it. Please be very kind to yourself right now and keep reaching out for help and support.

Nat