Newbies story

[Johnno89]

Hi am a 27 year old male and would like to express a little about me,

Well I've got a long history of ups and downs. Goods and bads.giving up hope, quitting, self doubt and ever thinking if I can live the life I know truly want.

Currently an diagnosed with anxiety, social anxiety, depression and ADHD. But deep down there's that darkness pulling me down. I've been doing a lot of research about the habits, feelings and mood swing I always have and have across bipolar 2. Which actually seems perfect for my condition. i understand now why I got a bad sexual desire for sex and women and always seek it. Why I get a feeling like I can achieve anything and feel in touch with the world and money sprees I do when I can not afford it. But there is then dark depression that can kick in and I shut myself out from the world and hide in my cocoon. I've had multiple relationships that have failed due mood swings and cheating, I know cheating is bad, but I crave the thrill of being naughty and the fight is real whether to do it or not.

When I'm in my highs, I try everything possible to achieve my dreams, but end up getting overwhelmed and quit. I currently don't work or study, I try both and end up just quitting. I get over it or I get overwhelmed and think I'm not capable to stick to it. That then leads to a down cycle, where I hate myself, hate life, wish this pain would stop and believe this will be me forever. It's a hard cycle to beat. I do end up beating and follow the same cycle. I never went to the doctors on a low, it would be when I'm good and I'd explain that I'm doing well and can you refill my anti-depressant script please. But at the times I didn't really understand my behaviour patterns, I just thought I was depressed. So it's no ones fault other than miscommunicate and no knowledge. I am seeing my doctor next week to explain everything in detail about this and I see my psychiatrist next month. I feel there's something more than just "depression" something lies deep and I always knew, but it's hard to reach out for help and speak about YOU. But I'm ready to fight and overcome my fears, I still have a journey ahead of me. But knowing there's more to me other than the illnesses I have gives me that extra hope and a whole lot of weight off my shoulders.

thanks 🙂

[MarkJT]

Johnno, welcome to the forums mate. Great that you have posted and told us a bit about you. Takes courage to do that and you are in a community that is stigma free and super supportive.

I have a PTSD, depression and anxiety diagnoses so although I don't have the ADHD, I think there can be paralegals drawn from my experiences to yours.

To keep those money spending sprees in tact, can you open up a new account or limit your current account to an amount that you can afford? Cap your credit card(s) also to an amount that you can afford. This way you won't be able to overstep the mark.

The cheating that you do is primarily linked to you chasing the thrill. Are you able to replace this feeling with something else? When you need that thrill, can you do some hard running or swimming to take your mind off it?

How about you make a list of what you want to achieve and go at it step by step rather than taking on so much and getting overwhelmed? It is a great thing that you want to achieve goals but as you know, take on to much, overwhelming happens. If you plan it out and go about bit by bit and give yourself plenty of time to achieve then, hopefully, you won't get overwhelmed.

Brilliant to hear that you are off to the GP and psych to discuss these. You can get all of this under control and the best thing is that you know there is a journey ahead so you are under no illusions.

Let us know how you go with the GP and lets chat this out with what i have written above. Hard to give advice or thoughts with only a little info.

Here to help you through your journey mate.

Take care.

Mark.

[MsPurple]

Hi Johnno

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I agree with Mark that you seeing your doctor and telling them about the mood swings is a great idea, telling them about the highs and lows will help them get a more accurate diagnosis.

My mum is also bipolar but she wasn't diagnosed till her late 30s. When she was diagnosed and she talked about her past with mental health the doctor seems to think she showed symptoms when she was 16, but it was never picked up by past doctors. Bipolar can be harder to diagnose because when people go to their doctor regarding mental health concerns, they tend to go when they are really low and only see the low points as the problem. My mum didn't really discuss the highs until her mid 30s, she actually saw the doctor in what they call a 'mixed' state. She was quiet unwell. Since the new diagnosis she was put on new medications which she responded to well (well maybe not the first few but didn't take long for her) and now she holds a full time job. Until she moved states she was even a manager of an aged care facility. Your dreams can still be possible with bipolar my friend and my mum is proof of it 🙂

Hope this helps and keep us posted.

[Fairywings]

Hi there Johnno nice to meet you I can relate to this on so many levels bc i do suffer from bipolar and many other things, being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse these little nasties popped their head up when i was just very young. I am now 36yrs old married and have a beautiful little 4yr old boy who starts kinder on wed. I too am proof that bipolar didn't take my soul . The irractic behaviour and levelling of our mood swings is enough to send anyone into a spin, altho i must say that with the right medication bipolar can def be managed. I am happy to see that ur willing to fight the illness with all your might and turn ur life for the better and seeking help is a great move all the best and keep us posted take care now xx