New start and new approach to this year

[HamSolo01]

The last time I made a post in these forums was in 2017. Back then I was probably in the darkest moment of my life since I can remember. I thought that I was beyond help and there was no hope for me going forward.

Here I am in 2021 and I have a job (even though I want to leave to something else), been on a couple of dates, travelled, finished my degree and also made some new friends. I guess these days my woes are different. I've spent a lot of time looking into my past and trying to see if I can get an explanation or reveal some home truths about myself and my experiences.

I have spent time in a psych ward, I've been on differing meds, I've spoken to psychologists and psychiatrists. I've spent some time with mental health charities working with them.

These days I want some new challenges and new things in life - it's hard. I have desires to get a new job and to also go back and study again.

Today has been a quiet australia day - I would've liked to have done something social but that's been hard because i have lost some friends, struggled to make new ones, but on balance I have been trying to re establish contact with other friends from the past.

I dunno what I want in life and I have more questions than answers. But I guess I am here still

I will see my psychologist soon for the first session of the year now that I have a new Mental health care plan.

I am trying to do my best and I get the feeling that it isn't enough maybe.

Yesterday I was very depressed. It's a hard time. That's all. 😕

[HamSolo01]

it's actually pathetic aye ?

Ah well. It is what it is. Onwards and upwards I guess. It's 3 days per week and it's elsewhere so then this month will be okay. But it isn't good for my mental health.

[Guest_4643]

Yep it is pathetic, and no it's not good for your mental health.

[HamSolo01]

Feeling overwhelmed and sad this evening. Not nice at all.

I will go to bed soon

[Guest_4643]

I'm sorry hams, i hope you feel better and can get some rest. Thinking of you.

[HamSolo01]

Hi Tay thanks my friend. How are you?

I had a good sleep so that counts for something definitely.

Had coffee with dad this morning then went and saw a uni friend I hadn't seen for 2 years. It was hard to hear that she was earning heaps because we are equally qualified but it comes down to experience. Direction too.

Thats what I need. And its what I am working on. The absence of it was a huge issue. Still is. I never liked it. Anyway it is what it is

[Guest_4643]

Hey Hams.

I'm ok, how are you? That's good you saw your Dad & a Uni friend, & had a good sleep.

[HamSolo01]

G'day Tay. Hope you have a good Monday.

I am on the way to work atm. Train a bit more packed than normal.

gonna do my best to take it easy today

[HamSolo01]

Had an absolutely woeful start to my day. Depressed and sad and fed up.

Managed to pull myself out of it by thinking about and stating exactly what I need to do long term medium term and short term


Short term - tomorrow i can be moved and trained in new stuff in my current job. This way I know how to do more things if I get moved. It will also ease pressure I feel.

Medium term - focus on applying to other jobs. Focus on my writing and publishing articles and getting my skillset refined.

Long term - I need a new job, I need direction and I need to be better to myself. Calmer. Kinder. Understanding and to also ground myself in what my own experience over the years at a psychological level

[monkey_magic]

Hi HamSolo,

I was a bit concerned about what you wrote in the BB cafe so I found your thread to see if I could help in anyway.

I'm a 38 yr old fem and have a bit of life experience under my belt.

I like the goals that you've written down for yourself.

I'll follow u if u don't mind and chime in if I think I have anything worthwhile to offer.

I read that U also go to the gym. Great. Do U do both weights and cardio? How often do you go?

[HamSolo01]

Hi Monkeymagic and thanks for dropping by. Yes by all means please follow along and chime in. Yeah I do both cardio and weights. i am trying to go 3 times per week. Its hard when its so hot out though. And also if I haven't got enough sleep. I originally started going so that I could put on weight because I was very unhealthy and skinny. I was unfit and usually puffed out quite easily. Since then I have made good gains i am happy with.

Today has been a horrible time. I am so depressed and sad. Angry even. Angry at myself and and the world too. I feel ignored and like people are bored of me and my problems. So I just internalise it all. No one seems to care. They are bored by it.