New to BB... feeling the pressure build

[sigcla]

Hi there,

This is my first post. I'm a 22yo female, previously diagnosed with GAD, depression, phobia (in 2013). I've managed to overcome a lot of my anxieties, mainly around eating in public and being looked at in general, but the last few months I've been feeling the depression come back.

I work full time with children with special needs, I'm studying full time and have just changed institutions to do masters of teaching which now looks like a two year set back. No clue whether I'll enjoy high school teaching. I'm engaged to someone with their own depression and chronic pain/overstimulated pain sensors. I'm always there to listen and to cop his anger over his life, yet I have no one to tell that I'm struggling to make sense of what I want in life and feeling. I don't want to add more to his troubles.

I'm trying to find a psychologist in Adelaide, eastern suburbs. I just feel like I'm in a constant fog. I've recently started getting healthy and losing weight, which makes me happy but its never enough in my mind. I just don't want to be sad anymore.

Thanks x

[geoff]

hello Sigcla, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment.
I must applaud you for teaching children with special needs but it seems as though you have so much you are trying to do and under pressure.
You have had to cope with all of these different types of depression, especially your phobia's which is created from extreme anxiety, however you say that you have been able to overcome most of these, and that's an enormous effort, but to work full time and work full time puts a great deal of pressure on you, and then try to cope with a partner who also suffers from depression which maybe caused by his chronic pain so your the bouncing board for when he becomes angry.
I wonder whether you do have OCD because what ever you do doesn't seem to be enough, because you seem to be pushing yourself all the time, working, studying, losing weight, getting healthy and listening to your partner complain.
So it would be good to get a reply back from you.
In regard to a psychologist if you click onto 'Get Support' at the top of the page click onto 'Find a Professional'and this maybe able to help you or you could ring the BB phone number they too maybe able to guide you.
An interesting post. Geoff. x

[sigcla]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for the reply. Felt good to vent and hear someone's unbiased opinion. 🙂 I think I just had a really tough night last night, everything just came to a head. My phobias odd - fear of bees/wasps (had a fit after being stung in my sleep as a child). Still intense fear. But I'm slowly learning that my other anxieties like being looked at by strangers isn't worth the worry because I don't know these people who I think judge me.

I love my job. I know I want to work in special needs. I'm just struggling with the fact that I can't work next year because masters is full time. Dropping 30k a year freaks me out knowing I have bills and commitments like the gym which I can't keep which makes me think I'll stay overweight.

I think because I am so busy working, studying, supporting others, I don't have time to think about myself or connect with my friends as much.

I had weight loss expectations and a goal for a certain date and I won't be able to do it. It's hard changing a lifetime of bad health habits.

I'll have a look for a psych through what you said (funny thing is I'm a psych major!) I'll ask about OCD, it's something I've never considered.

Partner closes off emotionally/affectionately while I just crave it to feel better. Spoke to him today saying what I need is just as important as what he needs.

Thank you Geoff, certainly made me feel better x

[geoff]

hi Sigcla, thanks for getting back and I would love to know what your psych has to say. Geoff.x