None of my friends and family ask how I am going

[MisterM]

I feel so unworthy, like I don't matter, like noone cares.
None of my friends and family have asked how I am going with my depression.
I feel so alone. Anyone here have the same experience as me?

[MisterM]

Hi Birdy,
Thank you for responding.
That seminar was useful information to know, although not fun listening for hours on end is draining it can hopefully help in the future.
At least it distracted me for a bit.
The art classes help but when I am back home the loneliness and isolation comes back.
As per my previous post I felt a bit spaced out last night, like I was not there and a bit overwhelmed with new people. I feel like I've become some scared hermit.
My daily challenge to distract me is to draw which is my homework given by my art teacher, I feel guilty for not doing that. I had plans today to do that but my motivation has vanished because of my family reminding me how alone I am.
Right now, for starters, I want to move out of home but without a job that's hard plus I'm paying for art classes which I hope to give me purpose in life and to distract me from my own mind. My academic achievements mean nothing, I'm still the guy who seems that he will forever struggle to find work. They give me no joy. I don't even want to go to the graduation ceremony as I have noone to bring along, no girlfriend, no family that cares to come.
Thank you for being kind.
MM

[Seraphina6]

Hi MisterM

This is my first post! Aren’t you lucky? 😊 I’ve been reading your posts. I can see myself in a lot of what you wrote. I have bipolar II and am going through a particularly bad depressive phase. I lost my job in February. I have no close friends. Just my Mum who lives 3 doors up. My adult kids all live away, I don’t see them much. They don’t call much or ask me how I am. Deep down I know they care. I lost my husband to cancer 5 years ago. We were only married a year. He was the love of my life. I miss him so much. sometimes the loneliness is excruciating. So I understand

But yesterday I saw my psychiatrist and he put me on a new drug. (that’s the third) it’s worked already. My mood has lifted today, and I’m feeling better than I have in such a long time. Next step is a psychologist who turns out to be his wife. I’ve been looking for so long. So win win

All I need now is a job, I need a job to have something to my mind active and give me a purpose.
I recently posted on FB about my situation on the comments of an ABC article and a lady who read it was so touched she messaged me and now we have started chatting. She’s great.
I have to have a colonoscopy next month and need someone to take me to hospital and bring me home. I don’t have anyone that can do it, so was faced with cancelling.

I need to have it as it might show I have bowel cancer.
I decided it was drastic so I posted my dilemma on FB for help. Sure enough a friend who I hadn’t spoken to for a long time,who has young children etc, said she would do it, she works at the hospital. And a couple of other people offered as well. So I was surprised that people really do care.

Because like you I didn’t think anyone read my posts or cared what I said. But they do.

As for meeting people. I moved here in 2015, back to an area close to where I grew up but hadn’t kept in touch with anyone so had to start over. I joined a Meetup group. A group that meet most Saturday nights at different venues we have a drink and dinner and meet new people, it’s good. I haven’t been for a few months due to my depression and lack of funds. There’s so many different groups on the Meetup app, and there’s usually some in most areas. It could be a good start? Just an idea.

I can really empathise with what you are going through. It sucks and it’s damn hard. I am so glad I found this forum because now I know I’m not alone and neither are you! And we are both awesome people! 😊

Seraphina6

[MisterM]

Hi Seraphina6,

Thank you so much for responding.
I am sorry to hear about your situation with your bipolar, husband, employment, loneliness and bowel worry.
I had a colonoscopy last year, was scared it was something serious but turned out to be harmless. I have my fingers crossed for you.

I am glad you found help from people on FB and have found the right mental health professionals to help you.
I don't understand why hospitals don't allow patients to get a taxi home.
I've been fortunate to have my dad drive me when I needed. No idea who would drive me otherwise.

