Not able to speak

[GreenHeart]

So this can be both metaphorical and physical. Today it was physically - I'm finding it hard to speak when I'm low and nobody really understands it, and they can be really nasty about it. I don't know what to do in these situations, and I usually dissociate heavily when it's happening. This morning I was sitting with my friends and I couldn't even look them in the eyes - I was just so low I felt like I was suffocating. I think not being able to speak is mainly because I feel like I'm suffocating, and I've found ever since this feeling has emerged I've gained a fear of having my nose and/or mouth covered (because lack of breathing) even when snorkelling.
I don't know how to stop this feeling. It's been going on for so long I just expect it now, and it's as if my depression is getting worse. It's hard to explain, it's literally as if someone has their fist around my throat and I can't speak or will myself to. I can go hours or days without speaking, and this makes my friends and family upset/mad.
How do I explain this to them?
How do I stop this from happening?
Metaphorically not being able to speak involves me being too afraid to talk to people about certain things - but I guess everyone experiences this at some point or another, so it's not my biggest concern.

[Croix]

Dear Greenheart~

as I am young I am not able to get out of the toxic situations as easily

Just because one is young does not mean one cannot have dignity and boundaries. Can I suggest whenever anyone makes a disparaging remark you simply move calmly away? No tears or fuss, just remove yourself. Very quickly they will get the idea you do not appreciate what they are saying. While I suppose it will not stop some it may give the more caring ones pause.

It will do two other things, first you don't get to hear it all (and adopt it) and you will be conscious you are doing something and are not powerless.

Adopting the unkind criticism of others and starting to believe it is sadly something that happens a lot. I've no idea why. The only suggestions I have are long term, be happy wiht the things you do, have a sense of accomplishment, plus of course try to see toxic people as the small minded twerps they are.

Nat's idea of the web-chat lines is a pretty good one. As for if you progress to voice calls and do not wish to offend others see if you can get them to suggest it.

Croix

[Quercus]

Hi GreenHeart,

I'm glad you find the idea helpful. Croix is right the web chats are a good place to begin if privacy is a concern.

I tell my husband I am working through and organising my thoughts. I have told others my mind can be chaos and it helps me to call a helpline to waffle and figure out what is really bothering me. That way I can communicate with them clearly. They seem to accept that reasoning.

I hope you find privacy to phone. Many are 24/7 so you can ring at any time which might help. Also a good excuse... I didn't want to wake you but I needed to talk.

Nat

[GreenHeart]

Thankyou all for your kind responses and ideas, I will definitely give them a shot. It may take a while though - it is easier said than done. I appreciate this so much, thankyou!!!

-GreenHeart

[quirkywords]

Greenheart,

I am glad you have received so many supportive and helpful replies.

I can’t add much but would li,e to share from y own experience which is different in some way but the same in another.

I ha e bipolar and when I was manic I would talk non stop and have too much confidence but when I was depressed I hardly said a word. So people who had met me when high would keep asking me what was wrong as it was such a contrast,

. This made it worse and literally could not make a sound. I would cover my face or walk away and people would think I was rude.

Trying new ideas will take time and some may work and others not but it is great you are willing to try.

I wonder if there is ever a time when you feel low that you feel ok to talk to there. if so, why do you think that happens.

Thanks for being so honest and I am sure your comments will have helped people who are reading but not posting. I found your post helped me think about how I used to feel when I could not speak.

Quirky