Needing help :-)

[Lila19]

Hi, I’m new & this is my first post.

Ive recently been struggling with what I think is severe depression. I’m a 38yr old executive and in this last year my career has really taken off and I have spent a lot of time in the work space. I’m also a mum trying to juggle 2 beautiful girls in school and an MBA. So many wonderful things have happened to me in this last 12 months that I can’t complain, but I am struggling with the juggle of being all things to all people. My husband works but definitely puts all his faith in me to be the main provider as he has never been motivated and I always have been - in addition to that he is about to lose his job. It’s an insane amount of pressure and I find myself trying to balance a full time career and not disappoint anyone....and try and do everything well at home where I am always disappointing everyone. For the past 6 weeks I have not been functioning very well. I can’t sleep and I’m up till all hours. I have no desire to do anything. I don’t want to go out.... brushing my hair is a serious effort. I don’t want to see anyone. I feel like I am in a coma and I can’t get out of it. This morning I literally sat in a chair for an hour and just stared at nothing - it’s not like me. I’m a bubbly happy person who is normally trying to make others feel good but I’m tired of always being there for others at the expense of myself. I’m feeling really scared because I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to. My husband doesn’t seem to understand and for the most part just just seems to ignore me when I seem off. Our sex life has disappeared and my husband felt the need to joke about it with our friends recently which told me that he is not happy. Everything is falling apart and I feel worried that soon my job is also going to fall apart because it is so hard to lead and manage a big team when I feel like crying every minute of the day. There is no room for error or for weakness. I run a charity as well and I feel like I am always doing things for others but no one is ever doing anything to help me. I don’t know what to do.

[white knight]

Hi Lila, welcome

Well ot might not be obvious to you but it stares out at me- overload. Time to take more control of your life.

The volunteer work should go-until you are in a better place. Your husband needs to step up at home with more duties and as a family you can do things spontaneously like camping even overnight. A campfire, a wine, a cuddle.

Just you job and studies are enough to cope with. Gee, I dont know how you havent fallen before now.

Here are a few threads to read. Just the first post of each thread- use google

Beyondblue Topic back to basics TonyWK

Beyondblue Topic the timing of motivation

Beyondblue Topic they just wont understand, why?

Beyondblue Topic the balance of your life

Beyondblue Topic holidays

Youtube Maharaji sunset

Good luck, I hope I've helped.

TonyWK

[Lila19]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. I agree I am definitely a little burnt out and thank you for the resources below, I will definitely have a look at them to see if they will help. Unfortunately, I feel it is also deeper than that as I have been busy like this for a while now. Ive been exhausted before and its never been like this - i've slept for 3 days straight from being over-tired and run-down. But this is different. It's like someone has given me a whole bunch of sedatives, and I feel like I just want to not care about anything. I'm continually having feelings of inadequacy and feeling like i am not good enough - or i am failing and don't mean anything to anyone. I stopped going to the gym 2 months ago because I was feeling so tired and flat, & couldn't will myself to go - i tried to go back recently but then i spent the whole week trying to decide where to go and it all got too much so I ditched it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Lila19,

Welcome to BB. A little tip from the plane safety tips is - if the oxygen masks come down fit your own one first, then fit your kids. Sometimes we forget that we need to look after ourselves first & foremost and only then are we in a position to help those around us. This means both our physical & mental well being. With the pressures you have I'm not surprised your mental health is suffering.

Given how you have described your moods I think a visit to your GP to discuss things & arrange a referral to a MH professional would be a good first step. You wrote " I’m feeling really scared because I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to. " I and everyone else on these forums are travelling our own mental health journeys, this means we "get it" when those around you may not fully comprehend your feelings, so please continue to use this space when you need to "talk". I have not been on the forums for very long, but I have found it beneficial to know others are going through similar things & to read the various strategies they use in their journeys. And sometimes it helps just to know that someone is listening to what you are feeling & saying, & that they are there for you. Also don't forget the BB helpline 1300 224 636 if you need to talk.

Depression can make it hard to think clearly and gives power to the negative thoughts in our head, this in itself is exhausting without having to manage a hectic life thrown on top.With help things will get better.

Please be gentle with yourself and don't be afraid to reach out.

we are here for you

Paw Prints

[white knight]

Hi Lila

PP is right, might be time gor mefical professional adbice.

We are people with experience in having mental illness. Although your symptoms mirror a depressive disorder we cant diagnose. You might well possess something needing, in the first instance, a GP visit.