As for Meetup, a psychologist I used to see years ago kept trying to get me to try it but I just could not bring myself to do so and I still cannot. I've started art classes once a week and have met people there. I've only been twice but who knows where it could lead. I felt so weird amongst people, like I was a zombie spaced out and not all there.
I don't trust people, I've been let down before and bullied and used that it just makes me very guarded and very slow to warm to people. Other students at university I could tell got sick of me not making an effort and forgot about me I could sense. I don't care anyways, what is a 35 year old going to do hanging out with students in their early 20s who only care about drinking and partying.

I'm glad you've benefited from Meetup. It's great to see you taking positive steps and putting yourself out there which as you can see is more than I can say for myself.

I hope that I can get good at painting so I can find purpose in that. I am not sure the degree I just finished is something that I should stick with or give art a go or both. It sure does help having a routine. Right now I am a lost soul who cannot make up his mind with what he wants to do in life. I am so glad Centrelink have given me until new year to not have to apply for jobs. Dealing with that is stressful.

I was actually doing okay today until I read a comment someone made in reply to my comment on a FB music page. Some guy from another city said I look like a potato with a few expletives in there. All because I posted a comment saying a certain well known band is ripping off the sound and style of another famous band. That comment has left me feeling hurt. People on FB always make fun of the way I look and it gets me wondering if that is why I've never had a girlfriend before.

Anyways, thank you so much for your kind post.
I truly hope your colonoscopy reveals nothing serious.
MM.

[Seraphina6]

Hi MM

Thanks for your reply! I studied Fine Arts and Visual Culture at Uni for a few years. Because of life and stuff I couldn’t finish it. I love art and photography. It’s great you are doing the art class. I hope you continue. I originally wanted to be an art therapist and help people with mental illness. Now I’m going a different route and doing a Social Work degree.

It’s sad to hear about your experience on FB. You know that kind of thing has happened to me. I’m on a dating site and I have had some men say terrible things about the way I look and it hurt. But now with talking to others and counselling I just look at it like this.. that person could have something going on in their life.. they may have been treated badly, no one knows. That’s no excuse for their disrespect but everyone has a story and you just need to remember that you are a great person with so much to offer this world. I let it all wash over me now because I know that they don’t know me and they just want to hurt someone, doesn’t matter who it is. When social media starts having a negative impact on your mental health then it could be time to maybe reevaluate if you should perhaps take a time out for awhile and concentrate on something else? Play some online games? I do that to take my mind off things. I play one that has a chat attached I’m in an ‘alliance’ and they are fun people and it’s just a great getaway from when I’m feeling down.

Also I have a son who is 27.. he is bipolar. He has had quite a bad time of it. Lots of psychotic episodes. He was a loner through school, bullied . It was awful for him. At Uni he was ok but then he had his first psychotic episode and it all went downhill for a few years and he was in and out of hospitals. He never thought he would find anyone or feel better. Fast forward to now and he’s got his medication together, steady job, and a lovely partner of 2 years. So never give up.

Cheers

Seraphina.

[MisterM]

Hi Serephina6,

Thanks for replying.
I've been thinking if I should have done a fine arts degree instead of what I ended up studying.
A careers advisor and my art teacher actually suggested art therapist as a career. I am not sure I want to do that, nothing is pulling me towards that job. Plus I cannot afford the fees on my already big hecs debt.
I might just do honours next year and then see what happens.

I'll do art classes as long as I can afford it.
I thought about social work myself but not too sure what is involved in that job.

Sorry to hear that "men" and I use that term lightly for them treated you that way.
I hope the right guy comes into your life.
I deactivated my old account and this is a new account and still I get abuse. I'll have to try my best to refrain from commenting on public posts. I try but I struggle to refrain.

Awesome to hear that your son has found happiness in his life.
Yeah I was bullied at school too and in every job I've had since school. It really dents your self esteem.
I just can't see where I'll meet a woman. I don't like dating apps/sites. I don't go out much.

Thanks.
MM.

[blondguy]

Hey MisterM

Im a latecomer on your thread...forgive me MM. We have spoken before on other threads and its always a bonus to have you on the forums no matter where you post!

I know you don't feel 'over the moon' with your achievement in getting your degree...I do though...and well done!

