None of my friends and family ask how I am going

[MisterM]

I feel so unworthy, like I don't matter, like noone cares.
None of my friends and family have asked how I am going with my depression.
I feel so alone. Anyone here have the same experience as me?

[Aaronsis]

Hello MisterM

I am so glad that you have come to chat here and to get some support when you feel like your family are not supporting and caring for you at this time. That is really hurtful and I can hear how much pain you are in. You are worthy, you do matter and we care here for you. I think sometimes that people are so overwhelmed with mental health and with words like depression and anxiety that they actually don't know what to do, so they do the worst possible thing and do nothing...ignore it..and hope that by not talking about it that you will not "feel sad" anymore, that you will "get over it". I am wondering if you are getting some professional help for your depression and how that is going for you. They may even consider that you are getting some help and that it is taken care of and very soon you will be "all better".

I know this might sound hard, it was for me, I learnt something very easy at my counselling session and that was we actually have to tell our friends and family how to care for us, tell them what we need at times when we are feeling lonely or lost or sad or angry. We need to help them to help us and give them the tools to make them feel included in our healing and in our journey to wellness and in turn that helps us. You might like to start even by writing some things down when you are feeling in a bad depressive state as to what things right now might make you feel better, it may even be just someone sitting with you, you may not even know, that is fine too..but if you do know it would be wonderful to share it with them.

You are not alone and so many people do feel isolated and like they are on an island with mental illness and it is so very hard but so very brave that you have come to get some support here.

We care and we are here for you, to chat and to share as much or as little as you would like to.

Hugs to you MisterM

AS

[MisterM]

Hi AS,
Thank you for your kind reply.
I have been seeing my GP over the past 2 months to review my medication.
I've seen a psychologist two times but too far apart in time as there is a long wait to be seen at a bulk billing medical clinic. I feel like this psychologist does not know what to do with me. Today I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in over 2 years (maybe longer). My dosage was increased yet again.
Maybe my friends and family are not sure what to say or afraid they'll say the wrong thing.
With all the campaigns out there encouraging family, friends, co-workers to ask how someone is going it makes me feel disheartened. One girl I know from university has depression and I've checked in on her and she has never done the same for me.
In my heart I feel I do not matter to people and that they would not miss me if I were not here.

[Aaronsis]

Great to chat to you MisterM

You are so very right in that there are so many campaigns and awareness about RUOK and the likes that there really is no excuse for not "knowing" how to have a conversation with someone. I guess the whole knowing and doing are very different things, and then what if that person says something that is frightening and then what do they do...I lost my brother to suicide just 3 months ago, he was 19, my father had him in his second marriage so my dad is older, he is 70. With losing my brother as you can imagine it totally has broken him, to the point that I worried if too would take his life. I spoke with my counsellor about this and she said "ask him"....this scared the hell out of me..what if he said yes....she role played it with me and I practiced the conversation in the mirror....the point I am making here is that I think people get overwhelmed with having to "fix" a person and having to "solve" the problems, not realizing that sometimes all a person wants is to be heard and to have a hug and for someone to say I am here for whatever you need. I am hearing you MisterM and this is what you need right now and you are not getting it and I am so sorry.

I am pleased that you are seeing a therapist and yes, it is so frustrating that the time between appointments is so very long, especially when you need them so much.

I am hoping that you can find some support here and there is always the Beyond Blue line if you feel you need to talk to a person, the number is 1300 22 4636, there are some really wonderful people who are ready to chat and to help.

It is so disappointing when you do reach out to people, and check on others and show support and yet nothing comes back your way, I am so sorry that you are feeling totally let down by people around you.

A small consolation but I am here to chat to you.

AS

[MisterM]

Hey AS,
I am deeply sorry to hear about your brother.
I can only imagine. The closest I've been affected is my mum and dad's friend took her life early this year.
That hit me. Couldn't stop thinking about it.
I think how much pain it would cause my parents if I did the same.
Thank you for the number, I've called them before and Lifeline.
And thank you for being here for me.
Likewise.
It was annoying the last time I saw my psychologist, he seemed like he couldn't remember my story, he was going through his paperwork to refresh his memory. I feel like just a number.
Another thing getting me down, noone interacts with me on Facebook. I see my friends commenting/liking on other people's posts, mine are ignored. It just makes me feel even more terrible. Am I so horrible?

[Aaronsis]

Thank you so much for your kind words about losing my brother MisterM, it is truly undescribable and I wish this on no one in this world, that is actually how I came to be here, I reached out for some support as I had not much to do with suicide and knew not alot about it, boy did I learn quickly. The support of this community got me through that time and even now, every day, talking to wonderful people like you and working through peoples lives with them and just chatting gives me my healing, so thank you.

The pain and grief that your parents would experience if you were to take your life I actually have no words for, my family will never be the same. See you are worth it, you do matter and you are loved, you are not feeling it right now and I am so very sorry that they are not standing up right now in your time of need, but trust me you are worth it and you are wanted.

