Not sure

[Anit]

Things have been getting worse and no matter what I try to do, I can't seem to find a solution. I have always told myself sadness is mind over matter, and that got me through things until now. I thought I was OK and thought I had dealt with the things that are getting me down, but lately I can't seem to think about things without falling apart. I have felt very sad sometimes throughout life, when things have happened, but I was OK, life went on, I just continued. But I've never felt like this before and its starting to worry me, because also sometimes I dont seem to care or feel about things either, and that just doesn't seem to be the person I think I am or was. I only think its depression now, because I took the online test. Im not sure if it is, or I'm just experiencing really different, overwhelming and sad feelings... Im not sure about how this works, as I honestly didn't read all the information properly. I was just hoping someone could tell me what I should be trying to do next. I dont think I could talk about things to people, cause I dont like doing that. I dis some online reading, but I don't want to speak to a GP or tell my family and friends how I feel. I know I'm not feeling sorry for myself, cause that's also not me and I have never asked for help before. I sort of want to just delete this message and figure it out, but I have been trying to do that, and I can't get ahead. I know I need to send this message, cause maybe I do need some help and I don't know. I really wouldn't be here if I hadn't tried to sort myself out. I am sorry if this is not the right place to be writing this, I know there's a lot of people that definitely need the help. I was just really hoping I could speak to someone online about how I feel and if someone can tell me if I am depressed or its something else. I also had like two out of the ordinary emotional outbursts last week and I can't understand that either...Thank you for your time to read my message. I hope to hear from you soon.

[geoff]

hi Anit, well done for posting your comment and can I welcome you to the site.

Depression is where you feel sad from the toe up till your head, it makes you feel helpless, have no confidence, low self esteem and it takes over your thoughts, feelings, emotions, makes you tired with no joy at all.

Even your title 'Not Sure' creates the strong possibility that you are depressed and it's reinforced by not caring or able to feel about what's going on and scared to open up to your friends as well as your doctor.

Yes there are people who definitely need the help from their doctor, friends, and family, but this doesn't exclude you, because you can't keep all of this to yourself, if you do, then it's going to get worse, so we have to help you realise that you can't withhold this doubt you have.

Firstly browse through the sections above, secondly write down what is concerning you, any negative thoughts, the questions which you can't answer and this includes your worries, then realise that all you have to do is hand this over to your doctor, then you will be diagnosed and appropriate action taken.

Can you please reply back to us so we can try and help you further. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Anit,

I too welcome you to the forum and the community here. Please don't be concerned about how you have written down your thoughts and feelings. Everyone expresses themselves differently, you did very well to explain what is going on for you.

Depression can affect everyone differently. It would be good if you could go and see your GP about how you are feeling, they will have a lot of ideas and be able to tap you into resources and information. If you don't feel able to verbally tell the GP how you are feeling, write something down and hand it to them.

Like Geoff mentioned, there are a lot of resources on this site for you to access. I have also borrowed books on depression and other mental health issues from libraries.

Understanding and learning that our minds get carried away with themselves and can fill our heads with negativeness helps me. I can tell myself that I don't need to listen to all of those negative thoughts. I can change the tune so to speak.

Early one morning my mind was filling up with all kinds of rubbish. Part of me was entertaining those thoughts so the negativeness continued. Then I had enough. I started to say to myself "Breathe in. Breathe out" During that process I couldn't concentrate on the negative and I fell back to sleep.

I'm not saying this works every time or that depression is that easy to get over! Trying to change my thoughts helps me. Even if I don't succeed at least I understand what is happening.

Keep asking questions, look for answers and please know you are more than welcome here to share how you are feeling.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Anit]

Thanks for the replies Geoff and Dools. I did read some info on here last night. I don't have a regular gp anymore since I moved and I haven't found another yet. I understand what you guys are saying and I do feel I need some sort of help, especially after today, but there's just so many different situations right now, I just don't have the options of what you suggested. I really didn't know what was happening to me when I messaged the first time, and I still don't, it all just came out in a babbling mess, probably like now. I feel silly for writing back since you gave me the advice and information I need to help myself. But everytime I had that overwhelming nothing feeling today, I made myself read your replies. They made me think and feel something different for a bit, and writing to you now is feeling OK. My partner knows I feel lost and overwhelmed, but we haven't communicated for a while now, so he is unaware of how I really feel. I did decide I would tell my partner today how I really felt, but before I could, he had his own news to tell me, so then I couldn't. I couldn't change anything today and now have a lot more problems on my plate. Today was a long day of not being able to find anything in myself but the nothing and the overwhelming thoughts I can't sort out anymore. I know I have to try more, but this was a helpful start, thank you...

[Doolhof]

Dear Anit,

Please do not feel silly for writing back! Think of it as helping yourself. I have read a few self help books, been to psychologist and psychiatrists, I know "stuff" but I still have horrible mental health days. They happen. There are days when I know strategies that will help me but I have trouble implementing them.

It can be difficult finding a new GP. Hope you manage to get that sorted when possible.

You mentioned you feel like you have multiple issues right now and they seem to be crowding your problems are too much to handle.

Think of it like trying to hold a dozen eggs in your hands! Sooner or later something is going to happen to at least one of those eggs. You can't walk around all day trying to keep them all safe.

Same with our problems. Maybe write down everything that is bothering you right now. Then consider one issue and how you might be able to deal with that. Consider all options, even obscure or funny ones if any come up!

Breaking down the problem helps me to deal with them.

Another part to this equation is to write down three good things as well, three things you are thankful for. That way your mind does not stay in the negative, you are bale to recognise something nice, beneficial, positive as well.

Some days it is really hard to put any actions into effect. Just thinking about what you would like to do differently is a help.

Someone said that "every journey begins with one step", so does helping ourselves with mental health issues.

We all travel this journey differently. Believe me, I have some really horrid days too, some days I just need to look after myself and tell myself that tomorrow I can work on making my life different.

I don't do short answers Anit! I hope some of what I have written helps you. One day at a time. One step at a time. You are always welcome here too!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Anit]

Thanks again Dool. I will try this and see if it helps...I hope you are having a good day today.

[Doolhof]

Hi Anit,

Thanks, I am having a good day today. I awoke with some negative thoughts running around in my head, so I wrote them all down. Once they were out of my head, it was like I could forget them!

I then went for a walk and tried to take in everything that was around me. I live in the country so looked around to see how many different types of birds I could see and hear. I saw a couple of rabbits well, they always make me laugh as I watch them hopping about the place.

I have a few things planned for the day and have a Church service to attend tonight for Shrove Tuesday/Pancake Day. We always have a delicious feast of pancakes for supper and a chance to chat.

Hope your day goes well!

Cheers from Dools