Over analysing, over thinking

[white knight]

I'm happy to claim my depression has taken a holiday. Well I forced it to, it had no choice. Sometimes things in life need a heavy hand or out witting them. Coming up with strategies might need your own ideas as our depression is very individual. There can be some similarities however- let's explore some.

If you over think issues, possibilities then you might have too much free time on your hands. When I have a project (like building our caravan) that takes calculations and focus...I'm rarely dwelling on family issues or the local narcissist person in town.

Distraction does work, seriously work! I used to have a large jigsaw in a spare room. Each time I dwelled on a toxic family member I'd retreat and do a dozen pieces. It worked.

The saying "get a life" can be interpreted in a nasty way but as with all things in life I focus on the facts and benefits...get a life is sort of true...a sport, a hobby, a second job..its the best way to minimalise the effects some people have on us, so we can move forward from mayhem.

Another saying - "dont sweat the small stuff". CEO's or owners of large companies leave the small stuff to people down the line. Federal politicians dont involve themselves with planning permits for houses, that's done by local Govt. Hence work towards filtering issues in your life to find peace away from small issues.

Eg inlaws. My first marriage resulted in a few toxic inlaws that, for no clear motive, caused havic in the family. I decided, after several attempts to offer peace that "I married my wife, not her family". This new attitude resulted in my peace of mind. Those few inlaws no longer have the "feed" they needed to continue with undue criticism. As time went by they had no issues to satisfy their jealousy (which was the real issue).

There is a significant percentage of narcissistic people in our world. I'd guess around 10-20%. That's a lot. You have little choice but to withdraw and minimalise your head space of them.

These actions and distractions away from negative influences might result in some level of isolation. It will feel that you are building a wall of safety...well that's exactly what it is.

And only allow the qualified to enter. That's your right. There is no obligation to entertain the nasty, just love the caring...

TonyWK

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony,

Welcome back! Thanks for an insightful thread. Distraction certainly can help immensely!

I find Sudoku puzzles work well for me as I can not concentrate on one of those and my issues at the same time.

While doing a jigsaw puzzle I usually have some quiet music on in the background as well so my mind is not tempted to wander down the negativity path!

Having a project is certainly beneficial. For me this year that has been crocheting. I think everyone in the family received a blanket from me for a birthday present this year! Ha. Ha.

Even being able to achieve something small can be beneficial.

Painting is another activity I enjoy. No one has to see what I have painted, it is for my pleasure.

Cheers to you Tony and to all, from Dools

[white knight]

Hi Dools. Well done.

My wife does Suduku regularly and she immerses herself fully in figuring them out. She also taught herself crocheting.

Now she is making curtains for the caravan Im building.

During this van build I have thought about my estranged daughter. But, I havent dwelling on her.

Thats the difference between being distracted and boredom.

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello and a big warm welcome back Dear Tony,

Oh Mrs Dools....Sudoku....I can’t work it out....as hard as I try, Nope..but I like online colouring in, haha, I magically stay in the lines with online colouring, also Jigsaws..oh and a new thing called diamond painting.....You get a picture and lots of teeny tiny plastic jewels that I stick on the numbered square...it’s fun..but hard at times..

Grandy..

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

Really great to have you back! Another great thread topic to boot!

Just with my own depression and anxiety it's taken me 35 years to understand that when we are over-sensitised (through ongoing stress or life events) it really opens the door for overthinking

Having a 'tired' mind does result in overthinking for sure. As you mentioned its how we address the problem at hand

my kind thoughts 💭

Paul

[white knight]

hi Grandy great to be back.

I'm good at maths but find Suduku hard. Lol. My wife is poor at maths and finds Suduku easy.

My wife also does "paint by numbers".

hi BLondeguy Paul

My psych in 2003 told me we need 8.5 hours of sleep as a minimum. The ramifications of having less is poor mood and worse depression.

Your are right Paul, lifes struggles are hard to endure. Family issues, financial, emotional, childhood events and employment all take their toll.

TonyWK

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony and All,

Yesterday I had a phone call from the employment agency that I allowed to upset me greatly! At present I am on a 3 month medical exemption due to my depression. The lady wanted me to return earlier.

A huge part of my not coping well this year has been the pressure I have felt from the employment agency, wanting me to get into aged care when my body just can not manage that kind of work.

My mind was going to dark places and over thinking what will occur next! I realised what was happening and told myself I don't need to make this into such a huge issue!

Through accessing why I felt so strongly about the issue, then using distraction, I was able to move on.

I need to learn to deal with the issues before they become unsurmountable!

Cheers from Dools

Anyway, I started to stew over the phone call, it brought back a lot of horrid memories!

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm glad to see you back Tony & even more pleased you have your depression under control. I'm a bit overwhelmed with competing demands so I'm not very active on BB ATM. I'm trying to find some balance between everything.

I am guilty of over thinking and over analysing. Knowing I need to stop doesn't seem to help me stop!!!

I also wish Dools, Grandy & Paul all the best. i often think of you even though I'm not posting much

[quirkywords]

Welcome back Tony,

This threads title is the story of my life!

Mrs Dools you have a great ability to gain into insight into your behaviour and your dark places.

Sometimes we can be become so foucsed on our problems and so busy overthinking that we lose touch with reality.

I let a comment by one of my adult children nearly derail my hard work to stay well for many years.

Nat has mentioned a thread by Dr Kim about Taking things the wrong way and this is what happened to me.

I took a comment to be mean and offensive but it was probably not meant like that.

I think stopping that overthinking train before he becomes a wreck is the key.

What is upsetting how much hard work it takes to maintain one's mental health being but how something so insignificant can bring it all undone.

I am now being vigilant to be aware so my overthinking does not cause me stress and other problems.

Elizabeth, good to know you are reading. I hope you are ok.

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Dools

A technique of thinking that helped me years ago.-

When not very financially comfortable I received the odd unexpected bill. That would upset me. So I developed the idea of expecting two surprise bills per month and put aside $200 for them.

It worked, reason being the surprise of them no longer mattered as the money was there.

Same with our Centrelink. Expect a pushy non understanding employee to ring/write and push you into work. Go through the processes of explaining, Dr's letters etc. Essentially "play the game". It isnt easy but expecting such treatment reduces burden.

Hi Elizabeth CP, nice to hear from you. I have known your life has its extra challenges. It doesnt matter if you dont post. Thats what makes this forum great...the comfort zone.

Its easy for some to say "I dont worry about that" but they have more control over their mind.

Thats why distraction usually works. Distraction is forcing our vulnerable mind away from controversial places.

Hi Quirky

"taking things the wrong way".

I had a brother in law. 20 years ago, it seemed I complained a lot to people about my anxiety. Eventually he said "well I think its about time you carried your own cross"

It hurt and I dwelled on it. At the time I needed support not comments like that. It emotionally hurt. Some days later, still dwelling, I took another look at that comment. Maybe I wasnt carrying my pain well enough, maybe I was airing it to friends too often and smothering my friendships? Maybe he is right?

This fellow has severe arthritis and has had many joints replaced. Yet he never complained.

We can and often do react emotionally towards comments. We need to think rationally rather than emotionally. Reacting in the latter is our natural way, swimming against the tide isnt easy.

TonyWK