That is a terrible experience that you didn't feel important or connected to your psychologist, that you felt like a number, that is really hurtful. I do understand that we don't always make the connection with each therapist that we see, that it may take a few different ones until we can find one that can help us, but feeling like he was just reciting off a page and searching on paper for your history is not very comforting.

AHHH SOCIAL MEDIA...what to say about that..I know you have probably heard this before but it is a platform for people to project an image of what they want their life to be like, what they want people to see, think and what they want people to believe. It is not truth, no one posts their pictures of when they have conjunctivitis and they look like hell, no one posts when they burnt their wonderful dinner that they prepared for the family and the family threw it in the bin and it started a huge fight, no one posts when their child is sitting at the table crying cos they have no friends...that is what happens in life..but no on Facebook. I know it is hurtful when people dont like your posts or you see people with so much attention in this space, it really is hurtful...I can only say please dont buy into it, it is not reality and it is not true....just a fluffy picture what people want you to see.

Sorry for the rant...lol

To answer your question..no..you are not horrible, I can see a wonderful caring person who is full of emotion and who is going through a rough time....someone who despite being in pain is caring about others...that is wonderful..not horrible..

AS

[MisterM]

Thank you AS.
I am glad I can be part of your healing and that this forum has helped you.
My parents and I do not really get along. They do not know about my mental health. They are very old school Southern European immigrants who have no idea about this and I do not want them to know.
My mum dislikes me, she says I do not make her happy and that I am too old to find a girlfriend now as noone will want me. She does not talk to me. My dad is often grumpy at me. I cannot wait to move out when I can afford to. Being 35 and living with his parents in their 70s makes me ashamed of myself and I feel everyone that knows me finds this pathetic and I do not have their respect.

Yeah I know social media is fake. My friends do not share things much, I just see them commenting/liking on mutual friends' posts. Yet all mine are ignored. It makes me question whether they find me intolerable or that I have lost their respect for still living at home with my parents when they moved out many years ago.

As for the psychologist, yeah it makes me feel like an idiot. I'll see how my next appointment goes in December. I feel like there is no real strategy. It's just questions of how I am going and having me practice some exercises. I feel like I have a lot more to be fixed that this psychologist has no time.

[White_Rose]

Hello MisterM

Welcome back. AS has written such great stuff to you I am not sure if I can add anything. You said you have seen a psychiatrist, would it be better to continue to see this therapist rather than wait a long time between psychologist's appointments. I know when my therapist was away it seemed like eternity. I was very dependant on his support at first and he did know what I was about. Over time I became far less dependant and started living much better. I believe anyone with a mental health difficulty needs regular frequent professional help.

Waiting weeks to see someone who cannot remember who you are is ridiculous. You may as well go through the public hospital system and see a psychiatrist. Being on a mental health plan is all very well but ten sessions a year is not usually helpful. Far too long between sessions.

Mary

[MisterM]

Hi Mary,

Thank you.
I cannot afford to pay $200 per session. I am unemployed. Psychologists are way too expensive.
If I had the option I'd probably go back to one I saw many years ago who is based in the CBD.
The one I saw a few weeks ago looked shocked when I told him I've never had a girlfriend and asked if I've been on dates. In our last session all he asked was if I have been socialising. I said no. With who? I don't have many friends. And those I have I hardly see due to them having their own lives (partners, kids).

[Aaronsis]

I am really sorry that you feel like people think you are pathetic and that you are not worthy of respect because you live with your parents, I don't want to speak on their behalf but I have a friend that has a very similar situation to you, I dont think of her as pathetic, she too wants a different path in her life and like you, this will happen for her as it will for you. Your life right now is not indicative of how it will be forever and at this point you are going through a rough time and it is hard for you. I hear what you are saying about the fractured relationship you have with your parents and I am sorry that your mother says you do not make her happy, that is really hard to hear I am sure.

How would you feel about perhaps volunteering at some places that interest you, like animal welfare or even at nursing homes where often the elderly are forgotten, giving to others can really increase your self worth, when you give yourself to others you can really see things from a different perspective. This will also get you out of the house for awhile and also allow you to meet some new people, perhaps even a girlfriend if that is indeed what you want, you are never too old to find what you want in life, whether that be love or friends.

I am glad that you can come and talk here and that you have used the services on the phone before, especially seeing that you feel like you cant share how you are feeling with your parents and giving the circumstances you probably don't want to. People from older generations I think are still coming to terms with the facts about mental health and I think are still stuck in the mindset of "get over it", and "chin up".."you'll be right"..which we know is just not the case. It is not their fault, a different generation, but yes, they could learn and reach out to you.

Just back to my other point..35 is not old, you have a life ahead of you filled with whatever you choose, please don't let a number put you in the mindset of what you "should" be doing...you will get there when you are ready to.

Hugs

AS