Parties and Bipolar - can we mix?

[JollyDown]

Dear everyone

I’m at home alone not only feeling sorry for myself, butnot knowing what to do with myself, with my AIAI (Anxiety, Irritability, and Agitation Index) steadily creeping up. The reason: my family have quite rightly gone to one of my good friend’s 50th birthday party. I just couldn’t get ready to get myself there.

There are/were multiple reasons for this, including social anxiety, fear regarding being able to NOT drink alcohol (this is a bunch of friends who drink a LOT, most of my friends do),and mental and physical exhaustion having just returned from a 4 night walking trek in Tassie. I did have a couple glasses every night in Tassie and this resulted in me feeling terrible both yesterday and today and hence felt even less like going to a “party” and even more desperate to avoid alcohol.

Im very interested to hear about other people’s experiences and coping mechanisms in these situations. I have managed several work Xmas parties (really have to go to those coz I’m the boss) but really have no interest in large group parties. Is it reasonable not to attend some of them? I love catching up in small groups but dislike extremely the large parties where you might barely get to speak to the guest of honour anyway.

Kind regards

JD

[quirkywords]

JollyDown,

thanks for your post.

I find very large parties like this ou to be very difficult rather than small groups If I have to go to a large party , K try to talk to people one on one .

Indont drink much or can drink nothing. When I was manic I love parties but would often drink way too much and ended up doing something outrageous or insulting people etc

I thought I wa sane lif elf the party but I wa sprobbaly the joke of the party.

I am think the trick is to want to go to the party and always have an exit plan if you feel too uncomfortable.

There is also a Theresa called This bipolar Life that you Ishtar Li,e to have a look at we are are friendly bunch.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi JollyDown,

Ah the 'joy' of our Aussie drinking culture. I totally agree being a non drinker at a gathering/party is hard work.

The logic is sound... Alcohol and meds do not mix. But mention that to a group of drinkers and I still get pressured. One won't hurt. What about half a glass? But we're making cocktails! What do you mean you don't drink? You used to! Don't you miss it?

And the worst part is how everyone stares! In a small group I'm ok but a bigger party with everyone staring is a nightmare. My anxiety goes through the roof.

It sounds awful but I am guilty of buying non alcoholic cider just to blend in. Or being the designated driver just to excuse myself.

To be totally honest though getting me to a party is very hard work. I hate crowds. People close to me know ask me to a small or informal party but don't bother with big parties because I won't go. If I'm forced to I always end up in the kitchen or outside.

That said I have one go to technique if I can't get out of a party... Choose to play photographer. Granted it kind of sucks and is an exhausting performance but it keeps me occupied and not panicking.

Before this I'd pretty much just disappear to avoid the crowd or be so uptight and stressed friends would keep asking what was wrong and I'd stress more about them thinking I was rude or bored or similar. Playing photographer forces me to mingle (so people stop asking if I'm alright).

At the end of the day we're all different. Good friends will understand and accept your absence especially if you make an effort to catch up with them in a smaller group around the same time.

What's wrong with celebrating Christmas in a way you actually get to enjoy yourself?

Nat

[quirkywords]

Jollydown

I want to apologise for my many typos. I was writing late at night during heavy rain and I did proof read it but not too well.

Quercus has written a. very detailed and helpful post .

Take care

Quirky

[JollyDown]

Thanks so much. That’s very helpful. It’s looking like I’m not alone with this particular difficulty.

very warm regards

Jodie

[JollyDown]

Dear Nat

Extremely helpful reply thanks so much. It really describes me! I used to drink pretty much everyday until middle of this year - I was only diagnosed with Bipolar a few months ago. A very late diagnosis at age 52! So I have been a very heavy drinker for many years. It is EXTREMELY challenging for me to not drink using my own willpower so when people pressure me to drink it makes me angry.

Your “tricks” of buying non-alcoholic cider or being designated driver are clever and sensible. I have certainly been doing the designated driver thing a lot.

The good news is I feel a lot better today, having had a peaceful evening, no alcohol, a healthy smoothy or 2 and plenty of sleep!! (Lack of sleep is yet another downside of big parties)

Thanks again

Warmest regards

Jodie