To answer your thread topic MM.....I dont get asked how I am going either and yes..it is a pain. I understand where you are coming from. I started on the forums in Jan 2016 and I wasnt in any shape to provide encouragement to others either as I was just terminated from a senior position.....That aside if you feel you can provide support using your own life experience it can be an excellent way to self heal...as we aren't focusing on our own problems....which then can provide some relief 🙂

Lets forget about psychologists for a moment...as the cost can be prohibitive....Can I ask if you can make a commitment to your GP even just for a 'fine tune' ? (just a thought).....I still see my doc every 6 weeks for a 'fine tune'

you are an amazing person MisterM

my kindest always

Paul

[MisterM]

Hey Paul,

No need to be asked to be forgiven, all good.
Yes, I remember you.
Thank you for your kind words.
I agree, I could do as you suggested.
I've been seeing my GP a fair bit lately for my medication and am seeing a bulk billing psychologist (have had two appointments about 6 weeks apart and have one coming up next month). I also saw a psychiatrist last week who changed my medication. But it's a combination of seeing a psychologist and medication plus life changes that will help but it is up to me. The problem with bulk billing psychologists is that they are so booked out it takes a long time between appointments, it feels like there is no continuity. When I was seeing a psychologist years ago who I paid I was seeing him every week, at least it felt like I was seeing someone. This does not feel right at the moment.
Thank you for saying I am amazing. I struggle to see that.
All the best.
MM.

[blondguy]

Hey MM

I find my GP of more benefit than a psychologist (just for me) and I know you are doing everything you can which does make you an amazing person....I have siblings with anxiety/depression that dont have the courage you possess MisterM....Seriously

Please dont underestimate the value of your GP....they can be a huge help and a lot cheaper than a psychologist!

you are stronger than you think MisterM! At the end of the day its important that we can 'talk' to a health professional...whether its our GP or a counsellor...We all need to vent/talk it out when we are stuck

Its really great to have you as a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too 🙂

my kindest always

Paul

[White_Rose]

Hello MM (and wave to Paul)

Sorry I have posted for a few days. Had a few downs. Change of treatment for a medical condition and a double up in medication prescribed by two doctors. Whoops! However I am getting back to life and feeling better.I did not mean to imply you were not helpful replying to other posters. Sorry I phrased my thought so badly. I meant that when you are able to post to others it shows life is picking up a little. So sorry to distress you in any way. It was definitely not a criticism.

So pleased to hear about your art classes. Working in a group can provide outside companionship but does not force you to interact with others. When you are ready to chat it will happen. Meanwhile enjoy being with others, it's such a blessing.

I feel the mental health plan does not help many people. After your ten visits have been used you then have to wait until you become eligible again for the next ten. And of course bulk billing psychologists tend to be a bit of a rare breed. I would suggest seeing your psychiatrist more often but then you have that gap fee to pay and it is quite high in many cases. It's really unfortunate that cash, or the lack of it, affects our lives so much. Seeing your GP every few weeks or so can be a good alternative. Perhaps you can talk to him/her about a regular visit.

Sad to read about your FB experience. That is one of the downsides to social media. There is no moderation and no consequences. Anyone can be rude and offensive and not realise what they are doing to others. I love Serephina's take on FB abuse and her attitude. It's a great way to deal with this sort of stuff. Takes lots of practice to get but so worthwhile.

Have you decided if you are going to start uni again next year? I believe we are best off studying what we enjoy. If art is your thing then go for it. I'm not entirely sure what social work involves either but you can look up the course details on line which may help.

It's nearly Christmas. Where has the year gone? It seems such a short while since it was the first of January 2019.

Mary

[MissMara]

you're MisterM and I'm usually MissM but it was taken.

I feel like this on the daily. I have literally been scrolling through my friends list and realising how many just dont reach out - don't initiate - makes me so so upset - like whats the point of everything. I've been struggling so much but no one cares.

Well I hear you and see you. You are not alone. Thank god for online communities like this.