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[John_E_S]

Hi,

This year has been really tough for me. I have pushed myself beyond my limit with work and have only just realised that I have no properly dealt with a series of serious family health issues.

Comng to this realisation has been tough and I have started medication and seeing a psychologist to help but I am finding I am stuck on constant forms of negative thought particularly surrounding my capacity at work. I have been reaching out to people and they are telling me that my worries are not founded but I find that my mind keeps winning. I now seriously considering whether I have a long term future in my field or whether I should take time off to recover

any suggestions on different things I can do to feel better or help control these ruminating thoughts!

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome.

Sorry to hear you are really struggling with work issues.

Someone at work would ask me "why do you worry so much?!?"

Never replied but it was a case of "because I do" and I felt everything depended on me. So a little about me ...

When I started seeing my psychologist I was told I had major depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Outside of that I have I ticked all the boxes on the cognitive distortions check list. I can get overwhelmed by too may things to deal with at once. When somethings goes wrong I can blame myself and call my a failure etc. I did get time off work at one point and that was when I was suicidal - this was 6 months after first seeing my pscyhologist.

You look OK on the outside so there must not be any problem? To those who tell your worries are not founded, I let those ideas go. If you are not part of my support team, then your view does not help me. They might be trying to help and it can be hard for others to understand.

I want to know that I think your thoughts are real, that you have these thoughts. But they are also just thoughts. You are started to see a psychologist which is also a good thing. Over time and with the help of your psychologist you will find ways of dealing with those thoughts.

My last comment is, and I don't know how long were with each psych*, but for me, this is a long journey. Like a marathon vs a 100m sprint. If you want to talk more about what is going on for you, please write back. The people here are very supportive and non-judgemental.

[John_E_S]

Thank you for the kind message. I appreciate this isnt something that will be solved quickly and I need to work at it... which I am doing.

The part I find most difficult is not getting caught up in my thoughts which inevitably go to the most negative place possible with me being fired and not being able to get a job in any field related to my work.

Does anyone have a good solution to avoid these. This is my number 1 goal and I think will have a major positive impact but I often find I can't but help to castastrophise and even in the early morning I will spend all this time trying to avoid having negative thoughts only for them to slip through

[Annie_San]

Not sure if this helps but I found myself in similar situation. Hopefully by speaking out in the forum, or to other professionals, will be helpful.

I analysed my symptoms and found that deep down, we care about work, we care a lot. Some may say "too much". The sense of responsibility, ownership, accountability, etc. can be highly regarded at work, but can be also disastrous for the individuals. It is easy to say "step caring so much" but I think we all know for people like us, it is very hard.

Negative thinking shows that you are taking on too much at work, potentially. That is what happens to me at least. Hopefully by sharing this make us feel that we are not alone.

[John_E_S]

I think you are very correct.

I put way too much value in my work, and my capacity to do it. I also care too much about what others at work think of me. Luckily I do have some supportive colleagues who know where I am at but at the same time I almost am deliberately looking for problems to make me feel bad

I am trying to separate my self worth from my work but I also recognise that this is not an easy thing to do.

thanks

[John_E_S]

I'm really struggling today. I woke up at 3 and couldn't get back to sleep with worries about work. This is the worst it has been in a while

I have this consistent worry about a particular thing I have done at work which I think is wrong. I keep talking to a colleague about it and he says that what I have done is fine. Same with another colleague. Despite this I am really struggling to move past this and I constantly fear that I will be found out as a fraud. I don't know whether it is the depression talking or whether my mind is genuinely correct and I have done something terribly wrong.

please help! How do I control this and try to get some level of normalcy in my life

[smallwolf]

Some thoughts...

On work... we all have different strengths and talents. When we find a fault in our work it is easy to focus on that and not everything else you might have done correctly. This is something I struggle with - the perfectionist in me. Related to this is allowing a mistake to be an opportunity for learning.

On getting caught in negative thoughts... this may depend on the thought(s). One might be to write them down. Another might be changing the language. For example, instead of saying 'I should' say 'I wish'. Another might be using a some tools for distraction. All have worked for me in the different scenarios and then for you, working out what works as a circuit breaker.

For me also finding out where these thoughts came from was helpful. And then working out all my positives helps. When that negative thought comes along... read your list of positives?

[John_E_S]

Sorry to message again and for repeating myself buy I wanted to put words down somewhere.

Towards the end of last week I had a meeting with my manager and we discussed how I am feeling. They were incredibly supportive and encouraged me to take some time off as they said it is so important to look after yourself and that work isn't everything. I feel very lucky to have this support but even with this nice support, my mind tells me the only reason they are saying this is to get me out of work to make their life easier.

so now I am taking a few weeks off. I found since then I have had patches where I have felt better but in between have found it quite challenging. Today I found my thoughts pushed to a work thing that happened more than 10 years ago. I occasionally think about this but lately have been dwelling on it for weeks. Now, I find when this pops into my head I spiral very rapidly into catastrophe... my mind tells me I deserve horrible outcomes and I am scared they will happen.

Oddly enough I have never had this worry to the same extent as I do now since I have been diagnosed with depression which makes me wonder whether it is the depression playing mind games with me as opposed to rational thought. I have spoken to trusted colleagues about this and they tell me not to worry but that is easier said than done

I have read that if you are worried about past mistakes a good way to move on is to forgive yourself for them as you can't change the past but I find it difficult to do this.... or at least difficult to not bring it up in mind again.

thanks you the other suggestions. I think using the term I wish as opposed to I should is good and also writing down positive things I have done will help. Definitely finding the circuit breaker will be helpful as this is something I desperately need