Oh so tired

[bman42]

Hi all.Just decided to join this forum as I have no one to talk to and just needed somewhere to rant where people might understand.

I am in my 40's and have had SA all my adult life and also in and out depression a lot of that time,i have never seen anyone about it as I am still physically able to work and survive and have been brought up to not to complain and every time I think about getting treatment I think to myself i'm just being weak and to suck it up and get on with it.

I managed to have a relationship for 5 years but my condition eventually destroyed that.I have never told anyone about my condition,even my ex.I'm too embarassed to tell anyone.Anyway that was 18 months ago,we are selling the house we bought soon and I have no idea where to go or what to do.I am so sick and tired of starting again and having no direction in my life,would have thought that being in 40's I would have some direction and stability in my life.I really cant decide what to do and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when I shouldn't as I know there is a lot of other people out there that are worse of than me.I have very little motivation in doing anything even cooking dinner at night is a struggle and I really don't know what makes me happy anymore....Just so tired of living this lonely,boring,meaningless life.I am not thinking of suicide but struggling to find some meaning in my life

Well thankyou for letting me let of steam and am VERY sorry for my poor grammar!!!

[S_A_D_]

I am deducing from context that SA refers to social anxiety. I have this as well, and it's mostly caused by the stigma associated with failure. I have since learned that the only path to success is through failure, which makes failure a lot less scary. Even the people who seem to get everything right first crack have failed before, which may have been in private, and probably a lot more than once or twice.

There are not some people who fail more often than others. This is another myth. There are people who are taught how to do things effectively by good teachers, and there are people who had no teacher or crap teachers. My teachers, when it came to learning how to behave in social situations, knew less then than I know now, and that's really saying something. There are no bad students, only bad teachers, and those teachers are bad because they had bad teachers. No one is really at fault here.

If you want to overcome your social anxiety, find a good teacher and learn from them. Be patient. Learning takes time. Eventually, if your teacher is good, you'll have friends begging to hang out with you, and fighting them off with a 10 foot pole.

A good place to start is with a psychologist. This is one of our areas of speciality. There is no shame in looking for a teacher, and in many ways that is what a psychologist does most of the time. They are also trained to be a good friend, which you sound like you need.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear bman,

Thanks for getting it together and posting.  Welcome to Beyondblue.   Maybe not getting help so as not to appear weak is a common thing with depression.  Not telling friends.  Family a big no-no.  Boy, that kind of puts all the emphasis back on you.

Sometimes a big leap of faith is better than hiding in the corner.   Unfortunately depression can come back and wreck even the most well planned lifestyle.   If you had some counselling you might be able to get on top of things BEFORE this happens or at least identify the triggers.   It's really up to you.  I guess moving on with relationships, houses, plans is a bit self defeating if you are also taking an unresolved and unspoken condition like depression with you.

My understanding of your post is that you haven't looked for help and even in this post you are apologising for grammar !   I mean, why feel so lacking in confidence ?  A site like Beyondblue doesn't give a monkeys about grammar, just that you feel comfortable to respond or ask questions.     Why not go the extra distance and sort out some kind of professional help ?  A GP can orgnanise 10 visits to a psychologist or counsellor FOR FREE !  Just ask for a Mental Health Plan, tick the boxes and give your life "some meaning".

A partner of 5 yrs probably deserves a bit more honesty.  Who knows ?  That person might have been suffering depression too ?   I mean, the most important thing in a relationship has got to be communication. And donuts.

Adios, David.

[bman42]

Thankyou David and Facetious for your responses. You are both right and its time I sucked it up and did something about it. On my good days I wonder if I actually do need help but the bad days are becoming more frequent

Just a bit worried that when I go to a gp I wont be able to get out all the feelings and thoughts that race through my mind constantly. Every time I do try to explain my thoughts or feelings it comes out as a jumbled mess or my mind just goes blank and I start to get embarrassed and just shut down,it happens all the time in a social setting

Anyway thanks again guys as I really do need to do this as I seem to be getting depressed more often lately

p.s- I couldn't tell my ex partner as she had a bit of a submissive personality and expected me to be the rock and make all of the decisions which became very tiring in the end but yeah maybe I should have been a bit more honest in that way

[S_A_D_]

transfer this to a word processor and print it out. When you see your GP, show them this first, and he will know to go slow, keep you calm, be patient with you, etc.

Your second paragraph above:

 Just a bit worried that when I go to a GP I wont be able to get out all the feelings and thoughts that race through my mind constantly. Every time I do try to explain my thoughts or feelings it comes out as a jumbled mess or my mind just goes blank and I start to get embarrassed and just shut down, it happens all the time in a social setting

Every time I go to see my GP or Psychologist, I am prepared. Sometimes I've got a stack of papers to refer to, and copies to leave with him for his reference, long term records, consultations between doctors, etc. It can be hard being a doctor. As a patient I try to make it as easy for them as possible to help me.

Help them help us.

[bman42]

Thanks for the advice Facetious

I will keep this in mind when I see my GP tomorrow but I don't have a printer so will just explain this to them straight up

Thanks again,your help has been the boost I needed to take that 1st step

[geoff]

dear Bman42, OK some days are good and some are terrible, it's the latter that you have to concentrate on, because these days will become more frequent, and that's what you have to worry about.

What you should try and do is to sit down and write down all these thoughts that are concerning yourself, and this may take a few days to achieve this, so when you go and see your doctor all you have to do is hand these documents over to them.

They will quickly scale through your notes and then come to a conclusion, and it won't take them long to diagnose your illness, and then proceed from there.

You could also print out comments made by us, plus the postings that you have made.

It's a good idea to tell your partner if you are suffering from depression, otherwise they wonder why your personality has suddenly changed, and maybe think of another cause. Geoff.

[bman42]

Well just been to see my GP and she was so nice and kept thanking me for coming in! Pity she is leaving there soon as I felt so comfortable with her. Anyway she put me on the mental health plan so now its just up to me to ring the psychologist

Thankyou ALL for your help and support as I probably wouldn't have done this otherwise. Hopefully this is the start to a better life,fingers crossed.

[S_A_D_]

I am one of the many contributors here to the Beyond Blue forums, and this arena is not designed exclusively for the exchange of advice. This is a support network for people with mental illness to come together and help each other for the long term. One of my goals here is to help people gain the confidence to do as you have done and talk to their GP about mental health, but it doesn't end there. This is about long term support. If your willing to continue discussing these issues with us, we will be here helping each other, hopefully forever.

It does not surprise me that you don't own a printer. Most people don't. I don't. Before I became a university student, with printers in the campus library to use, I would go to public libraries and internet cafes to print out documents I had prepared on my computer earlier, and copied over to a USB thumb drive. I can take as little as 2 minutes to log on, print, and log off, so any charges associated with using the computer are drastically minimised, and if you don't need to look at it one last time before printing some internet cafes will only charge for the paper, usually 20 cents per page. Getting time on a computer in a public library is usually free, with the same rate of charge for printed pages. If you use a small enough font, like 8pt, and refrain from using big headings, you can fit a lot of words onto a single page of text which will help your GP and psychologist help you.

[mandyjk]

Hi. Crossing your fingers has nothing to do with anything. you have made the first step and you will do fine. You have just begun the journey to your better life. congratulations bman42.